<p>My daughter got a hand-me-down (Saab) shortly after she turned 16. It was a very modest car compared to most driven by her peers in our community. She loved it. We didn’t expect her to pay for it or even pay for gas. She never abused the privilege of having that car. It did not survive her younger brother, unfortunately, and we replaced it (for D) with a 2000 Ford Focus which she likes and has taken good care of. Her dream car is a Toyota Matrix, which we plan to give her for college graduation next spring.
The situation with WildChild was more complicated and cars had a lot to do with some of the “issues” we had with him in early high school. He had no car for several years. The summer before his second junior year we got him a car that was used, but still more than we should have provided. He was very appreciative, and we made it clear that while we would be getting his sister another car, this car was the only one he would get from us. He had the car at boarding school senior year (for medical appts and college visits- the school held the keys) and has it at college. Yes, this is an area in which we spoiled our kids.</p>
<p>This is so helpful. thanks! I’m going to print and save this for H to read.</p>
<p>We bought a new car for H, kept his old one (and it was old!) for D to drive. The insurance was cheap - so we paid for it - but we made her pay for the gas - which wasn’t cheap as the car is a bit of a gas guzzler. We never referred to it as “her” car - and since she’s in college in a very urban area where it’s better not to have a car, it stayed behind for her younger brother to use when his time comes. Sort of a ‘family car’ solution.</p>
<p>We live in an area with virtually no public transportation, and Marian is right that the purchase of a (used Corolla) car for my S paid for itself very quickly in the extra hours I was able to work (self-employed, I earn when I work and not when I don’t). I did not expect him to pay for it. Now the car has been handed down to the younger sisters. I do not expect them to pay for it, either, as Marian’s reasoning applies. </p>
<p>At the end of son’s freshman year in college I bought him a new car because his car was being used at home. I think it was one of the best things I ever did. As a D1 athlete with close to a 4.0 average, he barely has time to eat, let alone work. He is the antithesis of spoiled–if anything, he is too modest, too unassuming. But he has gotten so much pleasure from having a nice new car–worth every penny to me. It basically makes his student-athlete life possible.</p>
<p>Son will be self-supporting after graduation and he’ll have plenty of work years ahead of him. In exchange for my buying him that car, I’m sure he’ll foot some of my nursing home bills ;-).</p>
<p>My kids have late buses at their school for after school activities and I never minded driving them places so there was never really a <em>need</em> for a third car. The fact that the majority of kids do get cars and drive to school by the end of junior year was never really a factor for me either, as I am not someone who has ever made decisions based on what everyone else is doing. </p>
<p>But I really wanted both kids to get plenty of driving experience before they left/leave home. My feeling is that having this driving experience will make them safer and more confident drivers in the long run. We did put limits on the driving , especially regarding the number of passengers and circumstances under which the car could be used and didn’t automatically allow driving alone in all circumstances even after the license. I imagine that these would have especially been major concerns for me in a state that allows a permit at age 15, and particularly so with a boy. </p>
<p>The other big issue for me is that I didn’t want the kids taking rides with inexperienced or newly licensed drivers, often in unsafe cars and with many passengers -so that was a big part of it, too. Our third car, although used by S(and he naturally came to call it “his car”) , is really a family car, and similar to some of you, now that he is away and has only an infrequent need for it, D with learner’s is using it too.</p>
<p>I think a reliable 10 year old car is appropriate for a new driver until they get a few years of driving without major mishaps under their belt. Either a family hand me down or $4000 used car would be in that range. I think few kids are ready to take care of a new car and will trash it or wreck it in the first year.</p>
<p>Funny how the thought shifted from the beginning of this thread until now. Here’s the way my wife and I see it: Until S went away to college, we sort of considered everything as family owned. We needed another car when he started driving (he was an EXTREMELY busy guy), so we designated the full-size pickup truck (125,000 miles) that my wife drove as “his” car (which he promptly “customized” with lights, stickers, etc), and a little later we bought a brand new car (Jeep Liberty) for my wife to use. The day the car came home was the Jr/Sr Prom, so guess who drove it. Well, the new car was much smaller than the truck, much safer, had side impact air bags, and had much better visibility from the driver’s point of view. My wife and I both had the same idea at the same time. We would MUCH rather have him driving the safer, more easily manueverable car that the big truck (which did not even have passenger air bags). So that car became the one he used all the time. And we ALSO used it as a family car when we went out. And now that he’s gone off to school, of course we use it much of the time. </p>
