Is this essay crap? I did it ten minutes before it was due...

<p>The University of Washington seeks to create a community of students richly diverse in cultural backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. How would you contribute to this community?</p>

<pre><code>Afghanistan, known commonly today as a war-torn, perhaps even helpless country, is rarely thought of as beautiful or culturally stimulating. Contrary to popular belief, the country of Afghanistan and its people are a diamond in the rough. As an Afghan-American, I had the fortune of visiting the beautiful country despite the current tumultuous conditions because of my father’s military position. My experience helped to deepen my cultural understanding and granted me a new sense of empathy for people.
Walking down the streets of Kabul with my mother at my side, I witnessed things that would forever be etched in my memory. I stopped by a little cart to buy some naan, or Persian bread. I looked to my side to see a little girl and her brother digging through a dumpster in earnest. I could not help but feel my heartstrings tighten when the little boy, in a desperate fashion, pulled out a pack of spoiled grapes from the waste. He and his sister’s reaction to the finding of the spoiled grapes nearly brought my mother and I to tears. It was as though they had won the lottery.
Seeing the children’s enthusiasm over finding a meager pack of spoiled grapes elicited an epiphany of sorts. I compared the life I, as an Afghan-American, had to the children and people of Afghanistan. The people in Afghanistan do not dwell on their problems or sadness; rather, they are doers. They have an unimaginable amount of courage, cultural refinement and perseverance.
Coming back from a place like Afghanistan, one gains a new appreciation for what they have. The University of Washington prides itself on its ability to house a beautifully diverse student body teeming with valuable cultural traits. After visiting the country of my family’s origin, I feel as though I now have a new appreciation and empathy for the human condition.
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<p>boring and cliched. and that’s just the first paragraph.</p>

<p>but it answers the prompt, and uwash being what it is, you might have a chance.</p>

<p>I see where you’re going and I love your idea, but the essay lacks focus. The thesis of the essay is about Afghanistan’s culture but goes on to discuss poverty instead.</p>

<p>Ah, well thank you for the honest criticism. I had spent so much time and effort into my personal statement (which I believe was VERY strong), that I kinda slacked on the second essay. Thank you!</p>