<p>I can’t wait for my kids to leave. They are great and we get along well, but I really am tired of keeping house, doing laundry, supporting them and being taken for granted in the process. Right now, my almost 21-year-old son’s dog is whining outside my window wanting attention (of course son is not home) and 24-year-old daughter’s laundry is neatly folded and waiting for the princess to wake up so it can be put away, most likely by me. Neither can afford to move out and I’m not going to kick them out, so I guess I shouldn’t complain, but I can’t wait to be alone (I am single), and I feel guilty about it. Anybody else feel this way or am I just in a bad mood this morning? :)</p>
<p>H-double-hockey-sticks NO, you are not wrong to look forward to an empty nest. Obviously it’s time for your kids to become more independent. Even if they are still living at home, you are not required to “mother” them anymore. Tell your S he cannot be gone unless he has made arrangements with his sister or someone other than you to take care of his dog. And assign laundry (including yours) to one kid, and cleaning to the other. You’re paying the mortgage; they are adults and they should be contributing something to the household.</p>
<p>Not, don’t feel guilty. When my freshman son was home for Christmas, it was great for the week we were on family vacation. After that, I just find it stressful. I do miss him when he’s gone but life seems so much more laid-back when he’s at school. I think mostly because I don’t worry about him as much, we aren’t constantly arguing about curfews and husband can’t complain constantly about the fact that son sleeps until noon. Spring break is coming up and he’s coming home with no plans. I keep asking him, “Aren’t college students suppose to go to Florida for spring break?” :)</p>
<p>I dread this coming summer. We’ve told him he either has to have a job or he will be taking several classes at the local technical college. He needs something to give him a routine.</p>
<p>I do miss him a lot, and he’s generally a good kid, we text back and forth nearly every day while he’s at school and when I do get to see him, I enjoy it. It’s just hard at this age because they are hovering between adolescence (with limited or temporary responsibilities) and full-on, ’ have a job and their own home’ adulthood. I keep hearing 25 is the magic age. Keeping fingers crossed! Only 5 1/2 years to go…</p>
<p>I can’t wait either, but our wait will be a little longer. One in HS, one in college. We try to cut the purse strings a little bit more every year. My kids have always had lots of chores, plus 16 yr old is expected to get summer job. College D must be self-supporting (excluding tuition, room and board) when she is at college and get summer job. I’m hoping to make it so uncomfortable for them that they would rather share an apt with 4 friends and work two jobs (like I did) than live at home. But, I have no problem asking kids to pay rent, contribute to food purchases, etc. if they live at home after college.</p>
<p>As one musicmom to another (!), you are absolutely entitled to respect and cooperation from your now adult kids that you are graciously allowing to live with you!!</p>
<p>I too am looking forward to an empty nest. I don’t feel guilty in the least saying it out loud. I see it as the natural progression in life. DH and I have both worked hard, provided a home, food, education, care and love for our two young adult children. It’s our job to provide them with the skills to launch in life, not to stay here with us forever. </p>
<p>Neither of our two WANT to live with us any longer, not due to poor relationships or issues, but because they want to have their own lives, freedom and sense of accomplishment to do things their own way.
DS will be returning after May graduation and he’s welcome to stay while he regroups and job hunts. He’ll cut the lawn, do his own laundry, etc while he’s here.
DD is intellectually disabled but works and does her own laundry, empties the DW, cleans her room, etc. She hopes to find a group home and live with friends.</p>
<p>We love them both but it is the natural cycle of life thing for kids to fly, eh?</p>
<p>You don’t have to wait for them to move out for things to get easier for you. For example, I taught my son to do his laundry when he was 12 years old. </p>
<p>It sounds like it’s time for a family meeting. You are a single mom who needs and deserves a lot more help than you are getting.</p>
<p>Our S (23) has been back with us since August, waiting for his security clearance & job to start which will have him relocating 5000 miles from us. His “clock” is different from ours & he generally wakes past noon and sleeps after midnight. He’s otherwise a great kid and spending time helping declutter our home & my parents’ storage room. It has mostly been a pleasant interlude. I just throw his laundry in with ours if I have extra space in the machine. I do sometimes ask him to help with errands and projects and mostly he obliges.</p>
<p>D is 21 and a junior in college. She will probably end up living in LA, 2500 miles from us for a while, launching her career. We will miss her but NOT her hours (which are similar to S’s). When she comes home, she is generally destressing and does not help much around the house, but is very pleasant and doesn’t add much to the running of the household anyway.</p>
<p>If I were a single parent & it was disruptive for me to have to take care of one of my kids’ pets, I would insist that they figure out how to have it cared for or they find it a new home. I would also try to get a more equal division of chores than you’re getting (easier said than done, especially if you haven’t set any rules when they first returned). 