<p>When he was driving, we paid for everything (insurance, maintenance, etc) except gas. He paid for gas from his summer work and any other money he made during the year (selling his DVD’s or web design work or making films for people). When he takes the car with him back for his third year in college, it will then be “his” car, and it will be up to him to keep it maintained and repaired. We haven’t decided yet whether to keep paying the insurance for him or not.</p>
<p>Now I realize that it’s easier with a single kid, but our thought was that he was just part of the family and we were buying another family car that we needed. If my wife needed another vehicle, I wouldn’t be asking myself whether or not it would “spoil” her to get what we as a family needed.</p>
<p>I also disagree with those who talk about getting a clunker for the kid. In our case, we wanted him to be driving the safest, most reliable car in the family.</p>
<p>S once said to me (actually, he’s said this many times): “Yes, I’m spoiled, but I’m not spoiled rotten!” And he never has been.</p>
<p>Spoiling is about whether or not a kid appreciates what they have or whether they are have some sense of entitlement. The simple fact of a kid getting a car (or anything else for that matter) does not equate to de facto spoiling–it’s about the character and values instilled up to that point.</p>
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<p>Agree. For the proper definition of spoiling, please refer to MTV’s “Sweet 16” show.</p>
<p>I’m in the camp of shared use of older family car. We’ve held onto an old car we “replaced” years ago. It wasn’t for the kids, but just because it is a good little car with AWD. Kids biggest objection is no AC. Husband likes car but concern for young drivers is safety (size, no airbags). I’m open to replacing it AFTER kids learn to drive stick, but I’m reluctant to replace an extremely reliable car with an unknown.</p>
<p>Our DD purchased her first car (a 1994 Saab with 129K miles) in 2004 when she was 16. It was a safe car, got decent mileage and had been superbly maintained by the previous owner. She used money from her savings (Christmas, birthday and employment earnings). Up until the time she left for school, she had been employed at the same place for two years. We pay for her insurance, but she has never asked for a penny for gas. Actually, she has never asked us for money for anything since having the job. Her grandparents surprised her for graduation with a newer car. She pays for her gas and we continue to pay for her insurance. We also cover AAA membership. We gave her a gas card in case she’s ever in a pinch. We were very up front about the car rules before we allowed her to take it to school. She may not allow anyone else to drive the car. She must keep the oil changed regularly, and if she receives any moving violations, she will pay the ticket, leave the car parked at home in our garage for six months and take over her insurance payments.</p>
<p>I don’t believe it spoils a teen to buy them a car, but I do think they need to take responsibility for the care of the car, have good driving habits and maintain some type of employment to help defray costs. Personally, I would not like my daughter to be 6 1/2 hours away from home without access to a car.</p>
<p>Also agree, nimby. Not all families are in the same financial position, and this will affect the ability to afford cars, as well as everything else! There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question, as a result.</p>
<p>We have five cars in the family and six drivers. Two of the cars are my H’s, one mine and the other three are used by the four kids. One D uses one exclusively as she is now working, two Ds share the use of another as one is far away at college and thus rarely needs it, and my youngest D uses the last one to get to and from school everyday, a half hour drive as opposed to a 1 1/2 hour commute by public transit.</p>
<p>My H and I have paid for all of them, most bought new. A couple of the kids’ cars are cars which my H got as a company car and when the lease runs out the company makes them available for purchase. We have always considered safety as one of the top factors when purchasing cars and would never consider an “old clunker” for either ourselves or our kids. The risks are just too great and we’ve seen families who have regretted their decision to do so. My Ds all appreciate the cars, just as they appreciate other things in their lives, including their expensive college educations! They all have worked on a somewhat regular basis during summers and part time in high school. One is working part time in college this year, the other one still in college has a schedule which precludes working during the year. All money earned by them has always gone towards their own spending money for the year.</p>
