Is this a good letter for Academic Reinstatement?

Applying to College
1

Hello, I am a new member of this website.  So, hi!
I am in the process of trying to reapply to college that I had to give up due to financial problems.
So, I was wondering if anyone could help me with anything I may need to change or fix, and any suggestions you may have?

Thanks in advance!

Dear whom it may concern,

Please accept this letter as a formal request to be reinstated in my formal study after two years of leave due to financial difficulties. My financial circumstance has changed and I am able to make the minimum financial commitment of xxx amount as been suggested by the university.

I was enrolled in 2015, however, at the beginning of the term, I was faced with a difficult situation where my parents were under great financial hardship and continuing my study would have increased their burden. Two things have happened since I left school which overturned the situation and enabled me to raise enough resource to resume my study.

First, the main cause of the problem my parents were facing had been solved. At the time my parents were going through a legal dispute which had tied up their financial resources, but the case had progressed favourably and they recovered from the financial loss. Another main source of the fund came from my grandfather’s inheritance, whom strongly wished that I complete my study. Adding this amount to my personal savings, which I have been saving since I left school by working as a freelance interpreter and translator, it would be sufficient to fulfil the minimum financial requirement. If reinstated, I am prepared to focus solely on academics.

I wrote to the department last year (2016) in early September requesting for reinstatement, however, time was not sufficient to complete the process before the start of the academic year and it was best to be postponed to current year.

I am very happy that I am able to apply for reinstatement to the register of Graduate Students. All of this would not have been possible without God’s grace and the kindness you and the university have shown me. I seek your kind understanding and consideration of my application.

2

This is confusing. When you withdrew was it clear that it was only temporary until your finances were better? If it was, it seems that you can just let them know that your finances are fixed and you are coming back. There is no need for explanations.

If you do need this letter, because there really is some question about whether you are allowed to come back, you need to find someone to help you edit it. There are many grammar mistakes.

3

I can't help with chances, but I can help with grammar + such! I'm also in your position, though for different reasons, and if I can't get back in, I hope you do.

Dear whom it may concern,

The correct phrase is “To whom it may concern” or “Dear (insert names)”. Ideally, research whoever is in charge of your readmission, and use names. This comes across much better that “To whom it may concern”. If you can’t find out, write “Dear Admissions Department of (University Name)”.

Either way, this is definitely not correct grammar.

I started this planning on going through your full letter but realized that may be a bit overkill. ME29034 is definitely correct though: you need to have a few friends proofread this before you submit it. If you don’t have any friends who are good at English, run it through both Grammarly and Hemingway Editor. You’ll still have some style issues, but most formatting and grammar issues should be fixed.