I was recently accepted to Bucknell regular decision with some pretty good financial aid and a music scholarship. While I am not certain that I would choose Bucknell over the other schools I’ve been accepted to, I’ve given it a lot of consideration because it seems to have a really strong biology program and that’s what I want to major in. My dad, however, for some really stupid reasons does not like Bucknell and wouldn’t even let me CONSIDER it. He had even told me not to apply there (I did anyway, because it’s my life and he shouldn’t control my future). He thinks it’s too isolated (which is sort of true, but I wouldn’t mind and I’m the one who’s going to college). He also says that Bucknell’s not a good school and that it’s only good program is engineering, which is BLATANTLY FALSE. He wouldn’t even let me go to their admitted students open house! Although I already have another open house scheduled at the same time at UR, I could go to one of UR’s alternative dates, while Bucknell only has one date. He keeps trying to nag me to visit William & Mary (just because he says it’s ranked higher than the other schools I got into), when I was waitlisted there and not even accepted, and I’m not even that interested! I only applied there because he made me! And he thinks that someone who is waitlisted is basically accepted, which is obviously not true. To sum this all up, he wants to make me visit a school that I was waitlisted to and not interested in and he wouldn’t even let me visit a school that I was accepted to and would like to consider. And no, finance is not a problem here because Bucknell gave me a pretty good amount of money so that he can afford it. If his argument was that Bucknell is too expensive, then that would be understandable but he doesn’t like it for those two bullcrap reasons that he gave me. And even though he doesn’t like it, it’s my life, not his, so why should he care what school I go to as long as I’m happy?
Is there anything I can do to convince my dad that Bucknell is a good school and that it’s worth considering? I’ve tried negotiating with him and it doesn’t work. I already told him that I scheduled a visit to W&M just so he could stop crybabying but he still wouldn’t let me go to Bucknell’s open house. I guess it’s too late to reschedule my other school’s open house and go to Bucknell’s anyway, but I would at least like to go to a different visiting session for Bucknell so that I could compare it with my other schools. My dad wouldn’t let me do that either. I’m afraid that Bucknell isn’t even an option anymore just because my dad doesn’t like it for some really dumb reasons which is a bummer because I worked my butt off to get in there and its science programs are really good…
Sorry this sounds kind of like a rant; I’m just really frustrated. Any suggestions would help. Thanks!
This does sound like a rant. If you’re not certain you would choose Bucknell, then why are you digging your heels in so much? In one sentence you go against his wishes and apply because it’s your life and he shouldn’t control your future. You also say it’s your life so why should he care. But you then go on to say HE can afford to pay for Bucknell. If your Dad is paying, that’s HIS money. It’s difficult to say it’s your decision alone when you are not the one paying the bills.
It’s true that being wait listed is a far cry from being accepted. So maybe you’ll luck out and not get taken off the wait list. Regardless, you should take some time and reflect on the best way to approach this issue. Make a list of pros and cons. If he thinks Bucknell is a lousy school, get some respected rankings that show otherwise. Use facts and reason to discuss with him - calling him a crybaby is counter productive. Give him solid reasons- not emotional reactions. And realize you’re not restricted to visiting Bucknell only during open houses - you can always go on a tour at any time.
@InigoMontoya I like your second paragraph. I did not call him a crybaby directly, just on this post. Not letting me go to the school is one thing, not letting me at least take a look at it is another. And his reasons are absolutely absurd, that’s the thing. I have tried to reason with him, but when I tell him about Bucknell’s rankings, he doesn’t believe me. So no, reasoning doesn’t work with him. I never said on my post that it’s my decision alone, but when there are other schools that I would like to consider that I’ve gotten accepted to, they are more worth visiting than one that I was waitlisted from. And the majority of the schools I applied to were based on his decision, so no, I did not make all of the decisions.
Condensed version
OP got into UR(Rochester or Richmond) and Bucknell. Waitlisted at William and Mary.
Money not the issue. Dad doesn’t like Bucknell and won’t let her visit. He is still making her visit W&M despite not being admitted.
It is unfortunate that a father would apply the heavy hand at this point. Sounds like the relationship is unhealthy.
I recommend making the point that choosing a college is really the first adult decision that you get to make, and even if you made a mistake, it’s going to be the first of many, and it isn’t a terrible mistake. How can he really expect you to become independent if he’s still making all of the decisions.
If this doesn’t fly, it seems like options are limited to going where Dad says, or once you are 18, moving out getting a job and living YOUR life independently. Not that I’m recommending this, but if you got married, your parents income wouldn’t be a factor in your financial aid.
Is there another parent in the picture who might have a more reasoned conversation than you are able to have?
Do you have a mom? What does she say about this?
Bucknell is a bit off the beaten track. Use Google Maps to figure out how long it would take to get there from where you live. Is it a reasonable driving distance? There is no rail service there, and bus service is limited. Flying in probably would require multiple changes. It looks like the only flights are to and from Philadelphia.
Your dad is correct that engineering is not biology, but he’s not correct in assuming that the overall science curriculum isn’t decent at a university known for engineering. Look carefully at the specific course offerings for biology at all of the places where you have been accepted. Does Bucknell offer a concentration that none of the others have? If you really want/need that concentration, then you may have something new to discuss with your dad.
Ultimately, the people who pay are the ones who get to decide. If you had a full-ride merit scholarship somewhere, you could accept that offer and not have to listen to anyone else’s opinions. Sit down with your dad and whoever else is helping to pay for your education, and run the numbers for all of the places where you have actually been accepted: http://www.finaid.org/calculators/awardletteradvanced.phtml Talk about where the money will have to come from, and what it could be used for if not for College X/Y/Z. Notice that until W&M takes you off the wait list, you won’t have a clue as to the potential cost there.
