Is this normal for the summer before freshman year?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Okay. So most of you know that I’m pretty close with my parents, but I’m MUCH closer to my mom than to my dad.</p>

<p>However.</p>

<p>Lately, everything anyone in my family does or says (to me) bugs the heck out of me.</p>

<p>ESPECIALLY my dad. For whatever reason, he acts like he has no short-term memory anymore, and this happens like every single day:</p>

<p>Dad: “Whatcha doin’?”
Me: “Watching TV.”</p>

<p>10 minutes later.
Dad: “Whatcha doin’?”</p>

<p>Or if we’re in the same room and I get up to go somewhere he always goes, “Where are you going?”</p>

<p>Now normally it wouldn’t bother me, but it’s when it’s like 10 at night and I’m only ever going like…to the bathroom or in my room.</p>

<p>Am I just taking my nerves about college out on my dad and my sister? (I still seem to be okay with my mom.)</p>

<p>Same thing with my sister. I’ve had this problem with her for a while, but EVERY TIME she calls my cell phone, it’s to ask me to do something she either forgot to do or just doesn’t want to do. </p>

<p>Also…she’s not home very often, but when she is home she acts like it’s ALLLL about her.</p>

<p>Like…for example. She hasn’t been home ALL day. And she comes home around 2 PM, looks at me and goes, “Can I watch TV?”</p>

<p>And it’s just like, “What the heck, we have two other TVs. Go watch one of them.” But I can’t tell her that, because she’ll get REALLY mad at me.</p>

<p>I know I sound EXTREMELY juvenile and I don’t know why this stuff bothers me so much, but it does. Is it normal to feel this way just before going off to college, or am I a turning into a horrible person?</p>

<p>I also don’t feel like I’m excited as my family expects me to be, and I think that’s making me angry too. Like…I want people to stop asking me if I’m excited. Because when they do, it reminds me that I’m not that excited, and then I feel bad about that too.</p>

2

<p>This is a hard time for both you and your family. They are trying to adjust to the idea of life without you. You seem like a delightful person and I’m sure they will miss you greatly. Be patient with them, and try to remember that soon they will feel your loss and the emptyness of your room. You will miss them once in awhile, but you will be experiencing so much newness and excitment that the adjusment won’t be nearly as hard for you. A little grace right now will go a long way. :)</p>

3

<p>In my opinion, it’s pretty normal. Believe it or not, it’s not your parents that are changing. It’s you. I think sometimes kids that are getting ready to leave the nest try to separate and distance themselves from their parents before they actually leave. It’s kind of protection mechanism. If they begin the emotional separation now, they may think it will lessen any “homesickness” once they get to college. Your parents probably understand this process. By asking to watch TV with you, they’re really trying to say, “We still love you even though you’re trying to push us away.” It’s a good thing. You’re growing and your parents love you. Lighten up a little and enjoy each others company. It’s OK.</p>

4

<p>Thanks, both of you. :)</p>

<p>I think it’s just hard for me because I’m really used to being VERY close to my family. So it’s weird when I don’t want to be around them all the time.</p>

<p>I guess I really am growing up!</p>

5

<p>I agree with nysmile. My kids have always prepared themselves for separation by being a huge pain in the rear. It’s normal. :)</p>

6

<p>HGFM,
My S is doing much the same thing. Is keeping to himself around us, and wholeheartedly delving into the rest of the world. On the other hand, I want to talk to him endlessly – no such luck! I think it’s necessary to start girding oneself for the big separation at the end of the summer, and everyone handles it differently.</p>

7

<p>I’m exactly the same way. I use to sit up and talk to my mom all the time but now I usually just surf the web or watch TV. I didn’t even realize how much I do this until I read this thread. Humph</p>

8

<p>My mom has repeated the same 3 instructions to me 8 times over the last 4 hours. I think she’s treating me like even more of a child now that the “Stuff for my Dorm” pile in my room is growing at a steady rate.</p>

<p>Honestly, she typed out instructions on the 3 things I should tell my doctor during my physical, and then proceeded to read out the symptoms of whatever disease she thinks I have. Because you know, it’s sooooooooo hard to guess the symptoms of low blood sugar.</p>

<p>I think, since I live so close to my school–and really, really do not want to come home that often–I’ll just be a horrible egomaniacal jerk the two weeks before I leave. I can’t really tell whether or not I’m serious about doing that. It’s certainly tempting, considering that my mom is becoming increasingly clingy and likes to interrogate me about my days at work, which really are boring.</p>

<p>In any case, I think we’re all going to become worse people over the new few months, but we’ll grow out of it eventually when the excitement of college has worn off and we come to our senses.</p>

9

<p>I have the same problem. I really think that I’m subconsciously trying to emotionally distance myself from them.</p>

<p>I was really super excited for moving, but now I’m not. I’ve been getting really emotional lately. Last night, I was laying in bed with my dog and I started crying because I realized that my dog won’t be able to sleep with me and I won’t be able to hear my mom snoring from the next room and I won’t have my familiar room around me. I don’t think I’m as ready for it as I thought I was.</p>

10

<p>WOW it has been 3 years since I went through this with my D. We are really close and the summer before she left I became fixated on her and she was isolating. We have come to a better balance. As she faces senior year, I see some pulling away again as she realizes that "the real world’ looms ahead.<br>
OKgirl, don’t worry, you are ready, change is hard, but you have great new things ahead of you. You will miss some things, but they will always be there for you. Once all of you get involved in your schools you will be just fine!
HGFM find some time to spend a few quiet moments with each of the people in your family who are trying to deal with you leaving…tell them you love them and will miss them. Tell them you are ready to go, but will stay connected. That is all they really are looking for. Sometimes it is nice to set a time or way you will promise to stay connected so they have that to look forward to.
You are all facing an exciting time, enjoy!</p>