<p>Like I said, each family is different and each family has to make these decisions in a way that best works for THEM. None of my kids has ever been in an accident and they all keep their cars fairly clean and tidy, sometimes better than mine!</p>
<p>I also didn’t want my kids to drive an old used car because of safety concerns and my own peace of mind. So, as I wrote, we did buy a kids’ car that was new, a small SUV, and it still belongs to US, but it is for their use, pretty much was one kid at a time but if ever are both here (which is pretty much never as neither lives at home even in the summer), it belongs to them both. But one has it at college since the other would never have one there (she lives in NYC). </p>
<p>I also pay for insurance and gas. The only exception is the gas AT college, I ask her to pay for since having the car there is a privilege and she doesn’t use a lot of gas (she goes to Brown). If she drives home or something of that sort, we pay for the gas. She had a grandparent treat her to the parking spot at college last year and I am this year. There also is not a straight forward public transportation way to go from her college to our home. She is also on a college Varsity sports teams and there are times the car has been handy for that as well as they practice out of state and there have been times she needed it in relation to that and training camps. She is also on a club team that needs to provide their own transportation. </p>
<p>My kids have top grades, are intensely engaged in extracurriculars and so this is an expense that I am willing to pay for, same as their education. Again, having a car for the kids’ use has been beneficial to us, particularly in high school. Also, as others have said, there are times I’d rather them be responsible for their own transportation, rather than ride with other kids. We strictly enforced the laws of not driving any other kids for six months after getting their licenses (amazingly other families did not enforce that with their teens). As well, when in HS, our kids had to call as they left to go some place with the car and when they arrived. There were gradual restrictions as to where they could drive and so forth. My oldest child has driven 6000 miles to Alaska. I would not allow the younger one to do that as she has much less driving experience. Until this past summer began, she had never driven more than 25 miles a shot. (she is 17 and currently a college soph) This summer, in another state, I let her drive about 40 miles in a shot, but I actually went with her on that route once first for my own peace of mind, as she had never done that sort of driving before on a highway in a setting unlike where we live. So, I still reserve the right to restrict where they can drive with a car that I own. Older one has no restrictions at this point. Ironically, when my younger D had her car crash at age sixteen, she was driving to rendezvous with drivers who had their licenses longer because I was not allowing her to drive the 50 miles to the city they were going to for the day and so she was meeting them to go in their cars. So, even with restrictions, and only letting her drive a shorter way to meet them, an accident still happened.</p>
<p>I agree with Nimby58 that the simple fact that a car is purchased for your child’s use does not equate to spoiling. Everyone has their own personal reasons for providing/not providing one, most of which have nothing to do with indulgence.</p>
<p>As for us, quite frankly, we gave our kids hand-me-down cars for OUR convenience, not theirs. Actually, that’s the reason they got hand-me-down cell phones too when they started high school. We live in an area where there is no public transportation. Heck, we don’t even have sidewalks!</p>
<p>After carpooling for hours per week for years for soccer, etc., I was more than happy to be relieved of that responsibility. And after graciously allowing me to rework my schedule during times of need, I’m sure my employer was happy too. The cars have always been titled in our names, not our children’s. We pay for insurance and they must pay for their own gas out of their monthly allowance. Every family’s situation is different, and you have to do what you think is best for yours.</p>
<p>A lot does depend upon family situation, very true. Our older son still doesn’t have a car at age 23, because he hasn’t needed one. Our younger son, on the other hand, really wanted a car when he turned 16. He found a '78 Ford Fairmount at the local wrecking yard for $400, which he had saved up from his part-time job. We paid the insurance on it, but that took the place of the allowance he had been receiving up to that time. He drove that car all through high school, and it is still sitting in out driveway, because he isn’t quite ready to part with it. Being an older car, it is easier to work on, and he learned how to do most of the maintenance himself.</p>
