<p>Not calling shows utter disrespect. Casting blame on your parents for not walking down the road to the house to inform you of your curfew is outrageous. You chose not to call because you knew you that your parents would tell you to get home. Your behavior involving this incident says a lot about a lack of character and responsibility.</p>
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<p>Beside the point! Many of us (myself included) did things like this. So did some of our offspring. I deserved to be called on it, our kids deserved to be called on it, and so do you!</p>
<p>So take mature responsibility for your lack of consideration, apologize, do better, and make the best of this time at home before you are on your own time.</p>
<p>well everything worked out. we all agreed to work on our communication. now there is a set punishment for every time i do this. </p>
<p>To nysmile one incident doesnt say anything about my overall character and responsibility it was one incident (also the first time i missed curfew)</p>
<p>It’s not the missing the curfew that pointed to the reason for my response. It’s your thought process explained in this thread that brings me to my conclusion. </p>
<p>-Knew that your parent previously had set curfews yet you chose to ignore the possibility that this particular night may also have a curfew.
–Chose not to call knowing that your parents would have been upset
–Trying to deflect blame onto your parents
–Chose your desire for fun over respect for your parents</p>
<p>Perhaps now you can better understand a parent’s point of view. You say you’ve learned your lesson and have moved on. That’s a good sign. Just remember that the next time you go out, your parents will be home waiting for that phone call.</p>
<p>A major indicator of maturity as one transitions out of their teens is empathy. </p>
<p>Adults often call home and let their spouses and/or kids know if a scheduled arrival has changed. They do this out of consideration for their loved ones and because they would appreciate the same gesture if the roles were reversed…aka the Golden Rule.</p>
<p>Try to see the situation through your parents eyes. Better yet, project forward and put yourself in the role of a parent.</p>
<p>You can’t control other people’s mistakes. So your parents miscommunicated. Did you really think they gave you carte blanche to just stay out all night without calling home? Where is your common sense? Where are you brains? Where is your consideration for others? Where are you manners? I mean YOU, not your parents. I would have things to say to them as well, if they should ask, but YOU can only control what YOU do, and YOU did a lousy job and used poor judgment regardless of mistakes your parents may have made.</p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>We all want our kids to screw up in safe ways - which is what you did. It doesn’t mean you won’t get in trouble. It just means that you should remember how well “this” worked (trying to get away with something based on a technicality) the next time you consider doing “this” again.</p>
<p>Best of luck. Have fun and don’t worry your parents!</p>
<p>Chess</p>
<p>I don’t see how this kid finds his parents unreasonable. Last Sunday I went to a concert 1.5 hours away from home. I told my parents it would end at 11 and I would try to be home by 1. I called my dad at 1130 to tell him that I was still in the parking lot and traffic was not moving. By time I got home it was 2. I was greeted by my mom who said “You told me you were coming home at 12. why are you so late? I have to stay up and wait for you to come home.” Glad to see my mom listens and I was completely irresponsible.</p>
<p>I think it was a misunderstanding, simply, and I’m not going to take sides. It sounds like you’re ready for more independence and not having to call and tell your parents where you are all the time. I can understand that. On the other hand, it goes against our parent-brain-wiring to have our kids decide without notice that they’re going to sleep somewhere else that night. No way around that one. You should have called to let them know what you were doing… but they also sound a little suspicious when they have no reason to. That’s unfortunate. I could see my own kid being just spacey enough to do something similar, but I trust his good intentions… even if his execution occasionally leaves something to be desired.</p>
<p>Venkat - You did the right thing and I’m sure it was Mom’s love and fear for you talking. Even though it feels unfair, try to understand the worry she felt and be graceful, not defensive, about it. Sounds like Mom and Dad don’t have the midnight chats they once did! I’m sure if your dad wasn’t “sleep-talking” when you phoned he’ll vouch for you. </p>
<p>What I find surprising in John’s case is that his parents didn’t call his cell at all! Not that I agree with him or am judging them but, if one of my kids is 15 minutes later than I expect, I’m calling their cell to find out why. Or their friend, or their friend’s parents! (This rarely happens as they know I’ll only grant an extension if they ask before curfew is up and won’t risk it!) Waiting for a teenager until 2 am is unimaginable to me and would probably result in a drastic loss of social privileges for many months. You got off very easy!</p>
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<p>I agree. The few times my kids have missed curfew (or their friends have), it’s usually because they’re at a friends house and fell asleep watching TV or a movie. So if they’re not home at curfew, I call them. I’ve seen my share of kids falling asleep on our own sofa to know how easy it is to happen.</p>
<p>I also am much looser when it comes to being at a neighbor’s house after curfew. I would usually let it slide, but they were absolutely forbidden from going anywhere other than from the neighbor’s house to our home when they did leave. We just make exceptions when it’s within a block or so, and they were good about having someone watch them walk home, or walk home with them. But my kids also had a more reasonable curfew than 11PM; once they were sophomores in high school, it was midnight; during junior year, it was 1AM, and after they graduated, none. This didn’t excuse them from taking off and not letting us know where they were. We still expected (and they complied) that they let us know where they were. If they started out at one person’s house and went to anothers, then they were to text message me (then the phone doesn’t wake me up, although I am a night owl, so 90% of the time I was up when they got home) with details of changes in plan.</p>
<p>We never had curfew. But our kids knew that if they were going to be late they should let us know. If they planned to sleep at someone else’s house, they should let us know. They should let us know if they were not going to be home for dinner, if they were going out, etc… It’s not a matter of obeying curfews or being independent and about to go to college. It’s a matter of simple courtesy.
