<p>I’m a college student and I’ve decided to migrate to the parent forum for this one question, and hopefully learn from your experiences and tips.</p>
<p>I guess what I’m trying to say is that I find myself worrying all the time about family issues back home and school work and it seems that many see me sad most of the time. So should I try to change my mentality and start being optimistic of the future, despite that fact that many event are causing worries.</p>
<p>Thanks, parents.</p>
<p>psychologists differentiate between hope and optimism --because optimism without a dose of realism can lead to disaster. The best course, say the experts, is to be hopeful that with the right strategy you can actively make everything work out. But you are describing something else: anxiety. I am not a doctor but constant anxiety can be treated --sometimes it is biological. If it is, then therapy or medicine may be able to help. You should be very hopeful about the future you are working to make happen, but if you continue to worry, perhaps outside help is needed --even if the things you are worried about are completely valid and real.</p>
<p>My first thought was “don’t worry”… but I realize that’s not what you’re looking for. I positive state of mind is certainly more productive and appealing than the alternative. While it is not unusual for family members away from each other to be concerned about the other’s welfare. I think there becomes a point in aldulthood that the best thing a young person can do for themselves is to be a little selfish and take care of themselves. If you were to care for yourself you would be a better student gaining the results that you and the ones you love (that love you) want (HUMMMMMMM seems wordy…) Take care of yourself, your goals and ambitions and those who care for you will understand and wish the best for you. If you let the issues at home negatively influence your goals, ultimately it will negatively after the home situation as well by adding to it. GL and all the best.</p>
<p>There is a psychologist at University of Pennsylvania who does research on the psychology of optimism. I am reading his book ‘Learned optimism’. His name is Martin Seligman. I would recommend reading this book.</p>
<p>Unlimitedx,</p>
<p>This time of term is often stressful due to the last round of exams/projects/papers and the push to complete the courses all of which can lead to fatigue and anxiety. When this is added to stress/worry related to issues at home, the result can be more than you feel able to manage alone. </p>
<p>You say that your friends see you as “sad” much of the time. It might be wise to contact the student health services at your college and talk with one of their counselors about your feelings. What you’re describing could be transient or could be mild depression. </p>
<p>You would seek medical attention if you had strep throat; please take equally good care of your emotional health. </p>
<p>I guarantee you won’t be the the only person to go to student health with these concerns. Let us know how you’re doing, ok?</p>
<p>And since I’m a firm believer in hugs, this comes with a hug, too.</p>
<p>Hugs as well as agreeing with MMom. OOOOO!
While I worry about my son, there is very little I can do about his life at college other than to send him supportive notes, calls, mail, etc. The same is true for whatever your home situation is. But your job is to take care of YOU and strive to your longterm goals, presumably graduation in a field you love. Do not be disuaded; while you don’t have to paste a fake smile on, you CAN impact your attitude towards what you are doing and a postive attitude will take you farther than you can imagine! By telling yourself that you can do well (plus doing all the work) imagine the thrill your family will have reflecting in your glory - they need good news, especially if things aren’t going well. And if you just can’t force yourself to be more positive, DO try the college counseling center - they are there for a reason, you are NOT alone. But do take some kind of action rather than spiraling downwards. Just by posting here, you have taken a postive step- and we do care. Remember, you did well just to get accepted at your college and you are a source of pride to your family by being there. Give optimism a shot and you may find that it helps your outlook; get out and enjoy Spring - a good dose of daffodils helps immensely!</p>
<p>I don’t think it is a question of optimism. I have never been much on positive thinking because I try to use logic instead. However, I remember something from when I was in college. I was talking to a dental student in the library at 4 in the morning and she mentioned that she was worried about her friend because the friend was starting to think about how hard they were working. She said that as soon as you start thinking about it, you probably aren’t going to make it.</p>
<p>As another example, Dashiell Hammett wrote the following in the “Blue Dahlia”: “Don’t get complicated, Eddie. When a guy gets complicated, he gets unhappy. When he gets unhappy, his luck runs out.” </p>
<p>I don’t think a person should try to be optimistic when their brain tells them it is a lie. It is just important to do what has to be done. Or as the British would say, “Right”.</p>
<p>Unlimitedx,</p>
<p>How about a status report? Please check in and let us know how you’re feeling as you start the week. I hope you were able to sleep in and get rested up this weekend. Fatigue wears you down in numerous ways…</p>
<p>Sending another ‘mom hug’ your way…</p>
<p>M.Mom</p>
<p>Thanks for the wonderful hugs and encouraging comments!</p>
<p>Unfortunately for several weeks I have not been able to sleep. It takes me 1-3 hours to fall asleep from the time I lay on my bed every day, yet I know I need the sleep. It’s taking a toll on me in terms of my spirit and ethusiasm that I once had.</p>
<p>Unlimitedx,
I tried to PM you but your box is full…</p>
<p>It’s time to be objective…step back and realize that the things you’ve tried aren’t working as well as you’d hoped they would to stabilize your mood right now. Yep, I’m a mom but I’m also a pharmacist and many moons ago (B.C…as in “before children”) I was a clinician in a mental health facility so I have a little background with mental health issues soooo, I’d like to get on my soapbox and share some thoughts with you.</p>
<p>Make sure you’ve done the basics, like keeping caffeine to a minimum in the evenings…avoiding strenuous exercise late in the day…try a warm shower before bedtime…etc.</p>
<p>Try to get some physical exercise each day…eat regularly…all those “mom” type things you’ve heard before…the basic take-good-care-of-yourself things…</p>
<p>You may have done all these things already. If so, that’s good…if not, maybe you’ll see something noted above that you can give a try.</p>
<p>PLEASE give serious thought to contacting the student health center and talking with a staff member/counselor there. They may be able to suggest relaxation techniques (don’t laugh…relaxation techniques helped me with my migraine headaches!) &/or they may be able to talk through some of your issues with you. </p>
<p>As I mentioned in an earlier post, I GUARANTEE you won’t be the only person to go to Student Health with sleep issues/fatigue/and feeling “sad.” Student Health will most likely be prepared to assist you in a variety of ways even including prescribing medications if that turns out to be appropriate…</p>
<p>Often, taking action (like contacting Student Health) can offer some degree of immediate relief just from knowing that the “load” is now shared.</p>
<p>As others have mentioned, taking good care of yourself will help you do your best work which is your ultimate goal in college…</p>
<p>And let us hear from you, ok?</p>
<p>Catch the hug that’s coming with this note…</p>
<p>M.Mom</p>
<p>I just emptied a portion of my inbox… it’s getting more difficult b/c there are so many I want to save.</p>
<p>Hi unlimitedx: I’m another mom here. It’s GREAT that you are trying to be more optimistic. That’s a wonderful mindset to have. I wasn’t that optimistic and positive when I was younger, but I have gradually over the years been able to cultivate that and it has made a huge difference in my life. You do have a lot of choice in your thoughts which lead to your emotional health. </p>
<p>Being stressed out in college and not able to sleep is enough to go to the counseling center. I think a few sessions would help you. I went for counseling in college (when my mom cut off contact with me) and it helped me. My D has also benefited from it.</p>
<p>As I constantly tell my husband, “Keep on the sunny side…”</p>
<p>Unlimitedx,</p>
<p>How about an update on your week to let us know how you’re doing…</p>
<p>M.Mom</p>