<p>Agree, Choatiemom. At my son’s boarding school wealth was only an issue for the Development staff! :). </p>
<p>Obviously we cross posted, but there are many more prep day schools than boarding schools and while the prep schools do offer very good aid for particular students, students in day schools do all the things kids in public schools do. Stay overnight at each other’s houses, have each other over for dinner etc.</p>
<p>A very economically disadvantaged, minority student at my son’s former Dallas boys’ prep school was best friends with one of the Perots. The disconnect between his two worlds was just too much for him and he shot and killed himself in the school parking lot. So- there is that.</p>
<p>That’s very sad.
My experience is just that my daughter who attended private schools for 18 years( including college & grad school) is estranged from uswhile my daughter who attended public is one of my best friends.</p>
<p>^Interesting. I’m finding that boarding school has improved my relationship with my daughter. I don’t have to do most of the nasty stuff-nagging her to clean up her room, get off facebook or get her homework done, but I get to be her biggest supporter, her rock. I see her at many of her sports contests and some campus events. When we take her out for dinner or she comes home for the weekend she sees it as a treat. We communicate at least as much as we did when she was home but it’s by IM or phone.</p>
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<p>One issue many low-income kids encounter when they attend private HS/elite colleges with a critical dominant mass of higher SES kids is learning to navigate and deal with the socio-economic gaps which result as a result of coming from that world. Something an increasing number of elite colleges & boarding school teachers, admins, and to some extent, students are aware of. </p>
<p>Another is the feeling of isolation from not having as many or from one’s perception…anyone from a similar SES situation in a college seemingly filled with students from higher-SES backgrounds. </p>
<p>However, this varies by school. Some colleges like Harvard seemed to have been quite effective at ameliorating this issue from what I’ve observed on campus and from HS classmates who felt welcomed and fit right in despite coming from the lowest SES stratum. </p>
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<p>Right, but for the third time, ;), I am speaking of day schools, like where Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos & Adam Arkin sent their kids, not boarding schools.
So my D had friends who lived in 8000sqft-5 bed/8 bathrooms & they came over to study on the kitchen table at our 950sqft -2 bed/1 bathroom cottage. Most were polite in my hearing, not all. </p>
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<p>No, I got that you were speaking about day schools. I was just adding to the conversation. ;)</p>
<p>One of the schools my D turned down to attend her BS was an even higher ranked day school where there were a lot of kids from families with serious money. We didn’t like some of the things we were hearing about big parties and conspicuous displays of wealth. The irony is that there’s just as much money at her boarding school but even though, realistically, the kids are aware of who the heavy hitters are it doesn’t impact them much. They don’t tend to see each other’s homes, they don’t have cars, and their living conditions on campus are the same regardless of their family finances. There are certain expensive clothing lines that are wildly popular on campus but the girls at least share clothing with their roommates so no one knows who owns what. Plus one set of Jack Rogers goes a long way. :)</p>
<p>The Facebook issue is still there, that is kids posting things like “Chiilin’ in St. Bart’s with my bestie!” over vacation, but most kids are careful not to be too obnoxious about it and I’ve never heard of anyone being shunned because they can’t keep up with the Joneses. On the other hand the kids did give the girl who showed up in a chauffeur driven Maybach one year a hard time. </p>
<p>I agree to the fact that a kid from a minority or a poor economic background might have issues getting along in any of the elite colleges/high schools. Not of all them have issues but there are a few kids who get affected. I know of one girl from a very bad socio-economic background who hung herself in the dorm room. Very sad. I know of one such girl now and have already told her parents to keep an eye on her as I got to know that she is having issues on the social front. </p>
<p>“One issue many low-income kids encounter when they attend private HS/elite colleges with a critical dominant mass of higher SES kids is learning to navigate and deal with the socio-economic gaps which result as a result of coming from that world.”</p>
