Is sending a child to a Prep school required ?

Parents Forum
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<p>" not going to be so easy to get an A and not going to be easy to be top 10%; 5) might even has less a chance to get in HPYMS than her current public high school because of legacy/URM and more competitive students. After hearing all of these, she still wants to go."</p>

<p>Who is putting in the head of a 7th grader that the goal is HYPSM?
Guess what - with admission rates as low as they are, maybe no one from either the public high school OR the fancy prep school will get into HYPSM. That’s the way the cookie crumbles.</p>

<p>The idea of making a decision based on “competing for HYPSM and comparing one’s performance to past middle school classmates” isn’t a good one. Make the decision on what is best for HER and HER education and HER family’s needs, not because you’re trying to game getting into HYPSM. </p>

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<p>We are not talking about putting the goal of education as going into a specific college. The goal is to have the best total experience, which includes the college bit. After all college, as well as high school is only a part of your life. But we are trying to be prepared…</p>

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<p>From my observations kids from top prep schools get into the same colleges with slightly lower GPAs than their public school counterparts so it all evens out in the end. If you can afford it and she’s eager for the challenge it sounds like she should go. I loved my prep school and got a great education there. It was the right amount of challenge for me. I think I got the exact same grades there I’d gotten in public school - great when I was interested in the subject, very good put not necessarily perfect when I wasn’t. My kids both were adament that they wanted to stay with their public school. Some of the teachers were better than the ones I’d had in my private school, a handful weren’t. But I’d had one or two real doozies in prep school two. The biggest difference was the class size in the early years and the popular classes and the fact that this meant not quite as many papers were assigned and it took longer to get them back. </p>

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<p>Given that one can get to a good university from a good public school and from a good prep school, the decision really needs to be about what’s best for her overall life and your family’s lifestyle and finances. </p>

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<p>@Pizzagirl‌ Yes, I know. She was such an easy kids growing up, I never had to worry about her. She’s always the favorite student in her class and she never asked for anything material like other kids (no iphones, no brand name cloth etc.) She’s pretty comfortable in her skin being the nerdy one in her school. She has friends in her current schools, mostly brainy kids and kids who play music. I heard that in the prep she likes, there will be many more kids like her… The parents who had graduating kids in our public school system I talked to all said they also had a good experience with the public school though. I guess it would be a choice of good and better …Yes, we need to pray for it and make a family decision. </p>

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<p>This ground is covered on the private school forum but I’ll add it to this thread. I’m sure other parents will add to this list.</p>

<p>Some of the ancillary plusses and minuses to private schools:</p>

<p>Private
Because most prep school have an after school sports program, if your child plays a sport he or she is virtually guaranteed a spot on a team. It may be the thirds team, but it won’t require that your child already play at a high level, as is the case with most public HS’s. My daughter started a new sport 3 years ago as a freshman and she’s now being recruited by colleges.</p>

<p>Your child will be busy. There’s no getting home at 3 then trying to stay out of trouble (even if it’s just wasting time on Hulu) until Mom or Dad gets home from work. </p>

<p>High expectations. His or her peer group will pretty much all be high achieving kids who think it’s cool to be smart. They’ll expect to attend strong colleges. It’s just the norm. The same can be found in the honors/AP sections of most public HS’s, but in my experience the very smart but not as socially savvy kids in public HS’s sometimes feel a little left out of the social scene. It sounds like this last isn’t an issue for KatherinS’s D.</p>

<p>More opportunities to lead. Because there are fewer kids and less red tape it’s easier to become president of a club or start a new one.</p>

<p>Public
If your child has a special talent it may be easier to pursue from public school. Prep schools tend to have long days and some boarding schools have Saturday classes.</p>

<p>Friendships/connections to town. Private school kids, even those who live at home and attend a local day school, can become disconnected from their community. FB and other social media have made it easier than it used to be to stay in touch with local friends, but those friendships still suffer from the lack of daily contact.</p>

<p>Money. Private school is expensive. The money you’ll spend on 4 years of a good day school could pay for 2-3 years of college.</p>

