<p>One of the four core pillar that identified Westminster, the school I attended straight from kindergarten to my sophomore year, was forward thinking. Consequently, when I started high school, a question that hovered over me was, What Next? This is when I began my college research process and found Gettysburg College. A look at the website was enough to tell me everything I needed to know. Gettysburg College was a place where sheltered, liberal artists, like me, would be able to spread their wings and thrive. The presence of a TEDx annual event on campus proved me right further as I saw that it was a place where my mind can develop and where I would be able to know who I am, rather than just add a degree to my résumé for opportunities in the work environment. Another thing that struck me as unique here is the Film studies minor which I wanted to take up but didnt find elsewhere. After living in the Metropolitan cities of Cairo and Dubai for a majority of my life, my craving for the small town life where sirens and whistles arent a dominant part of the day has heightened and so the location is a huge part of the reason I yearn to move here. Gettysburg Colleges campus already feels like home; I believe it will provide a stimulating environment to which I belong.</p>
<p>1) Re-read your first sentence carefully. You have a typo or error.
2) What will YOU bring to Gettysburg College? These answers need to be two-way streets - what you will give and what you will get.<br>
3) Was the website really enough to tell you everything you needed to know? Did you visit the school? Talk to students there? Talk to an admissions rep?</p>
<p>I’d be careful about using the term ‘sheltered’ when describing the student body. It might come off the wrong way.</p>
<p>I’m sorry it this comes off strong, but this is a very poor essay. Your tenses are all over the place :“was a place” is past tense. “Would be able” is future tense. Pick one tense and stick to it. There are also many other grammatical errors (four core piller? Do you mean pillars??), “proved me right further” should be “further proved me right.” This is not a college level essay. I suggest reworking it and then asking an English teacher to look it over.
In addition, you do not really answer the question of how you became interested in Gettysburg. Perhaps you could elaborate on your interest in the TEDx event and how that somehow led to your discovering Gettysburg. And, I agree with Slurpee that it is not a good idea to say that the website told you everything you needed to know. Keep working…</p>