<p>I have a feeling that my mom thinks I’m an overall burden financially and emotionally. I don’t blame her because if I raised someone like myself I would be annoyed and drained too. She even says I drain her. If I had the chance to be 100% independent, I would, but unfortunately I don’t have the means to do so.
I know the first thing most of you are thinking is to get a job and to just stop doing whatever it is I’m doing to bother my mom, but this is not as easy as it sounds because I seem to have every other mental problem in the book. OCD, Asperger’s Syndrome, anxiety, speech disorder…who knows what’s next? I don’t mean to whine, but I hate getting these surprises every few years. </p>
<p>My mom acts as if I brought all of this on myself and that my dad is enabling it. I have a feeling that she would have kicked me out of the house if it wasn’t for my dad “defending” me all the time. She does have every right to though, I’m twenty years old and by the time I’m twenty-one she could cut me off altogether according to New York State law. </p>
<p>I’ll admit that I’m not searching for jobs as often and as intensely as necessary. I’ll admit that if I tried harder I would have found something I liked by now and it is absolutely my fault for being too lazy to do the search every day. From now on I promise to actively search for a job from this moment on as I am looking into suggestions that others have given me to me here on CC.
I will just take anything available for now and hope that I can bear with it long enough until I find something I can actually handle. In this economy, I will even be a fast food worker until I can find a job where my co-workers and the customers will not find me burdensome.</p>
<p>To prevent this from being TL;DR I will get to the point by posting what happened today in the next post to give your eyes a rest.</p>
<p>My throat is bothering me because of acid reflux and I decided to call the doctor to make an appointment. When I made the appointment my dad said for my mom to drop me off there because he needs rest. My dad works at night, so it is understandable that he wants to sleep during the day. When I called my mom about this she was upset and asked me if I thought she had a real job and told me that she paid the bills and asked why my dad couldn’t do it.</p>
<p>I went to the school doctor yesterday and they said they couldn’t see me because they did not have my records and gave me a form to fill out. I was going to fill out the form and take the bus to school but my mom said no because Friday is a bad day as no one will most likely be available and that I should not trust the school ever again. It’s a long story, but the school panicked and hospitalized me for a few hours therefore my mom is wary of them. She was upset because of the fact I trusted the school in the first place and angrily told me not to do anything rash.</p>
<p>Then she told me to gargle saltwater with lemons because a friend of hers that is a nurse suggested it. Then she said, “It is better than going to the doctors who will just shove more pills down your throat than you already take.” Maybe I was a little paranoid, but I don’t think I was rude at any point. I do actually take medication for OCD and she’s not pleased with having to pay for the co-pay and the medication even though my dad is usually the one who pays for it. I have paid for it myself with the money I got for my birthday and Christmas too. She very resistant about seeing the doctor because she did not want to pay for the co-pay of that visit as well. I canceled the appointment and a few hours later my dad woke up. My dad asked me what happened to the earlier appointment and I said I canceled it and was going to do the home remedy instead. He said to call them back and that he would drop me off and pay for everything.</p>
<p>I know that some of you are wondering why I couldn’t drive there myself. I have never had any real reasons to learn how to drive until recently. When I was in high school I had no close friends whose house I would want to drive to or was invited to any parties. My dad has taught me a few things, but I get too anxious on the road because I’m afraid of accidents. I’m sorry for making excuse after excuse; I will overcome the excuses and learn how to drive because I HAVE to.</p>
<p>The doctor gave me a prescription for Nexium and said that if I couldn’t afford it I could take Zanac. I’m afraid of taking an additional pill and was ashamed to tell my mom this because I proved her right—I did get another pill shoved down my throat.</p>
<p>I wish there was a way that I could apologize with more than words. I want to apologize my changing my life altogether and stop burdening and annoying her so much. If I ever had children, I would not want them to be like me, so it is understandable how she feels, but I don’t know how to change.</p>
<p>In this economy, I will even be a fast food worker until I can find a job where my co-workers and the customers will not find me burdensome.</p>
<p>I am not sure what you mean by this.
Even be a fast food worker.
When you find a job, that is worth doing- do it well. If you can’t do it well, do something else. Take pride in what you are doing- whether you feel it has prestige or not, that isn’t where the importance lies.
If you do a sloppy job, you disrespect yourself, disrespect the people that hired you and disrespect others doing similar jobs.</p>
<p>For people that have medical conditions, there are often access buses that can provide them with transportation. It may take you 4 times as long to get there, because the routes need to drop off and pick up other people, but you would be taking a step toward acheiving independence.</p>
<p>Actually, fast food is a very good place to work in this economy.</p>
<p>The fast food chains – especially McDonald’s – are making very good money right now because people are eating in fast food places instead of in more expensive restaurants and because it the cost of fast food meals is only a little bit higher than the cost of eating at home. </p>
<p>So if a fast food restaurant in your area is hiring, why not give it a try? You would be unlikely to get laid off because of the economy.</p>
<p>One of the (few) good things about a bad economy is that nobody has to feel ashamed of taking a job that might be considered too low-level for them in better times. Everyone knows that people are getting laid off and that some of those people are having to take less sophisticated, lower level jobs because they have no other choice. The company I work for has a new employee starting on Tuesday who is ridiculously overqualified for the job he is taking. But he needs the money, and he has the necessary skills for the job (along with a lot of other skills that we don’t need). He has no reason to be ashamed of this, and neither does anyone else in his situation.</p>
<p>Also, were you officially classified as disabled when you were in high school? If you were, you may be entitled to some services from the school system until you’re 21, and that might include help in finding a job. It couldn’t hurt to call your former school’s guidance department and see if any help is available.</p>
<p>Nexium was a lifesaver for my son. Give it a try. It neutralizes the acid that has burned your throat, which gargling would never do. You don’t have to take it for your whole life - once the throat has healed, you may be able to discontinue it and only take it when the problem reoccurs.</p>
<p>You write well! Did you see that link I posted with the story about Delmar Williams (I think it was in a thread titled “Aspergers”) Very inspirational story, and just plain interesting.</p>
<p>for someone with aspergers he seems very self aware.