11

<p>It’s nice to know I’m not alone :)</p>

<p>I talked to my mom tonight, and I feel like a lot of my trouble with my dad stems from him acting like he refuses to let go of me and doesn’t even want me to go to college. And I even cried…which I think was a good release for me, because I didn’t even cry at graduation. </p>

<p>I think a lot of this is hard for him because he never traveled or even left his hometown when he was younger, and he never went to college. Plus I’m the youngest of 3, so I’m his "baby girl’. But it’s just…hard to understand, I guess…</p>

<p>Great advice, JC. :slight_smile: Thanks.</p>

12

<p>Another piece of advice - as you lay in bed at night and worry that you might not be ready or excited…</p>

<p>You’ve “lived” going to college for at least the last year likely. Now the reality of all you worked for, searched for, prayed for is about to happen. It’s absolutely normal that you might have mixed feelings. Same for your parents. I know with my D last year I had been immersed in the whole college search, application, graduation, buying the supplies, being so proud of her experience. When the day came to drop her off, many, many tears flowed. She too, is very close to all of us and quite honestly while she was happy to go to college, she liked life at home too! When I first came back home after dropping her off, I spend the first few days thinking “why did I ever think sending her away to college was a good idea!!!???” - honest, as I walked around the house everything reminded me of her and finally then it hit me that this was “real” and she wasn’t going to come home in a week and say “all done! that was fun!”. But I adjusted, the family adjusted and most importantly she adjusted - very well.</p>

<p>When you go the only expectations you need to have are what works for you. Don’t base it on your peers around you. Some will phone their family twice a month. Some will go home every weekend. While of course, it is hoped that you will develop friends and activities that you will be happy with your college life, it is OK to keep as much contact as you need with your family at home - through text message, phone calls, etc. You’ve been close to your family for 18 years - no need to go cold turkey!!!</p>

<p>My D who is very close to me, chose on her own, to want to give me a quick call most mornings (all year she had a break between 10 and 11ish) and in the evening (10-10:30PM) - I told her many times to not feel obligated, but SHE seemed to feel the need to touch base that way. Some calls were quick, some we discussed schoolwork, some we discussed Desperate Housewives :), whatever. I think this also helped her to not feel out of the loop when she did come home to visit. </p>

<p>Maybe try to spend some of your day on regular family things - not all based on that trip out the door you’ll be making to college soon - you as well as your family might feel less tension that way.</p>

13

<p>HisGrace, I have to thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me insight into what must be going through my younger daughter’s head! (Her move-in day is about five weeks away.) She keeps most everything locked insde - except to her friends, of course. Now I know what to say/not to say when we’re both home… </p>

<p>This whole process reminds me of an airplane trip: All that excitement planning for the trip, picking where you want to go, getting your ticket - and then just waiting to get to your destination. Holding patterns are boring!</p>

14

<p>HGFM, yes it’s very normal. I went through this with our 20 year old D two years ago and we’re right in the middle of it with our S, who will go to college in 5 weeks. We love him tremendously and he loves us, but he’s driving H and me nuts with his short temper!</p>

<p>Hang in there, and have a wonderful time at college!!</p>

15

<p>Leaving home is hard on many fronts. It takes adjustments on all fronts. Your parents are excited FOR you, nervous FOR you and sad FOR themselves. You have been their lives for the last 18 years…the most important possession in their lives. They would give their lives for you. They knew this day would come but it is still a hard one to take. They camoflage their feelings with busying themselves with getting stuff you really don’t need for college but that they hope will make you comfortable.</p>

<p>Please take this to heart from looking back, I wish, I had taken advantage of those quiet moments at home sitting with my dad watching t.v…sit closer, laugh with him about the show, when you get up to leave announce where you are going, following it with a big hug goodnight.</p>

<p>At school, check in with them, give them some bits of your world at college… an email about something trivial to you will make their day…slowly you will both wean away…they will be less inquisitive if you keep in touch.</p>

<p>Remember two weeks into college reality sets in…you are stuck in that little room for the next 9 months and all the comforts from home suddenly look soooo good. Enjoy your parents laugh at their nervousness over you leaving, give extra hugs…and leave with a smile.</p>

16

<p>flatlander-glad I could help :)</p>

<p>Again, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. I feel much better today, and I even feel a little less short with my dad. But it’s been varying day by day since I got in last December.</p>

<p>I already told my mom that if she hasn’t heard from me (phone, email, txt, IM, whatever ((yes, I do all that with my mom :slight_smile: ))) for 3-4 days, to call and check to make sure I’m still breathing. :slight_smile: I’m planning on talking to my family at LEAST once every 2 days.</p>

<p>PS. I’m still 17 :slight_smile: I’ll be 18 in September. But I get the point you’re all making.</p>

17

<p>I leave ONE MONTH from today…and things aren’t getting any better. Every day I either wake up in a GREAT mood, or a TERRIBLE mood.</p>

<p>Today it was a terrible mood. Yesterday it was a great mood.</p>

<p>I think I need to get out of the house too…sending out an emergency “let’s do something” call to some friends tonight.</p>