<p>DD got the Yale Book Award from her HS. I know it is the teachers/GC who did the pick. But I still think it will be nice for DD to write a simple thank you note to the local Yale club who donated the book. </p>
<p>When I asked DD, she gave me a very strong “no”. She said no one does that. Why is that? I think it is a nice thing to do.</p>
<p>I agree with her - this is something she earned as a result of her work, it’s not something given to her as a gift. </p>
<p>Congratulations to your daughter, that’s a very nice accomplishment.</p>
<p>Actually, I agree with laserbrothe. She’s earned the award, but it is still a nice gesture to acknowledge the local Yale club for donating the book. Courtesy is not something one “owes” to others but to oneself.</p>
<p>It’s always nice to send a thank you letter, and usually doesn’t take much time or effort.</p>
<p>I think a student always should thank the donor for any award received. She may have “earned” it, but they were not required to give the award to her or to anyone else. Someone went to the trouble of contacting her school, choosing an appropriate book, and paying for it. </p>
<p>On a related topic, I have been unpleasantly surprised recently when I did not receive thank you notes (or a phone call, email, etc.) for graduation gifts I gave to several friends/family members for high school or college graduations. I did receive one nice note from one young man. </p>
<p>My kids are definitely not paragons of etiquette, but they wrote personal thank you notes for all graduation gifts from friends and family, as well as to the donors of all small scholarships, book awards, etc. they received as high school seniors. I may not have been as strict about chores, making them earn spending money, or some other things as some other parents, but I definitely ingrained in my kids that it is required to write thank you notes on such occasions.</p>
<p>Absolutely, positively, without a doubt…send the note.</p>
<p>While the HS selects the award winner for the book prize from my alma mater, I pick the book(s), wrap it, and deliver it to the school. I also enclose a personal note…with my regular address and e-mail address. In 5 years of doing this at 3 different high schools, I have never received a thank you note! I continue to do this work because I think it is great PR for my alma mater…but I am shocked at never having received a note.</p>
<p>Even if it’s not an individual at the Yale Club in your area who provides the book, the Yale club finances the purchase of the book.</p>
<p>The note may have no bearing on the admission process, but it is good manners to send it.</p>
<p>I totally agree with writing thank you notes for gifts, mentoring, time and materials donated (and we are obsessive note-writers, especially the “thank you” variety), however, I likened this to accomplishment-based awards: it was given to her because of performance in the classroom. </p>
<p>I looked at it more as, let’s say a student is on the track team, or in a spelling bee, and, they win. Do they write a letter to the organization who donated - or discounted - the gold medal?</p>
<p>Our line was that awards in or out of school involving selection should always be followed with a thank you courtesy.</p>
<p>Two years ago, D rec’d the Harvard Book from our HS. I insisted she write a thank you note to the Pres of the local Harvard-Radcliffe Alumni Assoc that sponsored the award. She did. The gentleman called her and for the next 9 months was available as a resource for applications, essays, etc…for all the schools D applied to, not just Harvard.</p>
<p>Yes, send a thank you. It is pretty much never inappropriate to do so. At worst they will say, wow this was unnecessary but a nice gesture. </p>
<p>She can just say she enjoys the book and that she hopes the program will continue. Then they will just accept the note as a polite acknowledgement of support for the program. They don’t have to give a book award.</p>
<p>2boysinMA…your story of never getting a thank you note reminds me of something related but not exactly the same. But I am an alum interviewer for my alma mater for admissions and have been doing these for at least ten years. In all these years, I have never received a thank you letter. This astounds me as both my children wrote individualized letters of thanks to all of their interviewers, let alone any faculty they met with and so forth. I would not have occured to me for them to not send a thank you to an interviewer for admissions. I figured my kids were doing the norm. But maybe their thank you’s caught an eye? Because none of the kids I interview for a selective university ever send a note of thanks. </p>
<p>And to the mom who got no thanks from grad gifts, that is really wrong.</p>
<p>I agree with laserbrother.</p>
<p>I agree that she should send the note.</p>
<p>MotherofTwo, I can’t believe you didn’t get thank you letters! I spent a couple days after graduation writing thank you letters so that everyone got them within the week. Some of my friends took all summer to finish, but they all sent them.</p>
<p>Corranged - I was surprised too! </p>
