<p>I’m a student, and I currently have a lot of things on my mind. I’m already behind in 3/5 of my classes. On one side, I feel like I need to take some time off and catch up during the summer. On the other side, my parents want me to grow a pair and suck it up. I explained to them that my university can allow me to drop to 6 credit hours, and they just can’t handle it. For the last 6+ years, my parents have tried to give me their advice about school and life. I can tell you for a fact that none of them has helped me.</p>
<p>I’m not lazy. I major in chemical engineering. Last semester, I took 18.5 credit hours, along with 2 jobs. For that term, I got a 3.5 GPA. I personally needed a 4.0 but that’s besides the point. This semester, I’m a different person. I have the same ambition of conquering all my courses, but my history/experience tells me otherwise. When I was a senior in high school, I bombed 3 college classes because I was simply overwhelmed. Now, I feel like I’m heading down a similar path I did 2 years ago. And the debate is whether to take 6 credit hours and proceed through life slowly, or to take 12 credits and man up.</p>
<p>In a sense, I do feel like I would be slacking off and pushing my workload into the future if I take it easy now. On the other hand, I don’t want to repeat what happened to me in high school.</p>
<p>Slowing things down for right now doesn’t mean slowing them down forever. I agree, it’s seems like a bad time to push yourself so hard (with insistent parent voices ringing in your ears) that you go over the cliff. Drop some units so you have the time and emotional reserves to put into your remaining classes.</p>
<p>Maybe down the road you can load up again on those credits… but wait and see about that. Also, can you cut back to one job instead of two?</p>
<p>My fiance and I both have clinical depression. I manage it well enough that I can keep up with my work, but he can’t. He really needs to take time off. There is nothing to be gained from forcing yourself through school when you are not mentally prepared to learn. You have to be healthy to make the most of your time there, and IF you make it to graduation you don’t want to look back and think of how much info you missed because you dragged yourself through your classes.</p>
<p>Another thing… if you are not getting enough sleep that is a real killer. Make sure to not take on so much work that you’re unable to get a night’s sleep. That’s not to say that there will never be nights when you have to stay up super late to get something done for school, but if you’re just living like that day after day when you already feel depressed, that’s a real recipe for failure. It’s just a set up to make you fail for sure.</p>
<p>My parents also tell me to drop my drop delivering newspaper. But I really don’t want to. That job pays $24/hour and it’s just 1 hour everyday 5 days/week. I hope it’s understandable that right now, I’m trying to make as much money as possible because I really want to move out of the house and away from my parents.</p>
<p>07, what do you mean “if I make it to graduation”? I have shown in the past that I can pick myself back up. Like after high school, I picked my grades up and retook the necessary classes. My current cum GPA is 3.5, and though it’s sub-par compared to the other future grad school applicants, I’m looking to keep bringing that up. Graduation is not the concern. In fact, I’m still trying to graduate 1 semester early because I want to get as many A’s on my transcript as possible before the universities see it in my grad school application. The goal right now is to get all A’s from this point forward. I have said that to myself ever since last year, and I’ve came up short each semester since. I really need those A’s.</p>
<p>I also realize that sleep is important as well. Maybe it’s because of the flu vaccine that I got a while back, but I haven’t been sick since last winter. Before that, I was sick at least once, and I think it was due to my lack of adequate sleep. Now, I realize the importance of sleep, and I try to find balance. Doesn’t mean I will stop with the allnighters because last semester, I pulled plenty of them. But at least it’s on my conscience now.</p>
<p>I think “if you graduate” is a fair question given that you said you “bombed” three classes in the past and you feared that happening again.</p>
<p>Maybe you were exaggerating.</p>
<p>In any case, you need to either figure out how to make it all work without dropping any classes or giving up a job… or prioritize. What’s most important? Grades? Enjoying your life? Making as much money as you can? Or just stumbling along with the way things are? You decide.</p>
<p>I wasn’t exaggerating, and I’m trying to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.</p>
<p>As for my priorities, they have never changed. Get into a good grad school, start a nice family, make good friends, be happy, etc. Also, I hope I have shown that I am the one doing the prioritizing and my parents are the one who want me to figure out how to make it work without dropping any classes.</p>
<p>I guess you just need to talk to them and tell them what you need to do in order to succeed at college. Perhaps you could talk to someone in the student counseling services at your college and get their advice and support in how to best have that talk with your parents.</p>
<p>I’m their son. Since as long as I can remember, I have tried to be reasonable and have my parents see me as a seasoned individual. At times, I was out of line, but the absolute conclusion is that it can’t be done. This coming week, I am due to talk to 2 advisers about my options.</p>
<p>That said, I would like to steer the discussion away from my parents and back to the original post. I know it seems like the question’s already answered, and it probably is, but deceptively, there have only been 3 people posting in my thread. I welcome more comments from different people.</p>
<p>Everyone is different, some people just need more rest or a slower pace from time to time. Part of successfully managing depression is recognizing patterns, which you are doing. The next step is to not repeat a past mistake, which you are trying to do right now. I would encourage you to go slow but steady.</p>
<p>Yes, it is possible to not only go through college but LIFE while depressed. But why would you want to? Get some help with your depression to at least alleviate symptoms and help find more balance so that you do not just ‘go through’ college but that you enjoy and become enriched by it. </p>
<p>Life is short conversly there is PLENTY of time to settle on the idea that you are depressed down the road. Right now, at your age and so filled with possibilty, should not be one of them.</p>