<p>Public/Private
You’ll sometimes hear parents say that they don’t want to send their kids to private schools because they want them to learn to advocate for themselves in the real world. My experience is that this is actually one of the advantages of sending one’s kids to a private school. Kids in prep schools see a lot of their teachers-they coach their teams, lead their clubs, and act as their advisors, so they get to know them as people and often friends, not simply authority figures. They become very comfortable interacting with adults. Although some public school kids develop close relationships with teachers I think this is much rarer than in private schools.</p>

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<p>Pizzagirl, it isn’t that some people have more money, its that when your parents do not have an education background past high school, they also are unlikely to know the first thing about taking advantage of opportunities and mentors available and doing anything more than sending their kid off to school everyday.
I didn’t know anything about schools that might offer merit awards and thought our only choice was to pay EFC even when that meant refinancing our house to do so.
I underestimated the importance of many large & small details required to get through college as a result both kids took 5 years to do so,.</p>

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<p>I think Sue22’s perspectives are dead on. I attended a boarding high school in New England and loved it but neither of my children had any interest. Plus, the boarding school tuition/fees are now the same as the colleges. One of my kids switched from a good public high school to a private day school, feeling overwhelmed by large classes and the large school social life. And the private school offered an opportunity to make the varsity teams. The other child is graduating from a top public/large high school and has loved every minute of it. 13 AP classes, able to access a wide variety of public speaking clubs and competitions not available in a private day school. Both of my children are attending their first choice colleges–among the top 50 private national universities. Their friends who targeted HYPSM? Attending state universities.</p>

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<p>OP-
I think what you’re hearing in general is that there’s no inherent advantage to either private or public. So much depends on your family, your child’s strengths and weaknesses, and the schools in question.</p>

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<p>I agree Sue.
Oftentimes the kids that attended the prep day schools for middle school, really wanted a less cloistered environment for high school. Many then entered one of the local public schools, although a few then went to boarding schools.
Both Ds have friends that went on to Ivies, as we are in the northwest, the Ivies seem to heavily recruit from both of their high schools.
Both schools also had no-cut sports teams, and younger D ( who attended inner city public) was on a school team every season through graduation, although she participated in rec league teams as well.
YMMV</p>

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<p>This varies by personality of individual student and his/her developmental stage. </p>

<p>Some incoming 9th graders do fine regardless of closer private or public school environments, some find the public school environment to be too large/impersonal, others are independent enough to find the cloistered private school environment to be too confining, and still more others end up never outgrowing that need for close nurturing/handholding of either the school environments and/or parents and assume it will continue with often disappointing results. </p>

<p>Forcing a kid who is not ready for a large impersonal environment or conversely, who desires a less cloistered environment for HS tends to make for really miserable teens. </p>

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<p>Prep schools come in all shapes and sizes. Some have 100 kids, some have 1100. Some are academic pressure cookers. Some are super laid back. Some specialize in athletics. Some specialize in performing arts. Some are preppy. Some are grunge. Some are super supervised. Some are hands off. Some are urban. Some are rural. Some are compact. Some are expansive like college campuses. </p>

<p>We toured almost 10 prep schools w S2 last fall. They were as different from each other as colleges are different from each other. </p>

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<p>Katherine: If your high school is top-ranked in a NE state, it may well offer a much more challenging curriculum than middle school. Almost all GT kids in our district may be bored in 7th grade, but challenged in HS if they take the honors and AP offerings. There is a huge difference in level between honors and regular classes. The highly ranked local prep schools (as opposed to the more moderately ranked ones) do get a higher percentage of kids into elite colleges. No question about that, but not every kid that goes to one of those schools ends up at a better college than the top students from our public high school.</p>

<p>She could apply and then see what happens. She could talk to the coach and get his/her perspective on whether she would be a good candidate to participate on the varsity level. For our HS, it is very competitive to get on the teams as well. I would also check out the local HS offerings (the course of study is probably online). You will probably get to meet with the HS guidance counselor next year before you have to make a decision.</p>

<p>If money is no object and she is willing to work hard, it could be a great fit. Kids I know that went to these schools generally had an excellent experience. Some were able to keep close ties to their in-town friends, while others found it more challenging to do so. Some ended up a little more lonely in HS because it was challenging to get to see friends when they had to get on a bus or get mom/dad to drive them 45 minutes to a friend’s home to hang out. There are trade-offs in everything. But most seem happy with their choice (as do the public school kids). </p>