Why do you want to study biology? If you are pre-med, then you need to choose a place where you expect to get a really good GPA, and that is cheap. You need that good GPA to get into med school, and you need to save your money to pay for med school later.
You are correct. A wait list is not any guarantee that you will eventually get in, or that the place will prove to be affordable. You need to choose between the places where you have been accepted and that your parents are willing to pay for you to attend. If/when you get off the wait list at W&M you find that you are still interested in W&M, then that would be the time to pay a visit.
@ClassicRockerDad Thanks for your comment. Yes, my mother is on my side in this issue but she can’t reason with him either. Not being able to go to Bucknell won’t be the biggest deal, but not being able to go to any school at all is. From what he has told me, W&M is the only school that he likes, and he dislikes all the ones I got accepted to (but Bucknell the most).
@happymomof1 Thanks for your comment. Bucknell’s the closest to my home compared to W&M and the other schools I got accepted to, so when he said “Why would we travel that far to visit Bucknell?” when he tries to make me visit W&M, it doesn’t make sense.
Yes, he does ultimately get to make the decision if he pays but waitlist admits to W&M are less likely to receive any sort of aid (according to their website), so I don’t think it would really be cheaper than the ones I got accepted to.
My mom is also paying for my education, and he is giving her no say in where I should go either.
My suggestion is try to have your dad visit Bucknell himself or scrutinize their website. I am a parent who was not all that interested in Bucknell for my D, mainly because of the negatives I heard about drinking, Greek life, drugs etc. But a visit changed my pov and I came away thinking it could be a great option. Felt the academics and research opportunities were strong, campus was beautiful, dorms better than most schools and the area was not as remote as I had imagined. It is easy to discount something you have never experienced, so perhaps if your dad visits it can sway him, or if it doesn’t at least his opinions will be more fact based.
That being said, W&M was a school we loved even more and Richmond was terrific too. Had my D not been accepted ED to a different LAC, she definitely would have applied to those 3.
@wisteria100 Thanks alot for your sincere comment and advice!
And the problem with my dad is that he doesn’t even want to visit. He wants to stick with his assumptions without validating them. If we visit and he still doesn’t like it based on his visit, then his arguments would be more legit. But when he says “their only good program is engineering” without even taking a look at their website, then his reasoning doesn’t make sense.
Would he really have you deposit no where by May 1? Can you live with UR, and is he any more accepting of that?
Last year W&M had 1,676 students accept spots on their waitlist. 187 got in. Not sure if you have given your dad those stats (they are in the Common Data Set, you can Google it for W&M). He may think the waitlist is short.
Is there some other relative or family friend that he might listen to? Consider whether there is anyone else who could help.
I’d work with your mom to get a deposit in by May 1 at one school where you were accepted. Accept the spot on the W&M waitlist – but you could slip them an email from the side saying your parent made you accept the spot,and to please leave you on the list, but that you don’t really want to attend.
Here is some good waitlist information from W&M. It seems like generally under 10% of waitlisted applicants get in and they are not guaranteed aid. http://www.wm.edu/admission/undergraduateadmission/how-to-apply/waitlistfaqs/#Determined He needs to adjust his thinking to the fact that it is unlikely that you will be attending W&M.
I’m glad that you are mature enough to recognize that while Bucknell would be an excellent option (and it would) that the world will not end if you end up elsewhere. I would talk to your dad about the waitlist stats from W&M and try again to convince him to let you see Bucknell so you have a second firm option.
Wherever you end up, put all of this in the past and have a great college experience!
You are female correct? I live in NJ so Bucknell is one of the most common destinations for NJ students with upper tier stats. Your dad’s feelings would not be uncommon for a NJ dad with a daughter, especially if the daughter was the first to go to college or an only daughter.
It has nothing to do with location or academics, it has to do with the social reputation, which is probably more myth than reality. Might he have seen Bucknell as #4 on Princeton Review’s list of hard partying schools?
I think your dad views William & Mary as a more genteel environment. More fitting for a female.
Lehigh would also elicit the same concern.
Again, I have heard the same from friends with daughters.
@happy1 Thank you for such a polite comment! And yes, while Bucknell is an excellent fit for me academically, my other choices are great too. I’m just worried that he will be unhappy with me if I am not admitted to W&M and go elsewhere, since he does not seem to like any of the schools I was actually accepted to. And yes, you are definitely right, very few waitlisted students are admitted from W&M. Thanks for your contribution and best wishes! 
@OnTheBubble Thanks for your comment! And no, I’m a male. My dad doesn’t know anything about Bucknell’s social life, just that it has a good engineering program. He doesn’t believe that overall the school is very strong academically.
Where did he go? Since the Forbes Ranking is consolidated show him that Bucknell is ranked #43 in the entire country. That might sway him.
@OnTheBubble I don’t remember the name but it’s not in the US
Ok. Now everything is starting to make sense. You have an immigrant dad. Is there any adult whose opinion he respects who can talk him through some of this?
Yep. William & Mary is in US News under National Universities and Bucknell under Liberal Arts Colleges.
Any chance in your dad’s native language College means high school or trade school?
@happymomof1 Probably. While not many of his friends know Bucknell, they can at least talk some sense into him in letting me explain why Bucknell would be a good choice for me
@OnTheBubble Nah, he’s got a Master’s