Perhaps you can broach it explaining that you would like these last months/years of being together to be as cherished as possible but for that to happen, you need the load to be better distributed. Good luck! :)</p>
<p>Empty-nester here (1.5 years). It’s wonderful! And I don’t feel guilty about it because my D doesn’t want to live with us fulltime any more than we want her to. I do have occasional pangs of missing her, but it’s more than made up for by being able to access the laundry machines when I want them.</p>
<p>Ages and stages in life. Time for the empty nest stage. Find ways to divorce your kids- stop the nice things you do for them. Let them know you still love them but not living with them. Remind them this is YOUR house and they need to contribute to your sense of well being if they would like to stay. Inform them of your new rules- everyone takes care of their own needs and maintains things to your standards. Being used to you catering to them they are lilely oblivious to yoyr needs or feelings. Have one discussion, then implement changes as you see fit.</p>
<p>Cook family meals when you feel like it, otherwise it is everyone for themselves. Also make it known which foods, if any, they may use. Laundry is to be ignored- and if it is in your way remove it- a closet or even the garage. Feel free to let them negotiate with you- AFTER they cook and clean up for a meal for you you might do their laundry…</p>
<p>I don’t blame your kids. I wouldn’t move out either with the wonderful maid service you’re providing!</p>
<p>Hi musicmom1215! I so understand how you are feeling. My youngest, the one you know, is not much of a problem because he is still away at school and will be for another 2 years and he is always away in the summer too. But his older brother who does have his own place comes to stay with us for 2 nights a week because his school is much closer to us and he goes nights so it is easier for him. BUT he is extending his stay for 3 to 4 nights a week! He is pleasant to be around but he’s driving me crazy! We compete for computer time (he has a lovely new computer at HIS house -which we bought him for Christmas) he cooks but his clean up leaves a lot to be desired he has taken over a bedroom leaves it a wreck as well as the bathroom. Its time for a little chat! I’m not sure how I am going to approach it. I will let you know how it goes.</p>
<p>Thanks, everybody. I see so many threads about how moms are going to be so sad when junior goes off to school, so I thought I was awful for wanting them to go! Son lived with me until a year ago, when he got a job closer to his dad’s house, so he moved there. Dad lives about 15 miles from here. However, now his job (and girlfriend) are closer to my house, so he stays here more and more nights a week, like srw’s son. He will do his own laundry if I don’t beat him to it, but I usually throw theirs in with mine to make a full load. Daughter moved back after college graduation to get her feet on the ground, and lives on a different clock, too. I guess I’m just too nice (haha) because I sort of treat them like guests–who have overstayed their welcome! Daughter did put her own laundry away today. I do need to get tough. Daughter has applied for grad school. If she doesn’t get in (and thus will be staying here longer), I’m laying down the law!</p>
<p>I’d be resentful as well, musicmom. Single parent here as well, and I have those times of frustration when I feel taken advantage of as well. However, I notice those feelings, and know to do something about it, pronto, as I really don’t want to feel badly about my kids. So they know that dishes are to be washed by the time I come home from work, counters wiped, snow shoveled, trash cans taken in, etc. It has been an evolution over these years home from college, and sometimes there’s a certain amount of rapid shoveling in evidence as I pull in the driveway. But they are getting it, and I really try to approach issues with joking challenges to their behavior. </p>
<p>I haven’t done their laundry in years, though might throw something into my own load. The mess in their room is awful at times, and I threaten to invade for a clean up, but they work away and things progress. </p>
<p>Some of my incentive has been not wanting to subject ANYONE to dependent, dysfunctional behavior as a roomie or spouse. Myself especially! Sometimes it feels the bringing 'em up right process never ends. My S, who breezes in for a few weeks here and there, is a slippery one though, and seems to breeze out again before I can get over being thrilled long enough to address some needed issues.</p>