<p>This year, as a sophomore in college, my younger son is an RA, a job he is doing to save us money. The dorm to which he is assigned is about the farthest one from the building where most of his classes are. Before he accepted the RA position, he asked us if he could get a reliable car to take to college. Since his job would save us several thousand more than the cost of a decent used car, we agreed. He did the research on what cars are reliable, searched on craigslist to determine a reasonable price, and found one that we bought for him a '96 Honda Accord for $3600.</p>
<p>Incidentally, he was prouder of his old Ford and took better care of it than many of his friends who were handed nice cars by their parents without having to work for them.</p>
<p>On the contrary, buying a boy a car will is like pouring a maturity accelerant on him. It is one of the best investments an ambitious parent can make. As soon as he gets that car, a boy will start to think of himself as an adult–a hitherto foreign concept for most 15 year old males. Suddenly he sees that he is actually on YOUR side of the fence. Having the car also boosts his self-confidence during a period of intensely embarrassing adolescent growth. Having the car also reduces the desire to drink. Mine would rather drive and have control of their evening than drink.</p>
<p>We bought our older son a used Japanese station wagon with airbags the week before he got his license. He and his younger brother put in 25%–but that was because they had chunks of cash left over from an overly generous grandmother. A few months after our older son left home, the younger one turned 15 1/2 and he got the car. It’s got a few parking dings on it and it’s not the cleanest car you’ve ever seen, but other than that, touch wood, they’ve had no major problems.</p>
<p>We bought all the gas and the insurance and everything else because we didn’t allow the boys to work during high school.</p>
<p>We bought each of our 2 S’s trucks when they turned 16. The catch was that they had to have a job to get the car. H and I both worked in h.s. and thought it would be a good experience for them. They both got jobs at a nearby grocery store. We paid the insurance but they have paid for every drop of gas and some maintenance costs. They also pay for their own “entertainment” expenses(eating out, ballgames, movies). The cars are in H’s name so he has veto power over anything regarding the cars even though each boy refers to it as “his truck”. It has been a convenience for us and the kids have learned a lot about care car and maintence (they change their own oil and do small repair job) and responsibility. It took a lot of hours bagging groceries for S1 to pay for the repair after he backed into a tree in a friends yard!</p>
<p>We did buy or hand down cars when our kids reached driving age. Like many previous posters, we live in an area where there is no public transportation and no provision for transportation for after school activities–it just made sense for kids to have a car available. With 2 boys playing school sports and a daughter riding horses daily, I was pulled in all directions. </p>
<p>In this area the range of models greatly varies but I didn’t know of any students who didn’t have at least use of a car. Here one can’t get a gallon of milk, a Rx, or do anything without driving—even the use of bicycles is dangerous as roadways are not set up for it (unless one is just riding in a subdivision). </p>
<p>That said, the cars were always registered in our names and the kids always asked permission or informed us when they were using them and what for. They also knew that any accidents (if at fault) or speeding tickets would result in driving priviledges being revoked or curtailed. The kids paid on gas out of their money, but we covered insurance (I paid gas if it was for my convenience like pick up siblings, run errands, etc).</p>
<p>Now that first born is off the family “payroll” we signed the car he used over to him when he graduated college and became employed.</p>
<p>We live in an area with teens and expensive cars, too, but we simply can’t afford to do that. We told daughter that if she (a) goes to a SUNY school or (b) gets money from a private school that brings the cost down to that of a SUNY school, we’ll talk. Otherwise she’s not getting a car until she can buy one. She can’t get her license until December, anyway, when she turns 17 and a couple of her colleges don’t allow cars in freshman year, so I think we can wait till the summer to even discuss. I don’t think it’s spoiling to get a kid a car, especially if it gives the parents a break. I do worry about safety, though. One of my daughter’s best friends (brat in the extreme) got a spiffy, white, customized BMW for her 17th birthday. I always thought they were rich and was stunned to find out otherwise. The girl will be going to a community college, regardless of her abilities, because parents have spent tens of thousands of dollars on the car, clothes, a nose job, electronics, Coach bags . . . and there is nothing left for college.</p>
<p>Buy him the car, but make him buy his own insurance, gas, and maintenance, especially the insurance.</p>