<p>I say this as a middle aged woman who has battled this off and on for most of my life. There are ways to help with the condition. Seek them out before the depression becomes the focal point vs. just a factor in your life.</p>
<p>After reading your post, I am picking up on two things–</p>
<p>First, you are overworked and underjoyed. You go to school, you are an adult (we assume)–get yourself over to the counseling center, talk to a therapist, try getting on a med (there’s usually a free psych who can write prescriptions). My dd is the most vibrant, energetic, and ambitious young person I know–in the sunniest parts of the year. But November through February she gets SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and she turns into Ms. Gloomy. She’s under a perpetual gray cloud, despite all her hard work. So she has to take a low dose of fluoxetine (generic prozac) 20 mg. That is her artificial sunshine. </p>
<p>Second, you ARE an adult. I’m reading a lot of “my parents” in your writing. Are your parents footing your entire bill? Are they the bottom line when it comes to what you do with your life? If so, then here’s an idea: tell them you need some time off (you do). Tell them you’re not going to become a slug on the sofa, you’re going to re-evaluate where you have been, where you are, and where you want to go. If it means you work part-time an take no classes, so be it. It’s not going to put you behind. </p>
<p>And what is this about the 4.0 “personal” goal? I am reading a lot of perfectionism in your writing. You expect too much of yourself and you’re putting yourself through h<em>ll. Go see the folks at the counseling center, bare your chest (so to speak), b</em>tch about your parents, how hard your life is (and from my point of view, your life IS pretty stressful), shed some tears, and do some healing. </p>
<p>You’re bright: cut yourself some slack and regroup</p>
<p>There’s a lot you can do and that doesn’t mean you’re slacking off. Maybe, you’re just trying to do too much, and your expectations are making it too stressful. I personally needed a 4.0 Sure a one-hour-a-day-job isn’t overwhelming, in and of itself. But it’s just one more thing, one more deadline that controls your life. Why not kick back and celebrate the 3.5 you got last semester instead of kicking yourself? Life is too short.</p>
<p>Grad schools accept plenty of people who have 3.5. They even accept people with somewhat lower gpas. Get the help you need from counselors/advisors, see if some medication can help you, lessen the load, and go on.</p>
<p>thanks a lot for the different input. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think I’m a perfectionist anymore than just a guy trying to end up at the top. I have this particular grudge that resulted from being looked down upon. And I can’t find a better personal resolution than to get out as much as I put in and have certain people kiss my a55 the next time I see them again.</p>
<p>If you have read some of my posts you would know I am a very driven person and maybe close to the Tiger mother (feel free to go over to that thread). </p>
<p>When I was younger, I wasn’t happy unless I was pushing myself to the limit, but it wasn’t healthy for me. I have an older daughter who is at a competitive college with a tough major. I tell her not to over load with too many classes, get good grades, but don’t need straight As, not even close. I encourage her to participate in activities and hang with friends. When she was a freshman, our regular discussions were about her sleep. There is only one thing she could do to get me upset and that’s knowing her not getting enough sleep or taking care of herself.</p>
<p>In reading your post(s), my impression is you are pushing yourself too hard. You need to find some fun things to do, whatever that maybe, something for you to look forward to do when you are not studying. When you are feeling good about yourself (happy), you will be more productive. If you think you may have depression, you need to take care of it just like any other illness. </p>
<p>I need to work long hours, but I only work from 7:30am to 6pm, people who work for me stay much longer. I do it by not not taking lunch hour, or chat on the phone. But come 6pm I am home with my family because they rejuvenate me. If it’s absolutely necessary, I would put in few more hours after I’ve had dinner with my family.</p>
<p>Ask yourself why you need to end up at the top? What if you don’t? Would your life or effort not be worth while? In my case, if I have put in 80+ hours a week, with no life, I maybe earning more money or have a more senior position, but how much more? I am comfortable with what I have achieved with what I have put into my job, so it doesn’t matter how others may judge me. Maybe that’s your issue? You think by getting higher GPA in college you are then going to get people’s respect (very legitimate feeling), but the problem is you could achieve that and may still not get other people’s respect, then what?</p>
<p>Something disturbes me. You are hold a “personal grudge” and want to “end up at the top” so certain people can “kiss my a$$ the next time I see them”. This seems to be very immature thinking. You are an adult, right? It’s about you and your goals - not about proving to someone that you have made it, so to speak. Life is too short for this type of self-inflicted stress.</p>
<p>Also - If you drop 6 credits, will you still be a full-time student? I’m asking because my DD has a scholarship from her college and she must maintain full-time status to keep the money coming.</p>
<p>the 6 credit hour option is not yet certain until I meet with my international student adviser in 2 days. I don’t have any scholarships or financial aid, but let’s not get into that.</p>
<p>The way I put it (eg. the a55 kissing part) is a little over the top, I admit. Still, my ambitions aren’t going to change. It’s entirely possible to do it all and still be happy. There are living examples everywhere you go.</p>
<p>And I got the impression that some of you think I’m a Asian bred bookworm. That’s not really true at all. Despite parental setbacks, I’ve been involved with athletics nearly all my life, and I find ways to stay physically active. In fact, had it not been for sports, high school would have been that much closer to hell.</p>
<p>I would drop the credits, drop the paper route, and look into meds temporarily, possibly for the winter months (do you notice a seasonal aspect to your depressions?). Many college students are on antidepressants to get them through.</p>
<p>Maybe avoid loading up on so many credits in one semester, because then you are fatigued and take less the next semester. Why not take a normal load for both instead?</p>