<p>I don’t think there’s anything nefarious about it most of the time. It’s just a way to let the other person know that you’d like to spend some time with the person but are not interested in a romantic relationship. It’s a way of saying, “I don’t consider this social outing a romantic date.” There’s nothing wrong with that.</p>
<p>Cobrat, your friends simply got the wrong impression when they asked those people out, but their impressions were quickly corrected in a manner that saved face for everyone. It’s better than having the woman turn to you in the middle of dinner to say, “I hope you don’t think this is a date.”</p>
<p>I think it’s rude to bring someone else along on a date, first, second or last, without asking first. I think it’s rude to bring friends along even if it’s two girlfriends meeting up for a movie without asking first. "Is it ok if I bring my friend, Ann, along? " is all it takes. Just showing up with people that the inviter was not expecting is very inconsiderate. </p>
<p>Exactly, how hard is it to say “Hey, my friend really likes that restaurant/wants to see that movie” etc.?</p>
<p>And when I was young and broke, I hope i would have had more class than to accept an invitation just because it was a nice place that I couldn’t afford, and then have my friend crash my date. In that case, is the guy who invited supposed to pay for the friend too? </p>
<p>And this applies whether it’s a date or anything else. If a female friend invited me to meet her for lunch, I wouldn’t bring someone else without telling her. Unless it was clearly a group setting from the get-go. Something like “Hey a bunch of us are going to see this movie…” implies that it’s a large group and if someone else tags along with me, I might not feel the need to specify that. But “Hey, do you want to have lunch at Cafe X on Saturday?” If I plan to bring someone else I’d say something like “I was planning to hang out with Jane that day–is it OK if we both join you?”</p>
I don’t see how anyone could disagree with this.</p>
<p>I agree it’s important that people communicate their intentions. And I understand that someone might accept an invitation without immediate realizing the implications. Or that someone might simply change his/her mind. Or that someone might want to feel safe.</p>
<p>But there are better and kinder ways to communicate the fact than simply showing up with unexpected guests.</p>
<p>I thought we were talking about a situation where the person was asked ahead of time if the extra person could come. As in: “would you like to go to dinner Saturday night?” “sounds great; mind if my boyfriend joins us?” In that instance, the assumption is that everyone is paying their own way. </p>
<p>I understand completely the intentions of anyone who would want a third party as a buffer ,when one really does not know the person who has asked you out. Though my D did have relatively steady relationships through undergrad and grad school, D never got to know these young men through awkward “first dates” or"dated" in any sort of classic way. She found the hook up culture creepy and (rightly or wrongly)she was always suspicious of the “date” requests and intentions of anyone that she did not know well. She already knew all of her boyfriends through mutual friends before she ever went out with them solo. Her fiance had to really court her (flowers, notes, et al) before she would even consent to go out with him.</p>
<p>Sometimes, a man doesn’t even have to extend an invitation for some women to do the above. Several years ago when I was hanging out with some colleagues after a long workday in a downtown Manhattan bar and grill, two women came up to an older colleague and had the chutzpah to ask him to pick up the tab* because they were interested in him. Thankfully, he had enough presence of mind to put a stop to it by saying “Heck no!” </p>
<p>Another colleague then remarked to me, “You’ve just seen two dinner whores in action tonight.” as the rest of our group including some female colleagues were laughing it up and high fiving the older colleague. </p>
<ul>
<li>As one would expect, the menu and drinks are a bit on the high side as most of their clientele work on Wall Street or other nearby high income upscale institutions.<br></li>
</ul>
<p>Actually I am thinking that if the guy is smart and is really interested in the girl, he should just go along with the bringing of the friend and then proceed to turn on the charm. If there is a natural attraction there then the presence of a third party should not make any difference. And you do want to impress her friends right? And who knows maybe you will even like her friend better than her! :"> </p>
<p>That was the term my colleague used in referring to them. His words, not mine. Was the very first time I heard it. No need to shoot the observer. </p>
<p>Actually, I think I may have worked with one.</p>
<p>A co-worker actually told me that when she would be taken out to dinner, she would purposely order an appetizer and a large meal so that she would have plenty of leftovers to take home for a later meal. I was shocked. </p>
I heard that, depending on her background, it is sometimes helpful to impress her friends (and sometimes, it is even more important to impress her immediate family members.) After all, she may have known her close friends longer than you. She definitely knows her family members much longer than you! She may value these people’s opinion of you.</p>
<p>I think this is one of those things that would probably be perfectly fine if we both knew about it, but I would find it strange and offputting if something that sounded like a “date” in the planning stages abruptly turned out to be a large group outing without much one-on-one conversation.</p>
<p>Then again, I would think it would be strange to change anything about a social event like that without giving the other people involved a heads-up. (For example, if I were invited to a wedding or a bachelor party I wouldn’t feel free to bring a date or some friends from work or my kids or the dog I am fostering without at least checking to make sure that something like that would be OK with the hosts.) Even without the context of a romantic date it just seems tone-deaf and awkward.</p>
<p>I have to admit, I would be amused if a date did try to order for two meals at once! </p>
<p>If I really liked a guy I would always order something light because my stomach would be all aflutter. I could never eat a big meal on the first few dates with someone I was interested in. I was also concerned with ordering something that was not too messy. I never really viewed the main purpose of a dinner date as the meal. To me it was a nice gesture that signaled the guy had genuine interest in me.</p>
<p>Prior military service is no guarantee a given college student/person will learn to live, work, and support others. </p>
<p>One hallmate of a friend at a Boston area college felt his prior enlisted service meant he “paid his dues” and used it as a license to try lording over his younger roommate/hallmates. This eventually resulted in a brawl which resulted in his suspension after the college admins found the prior military member was at fault for instigating the fight. </p>