Oh goodness. Like @abasket , I’m not doubting you, but that’s just so hard for me to conceive of. I do hope you don’t vote.
I don’t want to stop caring but I need to detach a little more. Empathy can be exhausting, especially when there is so much need for it today.
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I don’t care about certain things such as what people think of me and trivial things like what someone else does if it doesn’t hurt anyone.
I have had to detach somewhat from the state of the country right now. I do not watch the news on TV. I do keep up online with newspapers. And I always vote.
I can’t stop caring about the future. But I do have to escape a bit.
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Voting is one thing I CAN do, and I certainly don’t do it blindly, just minus all the noise. I have never been accused of being uneducated.
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Definitely agree that there is a difference between setting boundaries, taking time out from news or social media (maybe even muting friends on FB whose chatter about whatever is affecting you negatively) and not caring/tuning into friends/family needs.
For me setting boundaries or limits does become a mental health necessity.
I think that what bothers me a little about how I read the original post is that it is presenting the concept of “quit caring” with being older. “Older” feel just around the corner sometimes these days and I feel sensitive to the idea that someone in their 80’s or younger or older should sort of disregard life around them (general statement) That is just my take!
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It should be up to the individual what they choose to put their energy into and it’s not open to judgment from others, who may put their energy into other endeavors.
Most people care about friends and family and their communities and that never ceases. The hate and violence which has escalated over the past few years, here in the U.S. and worldwide and the targeting of people because of their political views or religious beliefs is very disturbing and concerning - and to try to take all of that on is mentally and emotionally draining. Stepping away, either temporarily or permanently from exposure does not mean one doesn’t care. Not participating in protests doesn’t mean one doesn’t care about an issue. Choosing to be mellow later in life also doesn’t dictate the level of one’s compassion, nor does it take into account all of the caring and worrying that person did for the other 3/4 of their life.
For me, the events over the past few years as well as the seemingly daily reports of hate and violence start to take a toll. While I like to stay informed, I do take news breaks and social media breaks from certain platforms. I remind myself that most of what is happening is beyond my control and will happen whether or not I have a sleepless night over it. I focus on what I can control - supporting family, friends and my community - and getting out to vote - even when I know the vote will go the other way.
I am 100% in favor of choosing to chill later in life and I actually think letting go of the stress over things one can’t control has a good chance of extending one’s life span.
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I still care about everything, but the intensity of my caring has shifted.
I will always care about my daughter’s health and happiness. I will always be there if she needs or wants my advice. But she is an adult who is fully capable of making her own decisions. The world has changed and even though I care about and hope for her success, it’s a world she has to navigate on her own. I’ll always be her number one fan!
I will always care about my husband’s health and well-being. If that means micromanaging his health care, diet, exercise…so be it. I’m not going to let go of that because he can’t do it on his own.
In spite of everything he has done, I pray for my son everyday. He destroyed his own life and hurt all of us. It is so hard not to jump in and try to “fix things” but for my own sanity and personal boundaries I have had to stop caring so much about his life. I have to put on my own oxygen mask first.
I rarely watch television now but do read two newspapers daily and a number of substacks. I have recognized, however, that it is better to pick a few things to really care about than exhaust myself caring about everything. I ask where can I have an impact? Where can I do the most good?
I do care about things like china and holiday traditions. I’ve had my Spode on the table every dinner since Thanksgiving. I don’t care if I make it to the gym everyday, but I do care about my Pilates classes. I don’t care if I track my nutrition everyday or if I’m getting exactly the right amount of protein. It’s okay to go for a walk in the woods instead of a 6 mile run. I think I’ve quit caring about being the person I think people expect me to be and just being myself.
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Well said (to me) and a healthful way of looking at this topic. We probably all could give true-to-our-personal life examples like this.
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I am pretty good about letting the BIG things go. The news-worthy things. The world’s problems. Not necessarily because I don’t care (I watch some form of news daily), but because I recognize there isn’t much I can do in the grand scheme of things.
Honestly, I think that makes me care too much about the minutia in life. The things I perceive I can control.
As an example, ds will be here Sunday - he’s hosting a Christmas Eve Eve (December 23rd) gatherings for the high school friends at our home. We did this for the five years before we moved to Florida. We resurrected it when we moved back to Arkansas last year. I will care (and fret) about this! Will we have enough food? Will we run out of ice? Will my outfit pass the cuteness test of the young people? Ha ha! l know and love ALL these, “kids.” They seem to like me, too. But, I still want to make a good impression! Silly, I know, but I am a pleaser with perfectionist tendencies.
