<p>My nephew, age 18, has always been a tough kid to get to know. He is difficult to converse with and hardly ever makes eye contact. When he is around adults or kids he does not know he will not interact unless he is approached. He rarely smiles. When he speaks he does so in a very monotone voice.</p>
<p>He does have a few good friends. But he doesn’t do a lot with them socially. He is very bright and has a very high GPA. My brother and SIL are very concerned because his behavior seems to be getting worse instead of better. They can’t get any conversation out of him. He replies with one word answers at best. He just seems unable to find or experience much joy in life.</p>
<p>His parents have brought up the idea of counseling with him and he is completely against it. I don’t know what to tell them. I have seen him with his friends lately and when he is with them he laughs and talks and jokes. But around anyone else he is completely flat. We do have Aspergers in our family so it makes me wonder. Or do you think this is just a case of a moping teen whose ready to break away from mom and dad?</p>
<p>Honestly this is like me when I was younger:</p>
<p>When I was around 8 my mom picked up our family from a little suburb in Connecticut to Houston Texas. Following this move I had extreme behavioral problems in school and out of school. I was constantly emotional and forever upset or angry. I had problems with my pride and when I was wrong and teachers gave me options of whether I wanted to follow directions or get sent to the principals office I always chose the latter. I wasn’t afraid of getting trouble and I didn’t feel lower but rather equal to my teachers. </p>
<p>Needless to say I had tons of problems… And was later (that year) diagnosed with postpartum depression and later still asperger’s . I had to schooled from home for six weeks because I was diagnosed with depression and I was on 75mg of Zoloft as an eight year old. As the year went on I went to other specialist and was diagnosed with a thyroid disease that made my hormones go CRAZY. </p>
<p>Okay so idk if this kid of yours is depressed or autistic, I can normally tell just by talking to somebody but obviously here I can’t. But let me say I’m pretty sure I’m not autistic, have tons of friends, I don’t act like alot of the autistic kids I know, i show no signs whatsoever (even the psychologist said I didn’t have aspergers after he realized my hormones were jacke up do bad ) , but that title has followed me through my life. I’m sixteen now and in school I got special treatment, I have always felt uncomfortable when people talk about autistic people … I wish my mother never took me to that therapist because it really has bothered me and to this day my mother and family still consider me autistic. Even if this kid is autistic think about it before you get it printed on paper for the world to see . And you can easily fix depression with a simple visit to a therapist and a prescription .</p>
<p>Sounds like he may have a lot of anxiety/depression.
He needs to be taken for a medical /psychiatric evaluation.
He may not be receptive to counseling without medication- although approach it as an acute rather than chronic illness until you know otherwise.</p>
<p>Also sounds like perhaps he is not going to be receptive to intervention via his parent’s urging/suggestion. Is there someone else that could talk to him about the benefits of seeking some help/guidance??? A school friend, teacher, neighbor, church person, relative - someone that he DOES tend to speak to???</p>
<p>Just a slightly different perspective. He sounds not unlike one of my kids. Just a very shy kid who still struggles to interact with people he doesn’t know (he’s 20). I think the fact that your nephew has friends and is happy when he’s with them is probably very telling. I’d suspect just a teenager thing–which can be really really weird as we all know. (I know one kid who completely changes his countenance when his mom walks in the room–definitely a young man trying to be surly.)</p>
<p>If he’s still doing well in school, I’d really leave it alone. Seems they might push him farther away if they continue to hover/treat him like there’s something wrong. And often extroverted parents just don’t get their introverted kids–they can be quite happy without being the life of the party.</p>
<p>I was that kid. From my perspective, they are waiting for someone to show that they will not give up on them.
Which means keep gently using whatever means necessary to get them help.</p>
<p>Hardly ever making eye contact, sounds like more than being moderately shy. Since he hasn’t been diagnosed as autistic.</p>
<p>Sounds just like my nephew (without the friends part) we are all so concerned.
Curious- did he learn to drive?
Does he have food issues?
Does he play lots of video games?
My nephew (19) doesn’t watch much tv and doesn’t seem interested in movies.</p>
<p>Any and all suggestions from those who have experience would be much appreciated. Nephew refuses counseling- he did go from 14-17 without good results-</p>
<p>I am wondering if they should just try and get him into the medical doc first. Maybe get a prescription for an anti-depressant and then see what happens. It might be easier than the counseling route; he had a depression issue in early middle school, went to one counseling session then declared he hated it and said he was never going back.</p>
<p>Sounds very much like a friend of mines son who is diagnosed Aspergers. Extremely bright but socially backward (meaning anti-social often). It is day by day as to his behavior issues.
A positive diagnosis helps a lot in getting treatment and external help through the school system.</p>
<p>Definitely, take him to the family doc/GP ASAP. Find a doc he respects—seriously bright kids need docs they respect before they’ll listen, and even then, they think they’re outsmarting the doc. An inexpensive anti-depressant might make all the difference (counseling can come later).</p>
<p>If you have Aspergers in the family, maybe the first call is for his parents to compare notes with those parents. My understanding is that Asp is now out of the diagnostics manual, but it, depression, anxiety and the rest are best not self-diagnosed. It’s also possible he is, as you note, very bright and not all that interested in interacting with parents and relatives. Why do you say he can’t experience joy? Is it his definition of happiness and satisfaction? Clearly, he’s able to commit to school and does have friends. Good luck.</p>
<p>As a parent, you have a lot of questions, and it’s so easy to explain away a lot as “just being a teen” or “stress,” but deep down, you know when something isn’t quite right. Start with the family doctor and a physical. As the family doctor to send the kid to a therapist for “screenings” as a part of the physical package. Many doctors will work with you on that. Call the office before the appointment. Tell the PCP what you suspect. Act surprised when you are called in post appointment and the PCP says, “You know, sometimes I like to have some psychological screenings done for someone this age.” In other words, if you as a parent think something is wrong, do whatever is necessary to get it checked out. </p>
<p>If the kid is suffering from depression, anxiety, or another mental illness, treatment is available. Why let him suffer? And if he’s “just being a teen,” a therapist visit will put minds at ease.</p>
<p>I am not sure why consultations with doctors or giving pills to shy kids will help them to be more sociable. I think there are better or safer alternatives such as exposing them to team sports at a young age. But now he is a teenager and he is what he is based on the probable lack of social exposure he was given as a kid.</p>
<p>If he shines when his friends are around then why not encourage that by hosting a soiree often in the parents home. I would think that would offer better opportunities to see the son laugh as opposed to pushing doctor visits or pills on him. At some point, he would let his guard down and warmly chat with one of the adults.</p>
<p>I’m with “ordinary lives”–you already know there’s a serious problem. You just don’t know what to do. OL has a good path to follow. I would follow it.</p>
. And you can easily fix depression with a simple visit to a therapist and a prescription .</p>