<p>Soozie - My kids also sent thank you notes to their alumni interviewers. I thought this was the norm.</p>
<p>I also agree with laserbrother, but if its any consolation, my kids also tended to be resistant to the idea of sending thank you notes… so as a parent, all you can do is nudge them in the right direction. But in this case, your daughter is wrong, you are right.</p>
<p>My kids often were “resistant” to my requests to do or not do various things, and some might even say that they had “fresh mouths” at times, but, in the case of thank you notes, there was no doubt in their minds that they had to do this, even if I might have needed to remind them to do it in a timely fashion. I never heard either one of them say that it was not necessary or that they did not need to write them.</p>
<p>Most of the people that do these awards volunteer their time, or put in extra time, and I would think it would be very classy and gracious to send a thankyou, it lets the people doing the award know that it is appreciated, not just an “eh” thing</p>
<p>why in the world NOT send one, that kind of suprises me</p>
<p>One of our female senators, who currently has oddles of power, whether you agree with her or not, made it a practice to send thank you notes to everyone, and it paid off-people feel good, and its jsut the right thing to do</p>
<p>Not sending a thankyou is like not shaking the hand of someone who gives you a medal, just because you earned it doesn’t mean you are not gracious and show your appreciation</p>
<p>Calmom…I feel in cases that are more optional (and the Book Award kinda falls in that category to me), you can try to get your child to do it and then leave it up to them. It is the right thing to do and so it is good to teach that. But for a GIFT someone bought them such as a graduation gift, I can’t imagine not really making them do it as best as one can. I would keep reminding them to do the gift thanks if I had to and I haven’t had my kids resist as they have expected to do these (and at most might need a reminder to do it promptly) but if a kid was reluctant, I might not let them do something else until they sent the thanks. Not thanking someone for a gift that was bought is just not OK. I think some expectations are non-negotiable for me. If they don’t want to write, they can call. Shooting off a quick email takes three minutes, and a handwritten note doesn’t take too long either. In fact, in my family, if one of my kids or one of my nieces or nephews has been sent a gift by myself or aunt/uncle, and no thanks has come in a certain time period, my brothers or I are apt to ask one another if it was received (we live in different states) because we all expect the gifts given to the kids to be acknowledged. My niece just graduated in Alaska and I got a handwritten card of thanks for her gifts. It would not have been OK if I had not and I likely would have asked my brother if the gifts were received and I am certain he would get on his kid’s case to send a note of appreciation. It is not acceptable to any of us within the family for anything less with the children of the family. We don’t get reluctance from our kids as this is expected and always has been.</p>
<p>Soozie - That’s exactly what happened with my college graduation gift to my niece - I sent her a nice check and also one from my mother (her grandmother), at my mom’s request, since I handle her finances at this point. When I received no acknowledgement, I asked my sister if her kid had received the gift and, in short order, my niece called to say she was sorry she hadn’t thanked me… she had “totally forgotten”… I am positive she was “prompted” by her mom to call me immediately after my question as to whether she received the gifts or not.</p>
<p>I guess I just see a huge difference between things that are “gifts” - such as for graduation, birthdays, etc., and even things like advice given, mentoring, an introduction, references and recommendations, a friendly favor - those sorts of things it is the practice in our house that we obsessively write thank you notes for (started out as policy: you don’t get to spend the money, eat the candy, whatever etc. until the thank you note is written - and is now automatic practice)… - and things that are EARNED, or conferred on the recipient as a result of their performance in the classroom or on the athletic field. </p>
<p>Laserbrother asks “is it a nice thing to do” - well, I guess, maybe, it is “nice”, but, in my mind, it’s something extended to the young lady because of her academic performance - she earned it. So a thank you note in this case strikes me as borderline obsequious. </p>
<p>I mean, should students also write thank you notes for NMS, high grades, val or sal status, etc.?</p>
<p>Mine did write thank you notes to college interviewers, but, that’s in a different category, more like mentoring…she also wrote thank you notes to specific high school teachers at time of graduation, but, my recollection is that those were more “thank you for all of your guidance over the past year(s)” vs. “thanks for giving me this award”…</p>