My situation: I normally go to parties by myself because some of my friends go to other parties and I could go to them, but I always have to take the bus because it’s quite a walk to and from the off campus apartments. Plus, with fall ending and winter coming soon, the walking conditions would be worse for me.
Now, I don’t mind taking the bus, but some of the apartment parties can get busted at times, so I go to house & frat parties and they don’t get busted at all. I also live closer to them, so walking isn’t a problem for me.
Even then, I can just walk with random people who are going to parties if I don’t have anyone going with me, which would be safe for me. But, I have walked alone before and nothing bad has ever happened to me. I go to college in a small, safe town and bad stuff rarely happens, but I do understand why it’s still risky to do that: You never know what could happen.
I never had breast cancer before-- until I did. The fact that you’ve been lucky in the past does NOT mean your good luck will continue.
Every town in the world is a safe town until something happens to make it less than safe.
This is one of those rules that you do not break: ALWAYS go to a party with at least one other person. Best case, the worst that happens is that you slip on the ice in the middle of the night and your friend gets you help so you don’t get frostbite. Worst case, that person prevent something far, far worse from happening to you.
Two suggestions:
!) Get a friend to stay with you and go to your closer frat/house party (which won’t be busted).
. It’s just as easy for them to go with you (and travel on the bus) than for you to join them. If you do go–spend the night with someone–don’t walk alone in the dark or come back alone on the bus.
If you do go alone to a closer party, do join up with a group as it seems you have been doing. Make a quick friend and tell them you want to walk back too. Hopefully you have options for security from campus police-use it! Never feel you’re imposing on security to keep you safe! That’s what they are there for!
Eh, I’m not sure I agree that it’s always bad. It’s better to go to parties with someone you know, but it’s not inherently dangerous to walk around by yourself depending on the circumstances. If you’re planning on getting incapacitated then yes, go with someone who’s going to be sober.
If I always waited for someone to come do things with me (whether that was going to a party or simply going to the bodega for some butter) I’d never go anywhere. Even sometimes when I do go to parties where I know other people, I meet them there and travel home by myself.
I go to parties by myself if I know 1/4 of the people there.
Are you a guy? then going to a random party by yourself isn’t bad, just weird/awkward.
If you’re a girl then you should definitely go with a friend, even if you know everyone at the party.
I’m a guy, so maybe it’s not as bad. But still, I understand why it’s awkward because people expect you to come with a group. I just don’t understand why people expect that from you. My excuse is that I’m waiting for my friends who are running late. Even then, an open party is an open party, so anyone can come no matter what. Also, the whole guy to girl ratio all depends on the type of party.
This isn’t about being awkwardly alone while you wait for your friends to arrive.
It’s about making sure you’re safe as you walk alone to and from a party.
It’s about making sure that someone doesn’t slip something into your drink when you’re not looking. Of, if they do, that there’s someone there with your best interests at heart.
It’s about making sure that you’re not raped or murdered because you drank too much and no one had your back.
Yeah, I know, it could never happen to you; you go to a safe school.
But again I’ll repeat: safe places are simply places that haven’t reported a problem… yet.
People expect you to come with a group because it’s a form of nonverbal communication that tells people you aren’t some kind of friendless weirdo. I can understand if it’s the first couple weeks of your first semester at college, but cmon man. This late in the semester, I would find it strange that you aren’t able to scrounge up the companionship of another human being in a school with thousands of students to at least walk with you to a party.
The “my friends are running late” excuse doesn’t work unless there’s something to be actually late for (like a movie start time, etc) because that just tells me you value drinking by yourself rather than being patient while keeping your friends company.
If there is alcohol drinking at the party and you join in on that (or even if you are not careful about keeping watch over your drinks, alcoholic or not), the bigger risk may be at the party.
That’s an awful thing to say, regardless of whether it applies to the OP or not. Plenty of people have trouble finding friends at college and blaming them for their circumstances only makes them feel more ashamed, sad, and lonely.
Because you are a guy, your personal safety is most likely ok. But everyone should always be aware of their surroundings etc.
