Is this attempted "humorous" essay appropriate for Common Application?

College Essays
1

<p>The schools I’d like to send it to</p>

<ul>
<li>University of Virginia</li>
<li>New York University (CAS and/or Stern)</li>
<li>Case Western Reserve University</li>
<li>Virginia Commonwealth University</li>
<li>Virginia Tech</li>
<li>George Mason University</li>
<li>University of Maryland, College Park</li>
</ul>

<p>Please PM me if you would be willing to read my essay. I’ll hopefully have gotten to the threshold of posts by then.</p>

2

<p>Sure PM me assumsing you are senior, I’m in the same process.You want to get as many people’s impression as possible to make sure your essay doesn’t come across as being to irreverent.</p>