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<p>One thing I advise parents to do when evaluating private schools is to not simply look at the percent or number of kids accepted to Ivy+ schools, but to look at where average kids go. Would those be schools at which you could see your child? Often the kids entering high-powered prep schools have been at the top of their classes in their LPS but are just middle of the pack at the prep school.</p>

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<p>Katharine: I agree with mom2and. You should investigate your local high school. There is no blanket answer to the question. Many public high schools have a high-flying honors/AP track. Your best bet is to try to talk with the parents of some of the children on the honors/AP track. They can give you great insight into your local school’s culture. </p>

<p>There’s no harm in letting your child apply. In some ways, going through the application process can help, even if it doesn’t end in admission. A “dry run” for college apps can make some students realize for the first time that grades, ECs, etc. matter. </p>

<p>From your description, though, I do wonder if you and your daughter would be happy in a school filled with students from wealthy families. Culture can vary by school. </p>

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<p>@KatherinS, see if you can arrange for your daughter to visit the local public hs. Is there a family you know with a good honor student she could tag along with and see what the classes are really like? In our school district there is a large difference between the middle school classes, which are mostly a waste of time, even those labeled “honors”, and the high school. I wouldn’t say the honors classes in 9th and 10th grade are particularly hard, but they are significantly more serious than middle school and in 11th and 12th the better honor students are taking a schedule of mostly AP classes. Even better if she can arrange to sit in on some of the more “academic” EC’s–whatever is popular among the honor students in that school–activities like debate, robotics, quiz bowl, math club, science olympiad tend to attract serious students and she might get a better idea if she would find like-minded students there.</p>

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<p>Thank you all for the helpful insight. I think we are going to go ahead and go through the application process and see what DD think after the process. Our high school happens to be even smaller than the prep in thought (that’s why its actually easier for her to get in varsity in our public school for this specific sport she plays, the prep has a very competitive team for this sport) . A lot of the parents here say that our public school is kind of like a private school : not many students, kids know each other since kindergarten, etc… But it’s a public school which means the principle could not select the teacher he wants to keep, but FILO, that really irks me. because the new teacher they hired last could actually be the best in the department… </p>

<p>@mom2and : Thank you so much for the thoughtful comments. Yes I just talked to one of our public high school parent. She said the high school is quite different from the junior high. The teachers are more professional, teachers would give more attention to the students, and the students will get more competitive from 9th grade on… I hope by middle of 8th grade, DD could get a feel of the high school and help us to make the decision.</p>

<p>Financially, we could swing it, although just a few months ago, I would never thought I could be one of “those people” who would send their kids to a “fancy elite prep school”, and yet, here we are, thinking what is the best for DD…</p>

<p>Thank you all, you are all very helpful! I’m simply too afraid of making a bad decision for DD. She’s so sweet, just turned 13…</p>

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<p>Another thing you should consider is what she can do with all the time and money you would save by keeping her in the public school system. There may be opportunities for travel or summer programs for example.</p>

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<p>@katherins My D1 went from an excellent public MS to an elite prep. She was a top student in MS and got a bit of a shock when everyone in her class was as smart, hard-working and engaged as she was. Sort of the experience many kids get in college when they discover their entire freshman seminar graduated in the top 3 of their HS class. She also got a shock when she got her first grade less than an A in her entire life. That said, once she got past the bruised ego, she loved the academic challenge, and being part of an entire school that valued academic achievement. However, it totally depends on the kid. Definitely have her shadow for a day at both places (assuming she gets in to the prep), and then let her decide. For both of my DDs they knew where they best fit better than I could have predicted.</p>

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<p>I agree that the best case is to let the student decide, if either one would work.
My daughter who was attending a small alternative middle school, wanted to attend an inner city comprehensive high school.
I was hesitant, especially as her teachers were apprehensive. However after talking to her and other students a bit older, I opted to trust her instincts.</p>

<p>However, she was also invited to participate in a summer program that was run by Bill Gates alma mater, which was tuition free. If she had been a different kid I might have been able to talk her into it, but I wanted her to feel in charge of her choice.</p>