Honestly, I think it shows a level of confidence and is refreshing that you go to parties by yourself. It seems so many adults and young adults can’t do that these days. Good for you! It says that you have social skills to be able to walk into a party and socialize. A lot of people seem to be hiding behind their phones and laptops these days and then they feel lonely or say they don’t have friends. I think your excuse that your friends are running late is brilliant. It makes the solo arrival legit. Have fun! You’ll probably be the person who can network for a job!
Not necessarily. Drunk guys at parties may get into fights. Drunk guys may have sex with drunk partners where consent is not clear or not remembered, leading to ugly disciplinary or legal situations if someone reports sexual misconduct to either or both university student conduct or police. (Obviously, these risks are reduced for those who abstain from alcohol or other recreational drugs.)
@OhSorryYo I agree with @Empireapple, it’s easier said than done to ask random people to go to a party with you. I usually meet my friends at the party because they come at different times. Some say yes and some say no whenever I ask them to go out. I tried that before and I had some trouble with meeting my friends because they never showed up or they changed their minds. They’re still my friends, but they probably bounce around different parties instead of only staying at one place. Also, I don’t care if they leave me in the dust because I’m having fun either way meeting new people and having a good time. Furthermore, it shows bravery and confidence if I go to a party by myself. Say whatever you want @OhSorryYo but most people wouldn’t walk to a party by themselves in the first place.
Another risk of harm at drinking parties is accidents (e.g. tripping, falling, hitting one’s head on something, etc.), and poor judgement by other drunk people with respect to getting timely medical assistance.
I wouldn’t say going to a party by yourself is a bad thing. It is sort of one of those golden rules that you as a male should be going to a party with a group. The only way people won’t view this as someone being a loner if you are a female. Being in a group of people (preferably girls) increase your social status as well. Imagine in a party if you see a guy with two beautiful girls. People will automatically think higher of that person. Also what would you likely be doing in this party? If you are getting drunk, then you will be less aware of what is going around with you. If you want to meet new people, you can do that everywhere, not just parties. You have to talk loud due to music being played. Remember that if these parties are hosted by frats, these frats people have higher priorities than you at their parties. Also they are trying to get laid as well, so if they see talking to some girl (whether drunk or not) they will try to isolate you from her. It honestly depend on the situation. If they view less of you and they think you are “different in a bad way”, they will give you a hard time.
I also find it hard to believe that most people don’t have the confidence to approach me and start a conversation when I look lonely at times. Even though that I can do that by myself, people need to realize that I can’t do all of the work.
Like I said again, I will try to hang out with my friends more often, but it’s all up to them if they want to hang out with me or not. This will also tell me if they really like me or not depending on what type of excuse they say to me if they don’t want me joining them. So, I’m planning on asking them because when I want to go to a party and they don’t feel like going, it’s sometimes a struggle for me. But, if worse comes to worse, then I can always ask my other friend if I can hang out with him in my dorm. Plus, my roommate is too boring for me: He stays in his room all day playing his phone or laptop without doing anything else. I can’t live like that, but he somehow does it without getting bored.
Interestingly enough, there’s no need to shy away from meeting new people at parties just because they look “weird or creepy”, especially if they aren’t doing anything “questionable” at all. I’ve had this happen to me before and it’s tough to deal with, but I do understand why some people act like that.
If people are recommending not going alone to a party it’s to avoid finding yourself in a sticky situation. For example you mentioned last week you went to a party and sat next to a girl that people thought you were hitting on. Suppose someone accuses you of doing something and you say I didn’t do anything. You have no one else at the party to defend you. It’s not about confidence but for your own safety. For example you start feeling sick or the party gets busted at least someone else should know where you are god forbid you find yourself in a dangerous situation.
Even if you go with the best intentions stuff happens. You mentioned in earlier posts that other students misinterpret your actions as creepy so you need to be extra careful.
I am sure your college has a crime log. Have you ever checked it? Most of the situations over the weekend are students busted for underage drinking.
Bjkmom, good lord, how do you find the courage to leave the house every day?
Routinely went to/left parties by myself both as a high schooler in NYC and as a college student in providence. Maybe the former is why i felt comfortable with the latter.
@iwannabe_Brown It’s because OP was pretty much suspected/accused of sexually assaulting or going to sexually assault a drunk girl he was sitting alone with by another girl who said she was inappropriately touched by OP the week before. So going back to the same party scene is risky/stupid for OP. No one to back him up.