My recent college graduate got a call for a job interview a couple of states away. It should be almost six hours driving and through a few large metropolitan areas. She originally thought of driving down the day of, but H suggested it might be best if she stays overnight so she is fresh for the interview.
I’m worried about her driving down in her car which is reliable but has some parts held on by duct tape, and staying in a hotel by herself. I almost wonder if I should drive down with her and find somewhere in town to hang out while she’s interviewing. That would be too too weird, right?
Maybe I should just make sure she has a plan for keeping her phone charged and her car is freshly duct taped with an extra roll in the glove compartment in case of emergencies…
“That would be too too weird, right?”
Yup. 
I think you accompanying her is overkill for a college grad. She’ll be perfectly fine in a hotel by herself. If her car is questionable to make a drive of that length, can you loan her yours for the trip?
I understand where you are coming from because I am the same way… but… I would not go. Rent a car for 2 days and let her stay in a hotel.
I don’t know if any of our cars is more reliable than hers…We’ll discuss a rental.
Thanks for the ideas.
If she wants you to go, you should definitely go with her! If she’s nervous about the hotel/long drive, that won’t help her in the interview. But… if she wants to go it alone, you shouldn’t discourage her. I don’t think it is weird/overprotective.
If she’s not ready to get herself to the job interview - including making her own plans for car care, phone charging and duct taping - she’s not ready for a full time professional job.
As someone who hires people to work in my business, I can tell you for most employers this is a nightmare employee… an employee who comes attached to a parent.
Get an oil change, rotate and check the tires (including the spare), check out the GPS directions ahead of time with her, provide her with an external charger for her phone, make sure she has AAA or some other roadside assistance, get her a hotel room for the night before (my rule when staying alone - interior doorways are a must, and I don’t stay on the first floor so people can’t see in the windows), stand in the driveway waving her goodbye, then go into the house and worry until she texts you that she has arrived.
If you go the rental route make sure she can legally drive the car - often there are age minimums.
DO NOT GO WITH HER! It would be way too weird for you to go, and if it happened to be mentioned in the interview would be a real turn-off to the potential employer. No one wants to hire someone who can’t function independently.
Everyone has a different comfort zone - as a rising college junior, my D traveled to Greece alone via several flights and a ferry! I was a basket case, but proving they can navigate the world by themselves is a necessary step to adulthood.
Good luck!
S1 had an interview about an hour and a half away from us last year. I drove him because (a) he didn’t have his car with him so needed to take one of ours anyway, and (b) I grew up in that area and decided to use the opportunity to meet up with some old friends while he interviewed. I still had some time to kill, but since S was in town only for a few days, I got to spend more time with him.
ETA: Not the same as your situation since my son is, obviously, male, and he wasn’t going to stay overnight.
D is definitely not over attached. She lived away at college, rarely coming home, and has traveled overseas for a couple of months having made her own plan and paid for it herself. Regularly travels on planes for visits. She did not ask me to come. It is completely my issue, not hers.
I’m driving my 30 year old about 5 hours away for a big exam…and spending the night with her there the night before. I’ll drop her off…and then spend the day with a friend in the area. Then I’ll pick her up…and drive her home.
TBH, she doesn’t need the stress of driving in the congested urban area we will be going to.
Make the offer. Your kiddo might say “sure”. Then again…she might say “I can handle this”.
Tires are new and her car got a full inspection when she got the tires. I’ll remind her to check about an oil change.
Her phone sometimes doesn’t charge well in her car. It bothers me more than her. Thanks for the tip about the tip about the external charger @InigoMontoya .
I’d ask her and then stay invisible, if you go. Rent a car, if yours aren’t completely reliable. No point risking a breakdown. This isn’t babying, to me. It’s just about logistics. If she goes alone ask if she needs her own card to rent a car and hotel room.
I’d worry about the duct tape. If your kid hasn’t routinely driven long distances alone, now’s not the time to experiment. She wants to get to the interview safe and sound.
I’m not a parent, but does she even want you there with her? No offense, I’m sure she likes you, but I wouldn’t want my mom with me when I’m stressed out in a situation like that. That would make me even more freaked out. Also, and you might not want to hear this, I’m willing to bet that she’s already been all over without you even knowing about it, especially when she was abroad. When I go off to college, that’s what I’ll be doing. Fun times!
You lost me at “my recent college graduate” Beverly Goldberg.
I agree on the possible car rental. And I would make one exception to taking the trip – where is it? If it’s in a cool place, say Nashville, NY, or something, I’d go and hit the town. Kind of a celebration.
my kid has gotten on a flight to Africa as a high schooler, landed there by herself without knowing the language, and navigated her way through the city at rush hour to find the location of the place where she had the internship. And that’s just been the beginning of her travels.
That said, when she and her roommates drove in a crappy car to Boston on an 8 hour drive to visit a friend, I worried the whole time before she texted.
what can you do?
I would go. Not because I’m needed, but because I would enjoy a road trip with my DD! Sheesh. So much judgment!
Yes, judgment. DO NOT GO! Your D should go the day before in case there are snafus, regardless of the car’s condition. You should not be there so she has privacy in dealing with it. I understand driving instead of flying because too often the hassles of getting from city A to B are less if they are not major hubs.
A few years ago our son drove several hours in snowy weather to a hotel interview with paid accommodations. We heard the details after the fact. Arriving the evening before meant he was sure to be on time for his interview. Being alone meant he could process the experience before telling us any details. Your D may be very independent and also be close to you but this should be her experience alone. btw- son got the job they recruited him for.
This is not the time for a M-D road trip, even if they are close. The D will be thinking about the upcoming interview and will have some stress. After it she needs privacy to react. You will also react better without the immediate details- let her calm down from it and filter the details. It can be better to not know as much.
6 hours is a long drive for many people regardless of age or maturity. When W and I drive out 6 hours to see D, we split the driving into 3 hours each. It’s not a drive I would really want to do on my own (personally I’d rather fly than drive). So from that perspective, I see absolutely nothing wrong with offering to share the driving duties, or offering to buy her plane tickets if she’d rather fly.
You might ask her if she’s willing to put the “Find my phone” app on, just for the duration of the trip back and forth, so that someone knows where she is. My D drives 10 hours each way to school and always does this. No big deal for her and reassuring to me.
H and I do the same when just one of us is driving S back and forth to school or traveling some other significant distance. No need for the driver to remember to text from a rest stop, hotel, etc.