Is it okay if I use third person in this particular college essay?

Ok so I have had some problematics when it comes to writing my college personal essay. I don’t know what to write that fully captures the person I am today and when I think I have something acceptable I am unable to finish the whole thing. Im writing this draft of a college essay, with a new topic and idea, but I used third person, I’m not a fan at all of the third person when it comes to college essay but when I tried to change it to the first I felt as if it has lost whatever made it interesting to me. Also, I plan on change it to the first to kinda show the progress and all that but idk. The essay is not done what I’ll show is all I have at the moment and the only thing that keeps me from continuing is the thought that the third person might ruin it. This is it and I would highly appreciate any opinions and advices, I truly need them.

—It is not my best piece of draft, but I don’t know it intrigues me. It’s like that idea that I don’t want to fully let go of, so so things your need to know is that Niña= girl /kid, I don’t know if I used meaninglessness in the right context or if it is an actual word lol and my grandpa death truly helped and keeps helping to shape the person I am, I see it as something of relevance and despite me losing several more crucial people in my life his death affected me in ways I can’t even comprehend. This is why I thought he might be a great prompt but idk if I write in well or I should change the way I related it.

EDIT:The essay has been removed.


It is a terrible idea to out your essay on CC. I would delete it.


In this version, you have switched to the first person for your last two paragraphs, which focuses the reader’s attention on the overlapping indentities of “la niña” and your current self. This concluding innovation adds the needed personal expression to your essay. As writing, your draft shows potential. However, as a prospective college essay, its style appears unconventional. Before developing it further, then, you should make certain it conforms with the letter and spirit of the prompt.

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You can delete this on a public forum, but I can PM you to help you. I think the third person works well. This is a poetic essay, unconventional, as @merc81 said. Stream of consciousness. It needs development but I hope you can keep it.

Thank you very much for your advice, this really helps me. But now I know that I shouldn’t have posted the whole thing in a public space.

You did the right thing to remove it. If you hadn’t it might’ve gotten flagged for plagiarism. Many teachers, professors, and admissions officers run papers and essays through plagiarism checkers online.

Also, are you attending a public high school? Sometimes guidance counselors or English teachers set aside to work on college essays with high school seniors. Might be helpful to get another set of eyes on it.

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If you think you might benefit from reading examples of successful college application essays, this site may be helpful:


Here are a lot of other examples, too:

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I agree with others who think you might have the start of a fine essay.

The college essay guy has some good free resources on writing the personal statement, as well as many examples. Just google ‘college essay guy’ for his website.

Here are some more examples:

I wouldn’t necessarily go to an English teacher for essay assistance, unless you are certain that teacher has training and experience writing and editing college essays (many HS teachers don’t have this experience/training). Ditto for your HS GC.

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Thank you very much, this helps a lot.

This truly helps. I am applying to NYU too so this is an extra help. Thank you.

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Thank you!!! I will be reading the essays and take you advice on the English teachers.

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