Is this 12ish SAT essay?

<p>Thank you so much!
The Question</p>

<p>Breaking the authority is sometimes necessary.</p>

<p>America and rapidly rising China are now two of the most advanced countries in the world. There are two figures that are responsible for each country’s success. Both of them took the charge of the country when it was in danger, broke the authority of its time and the tradition of the country, and gave the prosperity to the people. The similarity of this is no coincidence. It is the proof of the universality of the truth that it is necessary to break the authority when needed.
Faced with the destitution and tumult left by Chairman Mao’s disastrous ‘great leap forward’ and ‘cultural revolution’, encountered by the demanding competition in the world, Chairman Deng took the torch from Chairman Mao. He was smart. While the people from the top government officials to the common citizens called the regress an accident and clang to the belief that the original blueprint of communism drafted by Chairman Mao would continue to work, he understood that the fatal loophole in the current system was the lack of market economy. He was courageous. While some critics condemned his act as a violation of the communism, he took the risk and understood that Chinese people needed prosperity, prosperity needed the sound economy, and the sound economy needed the combination of the state-run and the market-oriented economics. What a stunning braking on the authority! And it was his unprecedented policy that made China take the right course and get into the greatest countries in the world.
While Chairman Deng aggrandized the role of the market economy, F.D.R based on the situation, gave more space for governmental interference in the economy. Nevertheless, F.D.R obtained the similarly grand exploit. When he became president, the Great Depression was at its worst. Almost all the experts believed that the rehabilitation of economy should rely on a free market without too much interference from government. Based on this theory, the Hoover administration tried to restore the confidence in trade and commerce by balancing the government budget. Unfortunately, these policies caused only further recessions. However, F.D.R. knew that the only way to solve the crisis was to promise that the government would be unprecedentedly responsible for the welfare of its people. Although faced opposition from both left and right, he pushed a series of legislation which made up the body of his New Deal. Under his endeavors with American people, America restored its solid economy and F.D.R’s far-sighted reforms had turned the goals of U.S. government for good, for example, the government’s responsibility for the welfare of its citizens, a fundamental change which endures till today.
Great figures are often the people who can stand out to break the authority when they perceive the truth. And Chairman Deng from China and President F.D.R from U.S.A are among them. They are great politicians and they are truth seekers. It’s their striking courage to break the authority and speak the truth that distinguishes them in the history and continues to stimulate us to do the same when needed.</p>

<p>Any advice is welcome!</p>

<p>Definitely not a 12 IMO. Your examples are good but your writing is choppy [example: He was smart…He was courageous.]and there are quite a few grammatical errors. You seem to overuse the article “the” when “a” would probably be a better fit [Nevertheless, FDR obtained “the” similarly grand exploit"]. </p>

<p>Overall the paper doesn’t flow very well and is at times confusing to read. Maybe 8-10, because the examples are good.</p>

<p>I would say it is a 8 as well. Possibly a 10, if graders are feeling a little generous. It is in no way a 12.</p>

<p>In my opinion, it is a 10.</p>

<p>I’d give it a 9 or 10.</p>

<p>The introduction doesn’t catch my attention at all.</p>

<p>^ I don’t think it has to</p>

<p>8/9ish, imo.</p>

<p>zoaxanthellae, an introduction has to be strong (even if its a draft) for the grader to even consider a 6.</p>

<ol>
<li>I don’t think “He was smart…he was courageous” is choppy because I think it acutally adds variation to sentence structure. The first example of Deng is very convincing. But I don’t see how FDR broke authority. Maybe you should explain that further.</li>
</ol>

<p>Thanks guys!
I think I need to improve my grammar.</p>