<p>I went to prom even though I could have lived happily without it. I’m glad I did just because it did provide so many memories (some good, some bad, some great movie scenarios) I didn’t have a huge amount of friends at the time but it sort of follows the “if you aren’t there, you’ll miss it” philosophy. You’ve already missed it so mom needs to chill. You shouldn’t angst over it at all. the pix are great later on though.</p>
<p>I went to prom each year of high school. At our school, 100 years ago, the juniors raised the money, picked the theme, planned the prom, and put it all together for the seniors. Sixteen sophomores were selected to serve the meal that the cafeteria ladies prepared. It was a community effort. I was even the speaker at prom my senior year. Though it was sometimes difficult to have the experience live upto the expectations, it was fun. And the students had so much more time and energy invested compared to the way it is done around here today.</p>
<p>My daughter did not attend prom, ever. My son went to his last month. Both of them are happy about their decisions. I did not try to convince my daughter to go, nor did I criticize her decision.</p>
<p>Neither of us (parents) went to the prom. Lots of other people in our high schools went, but we certainly don’t feel as if we missed out on anything important. We have not encouraged our own children to go, although we’d let them if they wanted to.</p>
<p>It’s a cultural norm for most people to go to the prom. It’s also just as culturally acceptable for some people not to want to go. It certainly doesn’t make you weird. :)</p>
<p>this has been on other threads–my D went to her prom with her friends, nobody had dates and it was a really great time. Played dress-up, had the pix, flowers, dancing and no angst at all. Just a good time.</p>
<p>H and I both attended our proms as did D. Don’t know if S will, but I doubt it. It was a lot of fun, but I don’t think it really matters one way or another later on.</p>
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<p>I really think this is highly variable by region.</p>
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<p>On behalf of mothers who couldn’t care less about proms, I should like to register a protest. Even among those who care, I’m not sure they are the ones escalating the prices.</p>
<p>According to Glee, prom is the most important event in high school, and being elected prom queen is the most important achievement possible in a young woman’s life. Your experience may vary. If you missed it already it’s over. No point in dwelling on it, by your mother or you.</p>
<p>I attended a hippie HS in Mill Valley, CA that voted not to have a prom . This was in 1971 . At the time I was really devastated . Later in life I got to attend a bunch of Black Tie events ,which is like Prom for grown-ups ,so I got over it .</p>
<p>I didn’t go to my own prom and my son made the same choice. It didn’t appeal to him. He made up for it in college! He managed to find a girlfriend in college too.</p>
<p>As a mom, I’m sure she wished that you had attended, thinking that it was a milestone to add to your scrapbook, along with your first step, braces, etc. But I am disappointed in her for sharing her friends’ comments, knowing that they were hurtful. If she knew what actually goes on behind the scenes, she might be happy that you decided not to go. For example, in our town, parents rent limos so that they don’t have to worry about kids drinking and driving. Other parents host co-ed sleepovers, where there is alcohol and yes, sex. And don’t forget the drugs. So if she knew all of the facts, maybe she wouldn’t be so critical of your decision. Maybe you should tell her ;)</p>
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My statement doesn’t apply to all mothers, of course, and my statement doesn’t apply to you but it definitely applies to some of the mothers. You likely even know some like this. As far as the escalating prices - this has definitely happened around here as the moms involved in the prom planning seem to push for it to be at a fancy downtown hotel, no longer the school gym, are quite happy for their kids to go in a limo (which is often better than the kids driving themselves but still has a cost - more than the mom’s minivan), go with their D to buy the prom dress, often expensive ones, fully support heading to a restaurant, some fancy, as part of the thing. Prom ticket prices reflect the location and the overall costs reflect the ancillary activities.</p>
<p>There are variations on the above but I do think the whole prom thing has ratcheted up over the years in many places, has gotten much more expensive which has shut out some lower income people even if they can manage a free ticket, which they may not be thrilled about having to get, and the mothers are generally the ones pushing it - expensive the more well-to-do mothers.</p>
<p>OP - notice that in most of these responses it’s about their daughters going to the prom but not so much about the sons going and when they do it’s not a huge deal to them - there’s a difference generally speaking.</p>
<p>Fortunately, for both my daughter and me, I figured out when she was about 10(slow learner) that she was nothing like me. So the whole thing of wanting what I had for DD flew out the window. She marched to her own drummer and I proudly watched.</p>
