<p>Money can come from inheritance, but that will be wasted abruptly in unnecessary circumstances. Money can be attained through illegal actions, but that will eventually disperse into the society and the person will be dispersed to different prisons throughout his life. Money can be won, but without knowing how to preserve it, it will eventually find it’s way back to the economy, which is great, but not if the person disburses of the money inappropriately and is left in debt or without any of the money. All these situations arise from a lack of fine education and financial education. With some exceptions such as illegally acquiring money, some investment bankers have been caught with fraud or insider trading and they surely are accredited with exemplary education, but with atrocious morals. Other circumstances are homeless people, people who are obliged to the form of stealing. Education is the key to a successful lifetime. Education is the foundation of a society, an economy, a government, and in all, progression for humanity.</p>
<p>Can you infer the prompt from this paragraph? I don’t want to say what prompt is so that if y’all can interpret the prompt, than I answered it correctly is it a good opening paragraph?</p>
<p>I assume the question is something about the value of a good education. Regardless, your statements do not come off as provocative, but as unsubstantiated and pat conclusions. And you need to check your grammar, usage and spelling…many mistakes there. Good luck.</p>
<p>Ugh. From this I would infer that you’ve read a lot of philosophy and are drawing upon its boring prose or something. I’d guess the prompt is about the best way to make money, but I don’t know. Being able to correctly guess the prompt is not a good sign, if anything a bad one.
I don’t think it’s a good opening paragraph. It’s boring.</p>
<p>If this is for a college app essay, regardless of what the prompt is, I think you need to start over with a different approach. The goal of an app essay is to give insight into your personality, background, activities and what’s important to you, not just to produce a well written essay.</p>
<p>I also find it confusing. What is your thesis? </p>
<p>(1) A fine education is the key to a successful life.
(2) A financial education is the key to a successful life.
(3) Education is the foundation of a society, an economy, a government, and in all, progression for humanity.</p>
<p>And how do you square (1) and (2) with your claim that lots of people with exemplary educations have atrocious morals - and are now living unsuccessful lives since they were caught (and presumably punished)?</p>
<p>I’m not saying it can’t be done, but I’m currently lost.</p>
<p>Sorry for not putting prompt, mistake, the prompt: how my education is key to a successful future.
Should I completely make a new beginning, or rearrange this one?</p>
<p>Ok - got it. But now it sounds like your essay will be all about how education is the key to a successful future because it will get you money and teach you how to use it properly.</p>
<p>But isn’t there WAY more to a successful life than that? And doesn’t education have a larger role to play in a successful life, than merely getting you $$$?</p>
<p>I think you should start over. I know I come off as a massive ass, but… yeah I’m an ass. It’s good that you wrote this so that you can clear up some ideas in your own head, but this just isn’t good writing, especially for the intro of an essay.</p>
<p>Maybe reflect on recent news? Maybe start off with a statement that’s a little too bold?</p>
<p>Oh, and I know I’m a jerk, but I’m a jerk that’s an amazing writer and a better editor. If you want help later on in your draft, or if you want some feedback when you’re done, feel free to PM me.</p>
<p>This is my new first paragraph, did it in like 10 minutes so it’s not good, just want feedback on idea and its potential.</p>
<p>Throughout my high school career I’ve noticed that there are mainly 2 conventional types of students, this being broad, there are smart people and there are dumb people. The dumb people are the ones who are not necessarily unintelligent, thus the dumb people who are intelligent are extremely lazy, which to me is merely being “dumb”. That intellect is being bestowed to their sleeping schedule, when they could be accomplishing an astonishing grade. Now on the other hand the smart people don’t necessarily have to have an amazing mind, yet a lot do, the smart person is known for his or her hard work, hard studying, academic success, and astonishing grades. What they do in their education and work ethic reflects how much they will succeed in their future. This shows how much they care about and how mature and ready they will be, far ahead of the ‘dumb’ people. the form of stealing. Education is the key to a successful lifetime. Education is the foundation of a society, an economy, a government, and in all, progression for humanity.</p>
is it a good opening paragraph?</p>