<p>My name is [omitted]. I am a unique indivudal with eclectic interests, and I feel that I would bolster the diversity of a college campus. Some of my traits, seldom-found in people my age, have been cultivated by my atypical high school experience. I was home schooled for two years, and during this time I developed important characteristics like self-discipline and the ability to manage my time.
I would say that I am an intelligent individual, with a healthy curiosity and desire for knowledge. Often I will take out books from the local library, or buy them at a bookstore, and read them voraciously. My main interests are relegated to the social studies: I love history (especially European), politics, and linguistics. I have read a good amount of history books, and took a political science course at CW Post during the summer of 2010. I also volunteered for an aspiring congressman in that summer, making phone calls to people, informing them of the candidate’s platform and reminding them to vote in November. As far as linguistics go, I have made studious forays into several of the Indo-European languages (Latin, Russian, Dutch, and German). Within me there is a great love for learning languages, and the understanding and communicative ability that comes with that. I am also interested in the sciences, especially futurism and theoretical physics. The mathematics behind physics, to me, is like a beautiful vista. As the twentieth century physicist Paul Dirac said, “God chose to make the universe according to very beautiful mathematics.”
So my interests are quite varied, I am self-disciplined, and make sagacious use of my time. I am knowledgeable, and have perhaps abberant views of certain things; a different perspective. In political or other polygonal matters, I try to remain unbiased and evaluate all sides of the arguments to the best of my abilities.</p>
<p>If it’s not too late, you should reconsider posting the actual essay. Did you check out the stickies at the top of the forum?</p>
<p>It’s a bit of a shopping list. Maybe you could use some of it for the EC essay. Try to refocus your essay and consolidate your essay topic about one key aspect of yourself.</p>
<p>The emphasis on your own abilities should be strong in an essay…but yours is a little too strong.
Try not be so, for lack of a better word, arrogant. Take a step back, and be more humble. Talk about your strengths, but not in a demeaning way as used in the phrase (roughly quoted) “I have skills that other people my age lack.”
It’s too much.
They can know what you are capable of intellectually through scores, go beyond that.
Also, mention WHY the college is a good fit for you. WHY do you want to go there? How will you add to the life of that college?</p>
<p>You should really focus your essay and look out for spelling mistakes. Individual is spelled wrong. </p>
<p>Also you use confusing phrases like “polygonal matters”. I really don’t know what that is.</p>
<p>I can help more, but I’d rather pm you if you want.</p>
<p>What is this essay for??? What prompt does it follow? This is all “tell” – the general advice is show-not-tell, a nice little tale that expresses.</p>
<p>I didn’t read it but I think you should rewrite it. College is very important and and admissions essay should be more than just a rushed seven minute essay.</p>
<p>A] Don’t post your entire essay in public. PM it to interested people.</p>
<p>B] There’s some wonky grammar and spelling here.</p>
<p>C] The essay makes you come off as a snob. Why just keep on listing so many good qualities in such a demeaning way?</p>
<p>D] There’s no need to repeat things like how self-disciplined you are or how you sagaciously use your time. They aren’t being reinforced, if that was your intention.</p>
<p>Tell me if you need any more guidance. I’d love to help :)</p>