<p>The only significance of prom is that those who went get the opportunity, many years later, to share their memories of what a miserable experience it was.</p>
<p>I went once my freshman year when I was asked by a junior. It was kind of a big deal but very anticlimactic when I was there. There were 4 freshmen girls in my hs who went that year, and I was the only one who didn’t end up pregnant and married by the end of sophomore year. Neither S cared at all or went. Didn’t have proms where H went to hs.</p>
<p>My D went to her JR & SR prom. She had a good time because she went with most of her best GFs and dates, all of whom got along so there were no awkward times amongst them. They shared two large limos for the many couples and had a sleepover for the girls after the events. </p>
<p>S did NOT go to his proms. He was slightly sad that he missed his SR prom, but since he was ill the week prior, the night of & the week following the prom, he probably saved himself and any date a lot of heartache. He did have the opportunity to go to an engineering ball in college all 4 years but don’t think he did. He doesn’t seem to have any regrets. </p>
<p>FWIW, H didn’t attend any proms either & doesn’t seem any the worse for it. I did attend quite a few proms but think they are greatly over-rated and over-priced. Am glad at how D was able to do it as a fun, bonding experience with mutual friends rather than a hugely romantic event (since none had serious sweethearts).</p>
<p>I wouldn’t worry and let your mom make you feel bad that you declined to attend something you weren’t interested in–it’s her issue to figure out how this works out and resolve whatever makes her keep harping on this. It has nothing to do with you.</p>
<p>My prom, in the mid-70’s, was called a senior dance. I went with 2 girlfriends, ditched the corsage my mom bought me in the trees outside the hall and retrieved before heading home and had a blast. The first song they played was Eric Clapton “Riding that Train, High on Cocaine!” and the second was “Kodachrome.” Those are the only things I remember from prom. Hubby went with a female friend after being dumped by his gf the morning of. We are still friends with his prom date.</p>
<p>My oldest son did not go to junior or senior prom. My D went to junior prom with her then bf and then went with him to the senior prom, even though they’d broken up by then. I did go and buy her a not as nice dress after they broke up. In senior year, she wore the first dress, the gorgeous one, and went with 2 of her best friends. A picture of the 3 girls adorns her dorm room wall. Next son did not go to junior prom. Tickets are on sale for the senior prom. I offered him a check but he’s not sure he wants to go. Sad thing is, he’d look really handsome in hubby’s tux. It will depend on his guy friends. None of them have gfs yet (thankfully).</p>
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Our family does not have a D. The “mom” in this family regretted she does not have a D so she does not have an opportunity to dress her up. DS could care less about how he dresses. Whatever clothe we buy for him, he will put it on.</p>
<p>For the prom, the only joy she had was to find and buy the corsage for DS as it is customary for a man to buy a corsage for his prom date. This was not as fun as finding the dress for D. (Sadly, his prom date quickly dated someone else after they had gone to college. So it is hard to tell whether his prom is a sweet memory or a bittersweet memory.)</p>
<p>Lol mcat2!</p>
<p>I forgot to add this part… the drama before the prom… beginning in January when the girls (and guys) are deciding who should be in their prom “group” and it gets ugly… X is devastated because she has a date that Y doesn’t like and the picture party is at Y’s house and they have to cap the number at 16 because the limo doesn’t carry more and the other PARENTS refuse to pay more $$ to let 2 or 4 more join the group so that they aren’t left out. It doesn’t stop there… I even heard about the girl who was snubbed from the group because she didn’t go to the same church and they were calling it a “church prom group”!?! Imagine the pain for some of these kids after prom when they were bombarded with prom pics on FB!</p>
<p>Thank goodness (and I was very sad at the time) that D’s advisor scheduled an out of town competition for the same weekend so that D could not attend. Yes, she had to choose and I think that she made the right choice! Blessing in disguise!</p>
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<p>Thankfully, no. I live in a small college town.</p>
<p>Our son went to multiple proms his junior and senior years, through friends of friend of friends. He had “dates” but there seemed to be no relationship before or after “the event.”</p>
<p>Our younger one really liked her first BF and went with him to prom sophomore year. They double dated and had a truly wonderful time. Then we moved. The high school she landed at makes a big deal out of prom in terms of parents spending a LOT of money on it but the actual tenderness of the moment seems really lost in this environment. The girls over dress, over do the whole thing – the boys seem lost in the headlights, the parents need to give them space. JMO.</p>