Because I cannot control the big stuff, I try to fervently control the little stuff. Delusion? Defense mechanism? I’m not sure what it is.
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I think people care about what’s important to them. At every stage of our lives we care about different things. When I was younger, I cared a lot about my job, my kids, my social circle. Now I don’t need to work any more, so I don’t care as much as my job. My kids are self supporting with their own families, so I am not sweating over every little ups and downs in their lives. What I care about more now is what I am going to do when I retire and about my health.
My mom is almost 90. She is very focused about her blood pressure, her doctor’s appointments, if her TV/computer is working…the list goes on. They are all little issues to me, but to her they are big deals.
We all have limited bandwidth in how many things we can deal with, so we choose what we want to care about.
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Fair enough; I obviously misinterpreted what you said about news.
Is it ok to quit caring about everything so much?
Yes.
Did that 6 yr ago when I got diagnosed with cancer. Life is, in a way, a little easier and simpler now. I no longer worry about things I cannot control (which is a lot).
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My initial thought when I saw the title was that it is not OK to stop caring about “everything”, but not sure that was what is meant. I probably still care too much about what people think but not as much as some others. I ran into someone I hadn’t seen in a long time at a store, have spent the day at the gym and then cleaning so certainly not looking “company ready” but not caring enough to clean up before running out (and thinking I wouldn’t see anyone I know). Not caring about what other people think or how they judge us is very freeing. I am not quite there yet, and still care how I am perceived.
However, caring about what is going on in this country and in the wider world is important to me. It is painful to see what is happening, but there are things individuals can do about it, to some extent. It is our country and standing up for what we believe in is important. I am not a news junkie, that is I don’t have cable news on 24/7, but listen to national radio, often watch national network news and read newspapers. I can contribute time and money to causes I believe in and help elect those that seem to be aligned with my views.
I agree, however, that if you care about every world problem, it can be overwhelming and lead to the feeling that things are so bad that nothing I can do will make a difference. Think globally, act locally may be a good way to think about it.
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I’m so tired from taking care of everyone that I really don’t have time to care about anything else. No, that’s not good…
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I am something of a news junkie. Here are a few things that I’ve learned to help “manage” the sense of hopelessness-
1- Voter registration. In my town, it takes 15 minutes to get certified as a voter registrar. You can get a list of your neighbors and see who is not registered- and I was shocked to see that list (they don’t tell you who is not registered- but since you likely know your neighbors, you can figure it out). It is a slog– people have all sorts of crazy reasons why they aren’t registered to vote, but if someone ISN’T registered, the likelihood of them voting next November is exactly zero. And convincing someone of the importance of a local issue (whether or not the town should revoke the requirement that new condo or apartment construction is required to have two designated parking spaces– if it gets revoked, nobody will EVER find a place to park near the library, town hall, movie theater, etc.) is a LOT easier than convincing someone that voting on national issues is important.
2-Volunteering. No organization ever has enough volunteers. But when the federal funding cuts (both DOGE related and the ones that came after that) came through, a lot of “jobs that people do” went away. Who knew that the children’s librarian who ran a popular story hour for 3 year olds was funded by the DOE? Who knew that the Spanish speaking receptionist at the local passport office who has helped hundreds of people (legitimate, US citizens) get a passport even if their English was shaky would get axed in the name of DEI? Who knew that the local free transportation service which took people to and from chemo was a HRSA funded initiative to increase access to medical care and reduce preventable deaths?
I have a recently retired friend who fills his wife’s minivan two days a week and drives total strangers to and from chemo. Some of them own cars– but don’t feel it’s safe to drive themselves after their treatment. Many of them have a spouse who works- who can’t keep taking time off for medical needs. All of them think my friend is a gift from god.
3- Stay informed about good things happening elsewhere so you can bring it home. There are places that are taking the “little library” concept and building canned goods libraries; places that have opened a “clothing shop” next door to a food pantry where all you need is a letter from a social worker to outfit your kids in winter coats and boots with no charge; etc. We all don’t need to reinvent the wheel.
So I no longer care about my extra 10 lbs or the dust bunnies behind my bedroom bureau. But there are other things to care about.
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I completely relate to this sentiment. The last nine years have been very challenging in every way and 2026 is already bringing some big, scary situations for my family. I have learned that I have to shut out things I can’t control to maintain my peace. I believe the difference I can make in the world is limited to how I treat people in my orbit and hope the ripples of kindness spread.
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