I’ve been thinking about the essay I’m going to write for my Amherst application and I would like some suggestions. I’m applying as a first-year, because my CC grades aren’t good enough to be reported.
I am a multiracial URM, below the poverty line individual, and it’s been almost 3 years since I graduated High School. I’ve had a pretty ridiculously stressful but eye-opening set of experiences since then.
I’ll give a brief summary of these and I want feedback as to which I should focus on in my essay, as it is probably too much to recount. Or, alternatively, if I should focus on something else entirely.
Summary:
At the tail end of my senior year, I was trying to apply to college amidst several stressful family events. Days before my birthday that year (in the fall), my mom tried to commit suicide. A month or so later at Christmastime, my dear grandmother began a severe decline in her health. At that time, I was really stressed and depressed and generally worried for the future, and reluctantly decided to go to community college, after all my top college apps were rejected that spring. I would have been the first in four generations to attend college in my family, and the pressure and stress was undeniable. I felt like an absolute failure. I struggled through community college, but still walked away with all A’s and one C during my first year. The next Christmas though, my grandmother passed from this world. I was so numb from the overall experience, and my second year in addition to working full-time, I kind of blew it. I had always been fairly spiritual, but my grandmother’s death made me question everything. I was a passionate writer before her passing, and after, I couldn’t even bear to pick up a pen, or even read. It made me feel too much.
I was still a mostly A student, but I failed a class, and had to withdraw from 3 classes between two semesters. I had never failed a class before, or even gotten a C in high school, and I felt like more of a failure than ever before. I had also started working full-time, and had one to two demanding jobs during different points in the year, and was struggling not to get kicked out by my (slightly recovered) mom and her husband. On top of this, I was also dealing with an awful series of my first relationships, being the president of one club in my college and an officer in another, and all of it together was just too much.
I woke up one day and just decided that I needed to be better. I was someone who was supposed to be a leader- I had younger siblings who needed me, a whole group of people that I was supposed to lead at my school, and myself. I needed to be strong, and being strong isn’t being stubborn to change. Everything wasn’t in my control, and that was okay. But I was making poor decisions with the control I did have, and that wasn’t okay. But regardless, I shouldn’t forever live in regret and mourning. I have a life and I should live it! I hadn’t cried in years, not even when my grandmother passed. I just let the flood gates go and became a new person. I cried until I thought my eyes were going to bleed.
After this, I got a better job. I cut off toxic friends and relationships. I started taking my health into consideration, and discovered a passion for cooking, like grandmother once had. I retook the classes I made poor grades in, and have gotten mostly A’s and one B in the others I’ve taken since. I’ve since been able to write again, even if it was painful at first. I also met the love of my life, someone who was not at all who I expected. I am happy.
And nothing worked out the way I had planned.
I know that others in my same situation may have made better things come out of it. They may have still been able to succeed in the midst of all the stress and despair. Maybe I could have as well. But I don’t ask those questions anymore. I’ve felt many tumultuous emotions throughout these past three years: grief, fear, numbness, pain, self-pity, heartbreak, betrayal. But even more importantly, I’ve felt love, compassion, kindness, understanding, and exhilaration, just from living. And now, more than ever, I find myself ready to take this world head on.
I’m not perfect, and I’m not the best. But if I have learned anything these past three years, I’ve learned that being perfect isn’t character. I don’t need to be the best, just me. Success without challenges isn’t success, it’s just mimicry, monotony, and expected. Well I’m not expected. I am extraordinary, because I have faced monsters and come out stronger.
One question I used to ask myself two or three years ago was “Why I had been rejected?” “I had done everything right, but it wasn’t enough.”
I know the answer now. It’s because I wasn’t ready. Had any of the awful things following my exit from high school happened while attending my dream school, I would have probably dropped out of college completely, and fulfilled all of the expectations the world has for a person like me.
But honestly, I’m not one to fulfill expectations. I like to stand out. I like to ask questions and learn more, and be more. And if nothing else, I can promise you that.
Sorry, this really turned into kind of an essay. Regardless, please give me some opinions on what I should write my admissions essay on. All of the experiences I wrote about are true to life, just so everything’s clear. Thanks guys!
