I have been divorced for almost three years. Mail (important stuff) still comes to the house, which I now own, for my ex-husband, who has been living with his parents since before the divorce. I feel reluctant to not forward important mail but I also feel imposed on by the task. I think it’s important for the particular senders (government agencies, financial companies) to be able to contact my ex, even if he chooses to not open their mail. Doing a change-of-address online with the post office would require me to attest that I am my ex; obviously, I’m not. Government agencies’ forms require his signature.
Any suggestions? Thanks.
Edited to add: If I write “return to sender” on envelopes, will the senders remove this address from their databases? This is not my first choice of how to proceed because I don’t want to contribute to ex being unreachable.
Just write “no longer lives at this address” and put it back for the mailman to deal with. It’s not your problem.
Or…gather up a pile of the mail and go to the post office. Tell them this person no longer lives at this address. They should be able to tell you what to do.
After all this time, really…all that should be coming is junk mail anyway. Is he getting bills or important notices at your home after several years? Still…not your problem, return.
Thank you. Is there any chance that this would cause his assets to revert to the financial companies because of their inability to locate him? I don’t want our children to lose their inheritances because their dad couldn’t be bothered to file a form with the post office.
@thumper1, he’s receiving first-class mail from our state tax authority. Awkward.
The only reason my ex filled out the necessary form to divide some of our assets was that our investment adviser offered to stop at ex’s home, in a city 150 miles from here, while on a vacation trip and get the signature in person.
P.S. It’s hugely humiliating to admit that I was married to this person and that I wasn’t “smart” enough to help him or persuade him to become more responsible. Please be kind to me.
Any chance you could contact his parents and tell them about the problem? They might nag him into it. Or alternatively, they might be willing to do the illegal address change themselves. Chances are that by their age, at least one of them has settled the affairs of a person who has died, and this often involves illegally changing the deceased person’s address so that their mail gets forwarded to the person who’s handling things. So the process might be familiar.
Unfortunately, even if his parents were of sound mind (his mom has Alzheimer’s, his dad is developing cognitive problems), turning to them would not be appropriate. Not the least of the issues is that the desire to avoid certain obligations appears to run in the family (his family).
Thank you again for the help here. I very much appreciate folks at CC.
A new song title is going through my head right now: “Mamas (and Papas), Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be People who Don’t Change Their Addresses.” Please feel free to use this thread as an example for your children; there may as well be some benefit from my screw-ups in marriage.
Absolutely not. “You get my stuff if I move” is not a rule that works for anyone.
Worst case scenario, they’d eventually escheat it to the state. He can either fill out the paperwork to claim it from the state, or the eventual executor of his estate can.
The PO has a form where you list the people who ARE to receive mail at the address. I’ve used it twice in the last year; once at a rental in town and once with rural delivery. Didn’t work too well at either address, unfortunately. Marking it “return to sender” also wasn’t very fruitful in getting them to update their databases.
The IRS and state taxing authorities update mailing addresses when a new address is filed on the next return if a person didn’t file a specific change of address form. As a CPA, I’d guess either he hasn’t filed or he is still using your address.
So instead of “return to sender” you could send it back with a note about the new address. Surly a pain in the rear and cost you a stamp, but if you’re worried about your kids it might be worth it for the important stuff.
There’s an idea. You could put the mail in an envelope with a note saying…Mr. so and so now resides at this address…and put the new address. Mail back to sender.
There is nothing I can see that is illegal about doing this!
However, I will say…this does nothing to protect the potential assets for your kids.
Sorry that you are dealing with this. What a pain.
I would just let ex know one more time that you aren’t going to hold his mail. It doesn’t have to adversarial - “hey, I am still getting your mail. I am going to start sending it back”
You can mark it "no longer at this address and it eventually slows down.
If you see your mailman, let him know. I did that and he stopped the mail before it was even delivered.
Good luck!
Funny, about mail slowing down when ‘no longer at this address’. My sister has been in her house since 2004. They bought it from a widow - husband died in 2000.
Today! she received something from Social Security addressed to the husband.