I am a freshman and was randomly matched with this roommate in this dorm. He LOVES to party and is almost never in the room. he likes to come back at 4 in the morning every night heating up food and getting on his laptop till 5. I suggested to turn the brightness down, but still it is distracting and because of this i had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep all semester. I just said to myself to deal with it other people have habits. That’s when he started moving the furniture around so he can have privacy while he has sex. He then moves it back and fourth whenever he has sex. again i said ill deal with it. rewind back to my first night of college, he comes in at 3 A.M with this girl and they proceed to have sex while I am in the room. This is before the whole room is changed around by the way. This woke me up as well.
Now fast forward towards the end of the semester. His habits seem to get worse, always coming back drunk and throwing up, coming back to the room at 2 or 3 in the morning moving the furniture around while i am sleeping, which wakes me up. then he proceeds to have sex while i am in the room with girls. he seems to be using my things without asking (as some things are out of place). I let him burrow something of mine he ended up lending it to his friend without a care in the world and now it's lost. I reminded him about it countless times, but he never got it back. what got me real mad is during finals week. I had to be up by 8:00 A.M. to take a final. I thought to myself who parties on finals week, you have to be an idiot, he should be in the room studying. sure enough he was out partying. During that one night where i had to be up, he came in the room started moving the furniture to his private setup, it was about 2:30 A.M and he woke me up. I got up and turned the light on and asked why are you moving this? he said he needs it like this and told me to go back to sleep "I'm sorry for waking you up". I was so mad i couldn't go back to sleep and kind of afraid to in fear of missing my final. luckily i did OK during that final.
I wouldn't be mad about any of this if it weren't for one thing. It is every single night he is doing either one or multiple of these things that kind of annoy me. if it was just on occasion then i would brush it off. I have no idea if i should get another roommate or i am just sounding to needy and need to deal with it. I cannot deal with sleep problems again next semester i actually have early morning classes. which we both didn't have last semester, we had afternoon and evening classes instead. Let me know what you guys think i should do, because i am stuck
Since this seems like a nightly occurrence, it probably would be for the best for you to switch roommates, but make sure it’s with someone you actually know instead of another rando. It sounds like you two have totally different schedules, and it’s bad for both of you.
I’m just wondering: how often do you actually address these issues with your roommate? It sounds like you’re passively trying to deal with it, which means you’ve never explicitly told him that he is being inconsiderate, so maybe he doesn’t know it’s a major issue for you. If you like your roommate besides those issues, then grow some balls and have a serious (but peaceful) conversation about how his schedule negatively impacts you, and hopefully he would make changes. Tell him you would move out if he doesn’t make those changes. If you don’t care about him, then feel free to just leave.
I actually asked him to chill out with the girl and moving furniture, he said "Ok" but still doesn't listen to me and proceeds to do it anyway. Then during the day he says it's the only place where i need to have sex at or something dumb like that. That's why i am thinking i may need to just leave.
Have you spoken to the RA? Is there any written roommate agreement in place? There may be some protocols you need to follow before the school will agree to move you.
Try to first reach a consensus on what’s acceptable in the room.
If you don’t think you can stick it out for one more semester, you can meet up with your RA and voice your concerns. You will most likely be able to switch out but not to a dorm of your choice. Also keep in mind the possibility of landing another terrible roommate.
Move Now. This roommate has shown he has no regard for how he is bothering you, and he will not make any permanent changes to be more considerate to you.
If you don’t feel safe moving, ask your RA to be present when you are moving. Once the reassignment is approved by your school’s res life departent, there’s not much he can do, fit or no, especially because you’ll be moving.
Just realize it may not be as simple as saying “I want to move” and magically you are moved. Please set up a meeting with your RA to learn what needs to happen to make your situation tolerable. If the RA is not helpful, contact Residence Life. If you have not filed any complaints until now, it may take some time to process your request.
Every college will have their own rules/process for moving due to “bad roommate” issues. You have to research what these rules are and follow the chain of command to make this happen.
Squeaky wheels do get noticed, so notify in writing the proper contact, keep records of your contacts, and followup if there is no response.
I’d call all of this bad behavior. I get the sense you really don’t want to confront him on much of this. If you can I would first discuss it with him. “I’ve got morning classes and I really want to do well and go to class rested. No over night guest during the week and quiet time after…you give the time”. If he ignores you or becomes confrontational then go to the RA and explain your situation. Find out what the schools policies and procedures are for changing a roommate. With luck he’ll have just thought you were cool with it all since you didn’t really raise any objections and will change his behavior. Maybe he’ll decide to move out:) Good luck.