I would suggest something like stockroom at a grocery- I think that dealing with customers could be too stressful - but I don’t think it is important that you like it.</p>
<p>Afterall- do we like every part of all the things that we do everyday?
Of course not.
I consider housekeeping, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking et al to be tedious. sometimes excruciatingly so.
A job isn’t necessarily something you * like*, then it would be called a hobby!
You seem very intelligent, and I am sure it is stressful in your house- even when young adults don’t have differences, they can be stressful to live with ( as can anyone)</p>
<p>I will guess that your mother loves you very much & feels guilty that she is frustrated with you, which makes it worse. It also is difficult when parents aren’t on the same page.</p>
<p>Oh- since many people are working from home-is it possible to get a job tutoring online? ( although you may just need to get out of the house)
Anyjob- even if just a few days a week, can help you organize other things by giving structure.
Perhaps contact your high school counselor?
Good luck.</p>
<p>Yes, it was very interesting. It shows that anyone can socialize and get to know others if they put effort into it. Thank you for the link.</p>
<p>BTW everyone, I’m a girl. I heard that it’s rare for a girl to have AS, but I probably don’t really have it to begin with. I think the doctor only said I had it because of social problems and that I had a speech delay in the past. I was probably only given the label because I would get more help because of it or for people to be more understanding. It’s more than likely legitimate in most cases, but in my case it’s just a nice way to say I’m a social dunce.</p>
<p>I’m not a parent but I’ve read some of your other posts and found I used to have a lot of the same issues (although I don’t have Aspergers so perhaps not as severe). As for the driving anxiety, I had it for two years and couldn’t pass my test the first 4 times partly out of horrible coordination and partly out of heart-wrenching nervousness. I did pass eventually though and am a much better/safer driver at this point, so my advice is just to keep trying and don’t get discouraged… you’ll learn eventually and will be more proud of yourself for overcoming the obstacles you had to deal with.</p>
<p>And there are plenty of people that are supported financially by their parents at your age; it’s no pridemark but there’s no need to act like its the end of the world either; just do your best to secure financial independence for your future right now by getting your education and learning the job skills you’ll need for later (and continuing be grateful obviously).</p>
<p>I’ve read several of your posts. There are only a few suggestions I’d like to give you (since you asked!!).</p>
<p>You seem frustrated and that is OK, there is a lot going on with your life. Please just keep in mind that you are young! </p>
<p>Patience with YOURSELF is crucial when you are young and learning about the world and your place in it.</p>
<p>Determination to succeed is good, you have that. Still, determination to make x does not mean that you make a change, or get a job you like or learn to make your mom happy will happen on the first (second or third) attempt. Just keep trying and celebrate little steps. You don’t have to do the whole thing all at once.</p>
<p>Kindness to yourself and others is also a skill to develop. Try to remember some successes you managed with others said you couldn’t. Try to do something nice for your mom, but if she can’t give you all the support you would want from her, please let it be her problem and know that you still have value as a person. You CAN learn to look at the half full glass, just put your focus on the good and beautiful … and pull your mind away from the …not so much good .</p>
<p>And finally, I don’t think you are alone. There are others who also struggle every day. There is your dad who gives you support. There are others in the world who give you a chance. Just do not be so impatient and so hard on yourself. </p>
<p>“Be kinder than necessary to everyone, for everyone is fighting some unseen battle.”
That is a good motto for you to remember when dealing with your mom.</p>
<p>^ Or I’m just far more than what she bargained for. I don’t think it would have been a hassle for her to buy the Zantac if she thought I was worth fretting over. I mean, it takes two to tango except that I’m not always aware of what exactly I’m doing wrong until it’s too late and most of my issues can’t be solved overnight.</p>
<p>Maybe if I was more normal, less of a burden or whatever, she would not make an issue over these types of things. Or maybe I would’ve had a job to pay for it myself and this would be a non-issue.</p>
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<p>Yes, I will be kind to everyone. I will also have patience and take things steps at a time as most things cannot be solved right away.</p>
<p>OP,
I am sorry you are having a tough time. I have a D with some of your problems, and I know it is a daily struggle. But also be aware that you are not the only one with problems - your parents sound as if they are using you as a pawn in their power struggle. Is it posssible to get counselling through the school to help with the issues with your parents ? I think it is natural to have anxiety when you’re “not always aware of what exactly I’m doing wrong until it’s too late.” It sounds like your Mom has you tied up in knots trying to please her. Getting medical care & medication should not be so complicated. And taking Nexium or OCD meds is nothing to be ashamed of.</p>
<p>I’m really sorry she makes you feel like you’re a burden - or not normal enough. </p>
<p>Getting a driver’s license and a job seem like really important steps towards more independence.</p>
<p>I am sure that you are the greatest joy in your parents’ lives, whether they are good at letting you know it or not. Life is hard sometimes (especially in a recession), and the stress of day to day living sometimes causes people in families to forget to show appreciation for oneanother. You sound like a thoughtful and concerned person, and I am sure that your parents have more empathy for your situation than you could possibly know.</p>
<p>It is very rarely that parents do not love their children. However, it is not very uncommon that person does not love herself. It seems to be the case here. Got to learn to enjoy your life no matter what. Find inspiration, sort out to see what makes you happy. Everything else will follow. It is not in everyday details, it is in your overall outlook. Sorry for cliche.</p>