<p>Of course, learning to be among higher SES folks and not be intimidated, or automatically stereotype them all as snotty and entitled, would also be a major benefit of a private HS/elite college. You can tell when someone is clearly uncomfortable with people who are affluent, and it doesn’t get them anywhere in life. </p>
<p>In my opinion, it depends on the personality of a kid. Some kids just ignore the other high SES kids while others get affected a lot due to their personality. The girls that I am referring to belong to the second category. The girl who hung herself up was given a lot of counseling as everyone at her college figured out that something was wrong. I heard that the Dean’s office extended a lot of help in many forms. But she still got intimidated looking at others. Very sad. </p>
<p>Thanks everyone for posting your views !! Appreciate it.</p>
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<p>Of course, there’s a difference between folks who are intimidated or have resentments against all higher SES folks and situations like Sue22’s example here:</p>
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<p>or moreso, the thread about why some students opted against attending some private colleges due to the same issues as Sue22 brought up. </p>
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<p>Fer cryin out loud. We’re being told that in the interest of social justice “first generation” kids should be given the opportunity to attend elite schools. Now you’re saying these kids can’t cope w being around affluent kids in the schools. Do u want them in the elite schools or not?</p>
<p>@GMTplus7 -Ofcourse, I want such kids in the elite schools provided they can get through the system. Why wouldn’t I ? It will be fantastic to see such kids doing really well and help themselves. It is not about me or you wanting them. It is about them and their performance.</p>
<p>I said that a few kids “MIGHT” and not that they “WOULD”. There is a difference between the situations. I just said that some kids would get along and some wouldn’t as it depends on their personality. </p>
<p>Do you think I liked the fact that the girl I referred to, went in to a suicide ? Ofcourse, not. What would have helped her though ? A change of school that is more in line with her needs but still got her a good education.</p>
<p>Do all the low SES kids commit such a thing ? No way. But can someone guarantee that none of those kids would do such a thing ? No. Refer to the case that @MomofWildChild posted. </p>
<p>We are just discussing our view points and not concluding anything. Anyways, this discussion should be a different thread in itself.</p>
<p>Thanks to all of you who have taken time and put efforts to answer my query. Much, much appreciated. !!!</p>
<p>With any sort of integration prompted by incentives, there need to be supports </p>
<p>@emeraldkity4 - absolutely.</p>
<p>At one point, though, everyone’s got to come to grips with the fact there will always be people with more money. </p>
<p>All of the discussion are very informative. Thank you all.
Can I ask the same question from a different angle? Have any of you sent your top-performing kids (middle school) from a high-ranking public school to a top 5 super-competitive prep school high school? How did your kids like it? I’m in this situation: my DD is in 7th grade, she’s getting A+s easily in her math honor classes, but the math teacher thought she’s in the right placement. She’s clearly under-challenged in most of her classes. She’s reading ahead on several subjects herself. Our school district is ranked top in the state (one of the big east coast states) besides the magnet schools. After I took her to do a campus tour of a top prep-school (top 5 ranking in day school, 30 minutes drive) , she really wants to go, even after I gave her all the the down side of going: 1) taking the bus,have to get up earlier in the morning; 2) more homework, less sleep time/free time 3) more competition to get in the varsity team she’s good at , since that school’s only competitive team happens to be the sport she plays;4) not going to be so easy to get an A and not going to be easy to be top 10%; 5) might even has less a chance to get in HPYMS than her current public high school because of legacy/URM and more competitive students. After hearing all of these, she still wants to go. She thinks she could manage her time better so she does not get into late bedtime and if she study hard, she could always get an A-- talking about youthful confidence! Have any one here had similar experience? Would the kid feel bad if she did not get into the top schools at the end but her middle school classmates who stayed in public school did? I guess that’s my fear… I know in the prep school she will get a better education, but I also want to protect her from potential heartache…</p>
<p>@KatherinS, </p>
<p>Take a look in the Prep School forum. There are many threads there that address the issues you raise.
<a href=“Prep School Admissions - College Confidential Forums”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/</a></p>