I find the tone of John’s post discourteous “They could have called me.” Good grief. They could also have told him to stay out for good.</p>
<p>There really seems to be no way for kids to understand real honest to goodness, nail biting, floor walking worry and how quickly it becomes anger when they walk through the door. A few years ago my D’s horse got sick and had to be rushed to an animal hospital in the middle of the night. As we were following the van to the hospital, I asked her how she felt and she said she just felt sick with worry. I told her that was what parents feel like when their kids are more than 10 minutes late getting home or calling. She said “Wow, that really sucks. I’m not having kids.”</p>
<p>^^LOL! One horse to worry about is enough. Who needs kids on top of that?</p>
<p>John, you’re dumb. I mean, my parents are annoying like that. Not say what time to come home and say “I told you this” when they didn’t, but its TWO AM! Its just a responsible common sense thing to do… to call your parents, people who you’d expect to want to know where you are when its getting late. Also, your parents are lucky that you don’t do drugs? Baby, your parents aren’t wanting you to not do drugs for them. They want you to stay away from drugs for YOUR OWN sake. The fact that you think you’re doing your PARENTS a favor by not doing drugs shows that you’re still irresponsible. Hence you need your parents telling you not to do drugs. You’re too immature to know not to do it yourself. </p>
<p>Well, hopefully you have learned your lesson. Its okay to be mad at your parents, but now you know what to do to keep it from happening again.</p>
<p>You should not wait for her to call to set a time…you should call her. tell her you weren’t doing anything wrong. You almost stayed and didn’t …tell her you realize instead of waiting for a phone call you should ahve called and clarified what your plan was well before the 11:00 time. Just apologize. In the future be much more communicative because that is what parents want. ALWAYS call around 10 to say, I am here at x’s house watching t.v. Would be ok if i stayed here tonight since the movie will go late? or would you rather I stay here…
trust me–if you communicate, they will losen up.</p>
<p>To put the shoe on the other foot, I never had a curfew because I never really stayed out late in high school, so my parents never really had a chance to sit up late worrying and fuming and getting irritated at my lack of communication.</p>
<p>Fast forward a few years, I’m home from grad school and my divorced dad says he’s going to a party at a friend’s, so I’m on my own for the evening. I say okay. It’s midnight and he’s still not home, so I give him a call to make sure he’s okay. He says that they’ve been drinking and that he’s going to stick around for a while to sober up before he heads home. I say that’s fair, and that I’ll see him in a bit. I wait to make sure that he gets home okay. The clock hits two, then it hits four. Furious, I finally decide to call him to make sure he’s not dead. He answers the phone, groggy as all getup, and says, “Well, yeah, of course I’m okay! We’re all gonna go get breakfast in a couple of hours…” and I hang up on him. He apologized later.</p>
<p>So be glad that your kids have all pulled stuff like this, and that you’re all attuned to the sensitivity of staying out late, so that you’ll never turn around and do this to your kids! ;)</p>
<p>aibarr, what goes around comes around… lol</p>
<p>lafalum, I wish!! If I’d known he was going to pull that years later, I’d have lived it up a little when I had the chance to get in trouble for it!! ;)</p>