<p>Not only is it unorthodox, it seems unorthodox only for the sake of being so- like getting a tattoo to shout about your individualism. Besides the “controversial” topics you wrote about, I take issue with the conversational tone of the whole thing. This is an essay, not a seventeen year old’s chance to shock his straight edge parents. I hate to seem harsh, but it’s rubbish from top to bottom. Go for less shock value and for more true value. By the way, most learned adults don’t want to be lectured to by a high school kid who’s got it all figured out.</p>
<p>“I personally believe that black people shouldn’t be allowed to get married either.”</p>
<p>Wow. Your essay is racist. I am a person who acknowledges the facts of the Bell Curve and other related publications, but even I, am astounded by the hateful (or sarcastic?) tone of your essay. We use the term too liberally at times, but your essay is something I can truly call, racist. I hope you are not. I hope the admissions officer is not black.</p>
<p>You need to focus on one topic and elaborate on that. </p>
<p>Ayn Rand is probably rolling in her grave as she watches your pathetic attempt at “reasoning”. You don’t “reason” in this essay, you just shout really loudly hoping that you’ll drown the admissions officers out.</p>
<p>This is HILARIOUS.
Def. not a college essay, but you can write :]
I love your sarcasm.</p>
<p>This is great to read but it is NOT an admission essay.
How can you even think about using the word “masturbation” and “****ed” in a college admissions essay?
It also seems way to sensationalistic to me. While I agree with almost all your points, your debate isn’t well constructed.</p>