Is my essay in the right direction?

College Essays
1

<p>How is this essay?proof read it as I went, but there still may be some errors. I have written an essay, but I am worried that it is not personal enough, but it’s on something I feel very strongly about and that reflects my career goals. Would anybody be willing to review it? The prompt is </p>

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<p>p.s. it’s for UMCP
edit: entire essay removed, realized that this is public forum.</p>

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<p>I am going to sleep now, so do not wait for a reply if you are interested :). I will be able to send it to you at most 19 hours from now. </p>

<p>Thanks in advance!</p>