<p>I missed my “curfew” last night. The reason for the “” is because before I went out I was never told a time to come back, my parents said they would call me on my cell phone. Time passed and I never received a phone call. So I stayed out and was gonna spend the night at my friends then I decided Id rather sleep in my bed rather than on the floor. So I decided to come home and low and behold my parents were up asking why I came back so late (it was about 2 am). I told them I was at my friends house and we just watched tv and I never got a call from them so i was gonna spend the night but decide to come home. Then my mom said “I told you to be home by 11!” She never told me that. I had my phone the entire time and it was on. So assuming I am telling the truth how should I respond. </p>
<p>I was thinking of saying something like “You could have called me and you know it. I wasnt drinking or doing anything illegal I was a phone call away. Also you have no idea how lucky you are that I have enough respect for myself to not drink or do drugs. I am pretty responsible to considering I work my fulltime job and do all my school work. I am just a kid and like to spend time with my friends.”</p>
<p>Imo it was unreasonable of you to assume that, since your parents didn’t call, there was absolutely no curfew and you could stay out all night if you chose. Very very few parents would allow that and it sounds like you could reasonably know that your parents are not among those very very few.</p>
<p>Imo it would have been more reasonable to assume that, since they did not contact you, a “normal” curfew would be in force.</p>
<p>Therefore, I think that an appropriate response would be to apologize for being so late and to say that next time, if the same situation were to come up again, you would promise to call them to find out what the curfew is. </p>
<p>It’s better, though, imo to have an agreed upon curfew before you go out.</p>
<p>If my kid ever pondered sleeping at a friend’s without asking permission first he’d be in serious trouble. </p>
<p>Your phone works two ways, right? It’s not just the parent’s responsibility to impose boundaries, it’s also the kid’s responsibility to know what they are. And if you think you don’t have any boundaries, then think again. Call home and ask.</p>
<p>If you were my son here’s what I’d want to hear:</p>
<p>“Mom, I’m sorry I came home late. I didn’t know I had a curfew. I didn’t hear you give me one. Next time I promise to find out what my curfew is. But, would you please promise to call me when you think I’m running late?”</p>
<p>I don’t recommend reminding your parents what a good kid you are. They already know and it could come off as arrogant.</p>
<p>actually im pretty sure they think i drink or do drugs which frankly i dont get why they would think that because I dont. Is that a normal parent thing to assume if your kid is late he must be doing something illegal?</p>
<p>Does your curfew change every time you go out ?
2 am is not okay , and I wouldn’t tolerate it either.
Being a good kid that works full time is no excuse and wouldn’t get you off the hook with me. Anyway , doesn’t your town / city / state have a curfew, assuming that you are under 18 ?</p>
<p>At my house, we have a general rule of courtesy that applies to every adult in the home (and my younger son is 20 and an adult). If one is going to be home late – midnight or after – one calls home to let family know. That way, no one will worry about you. By “worry” i mean be concerned that you’ve had an accident, been assaulted, etc. If someone wants to use drugs or do similar things, one doesn’t have to be out late to do those things. </p>
<p>It wouldn’t be OK for anyone to decide to sleep out without letting someone at home know. </p>
<p>In your situation, I think that you need to either get clear rules from your parents about what your curfew is or you need to have your parents agree to the kind of policy that we have in my home.</p>
<p>my biggest issue with this whole situation is if they were genuinely worried I was five houses down on the same street! They could have easily walked down to see if I was there.</p>
<p>Sorry, but I think it’s very inconsiderate to put your parents in a position in which they’d need to get up in the middle of the night to check on you. </p>
<p>It would have been far easier - and far more courteous – for you to have called your parents to let them know about when you’d get home, and to check about whether that late hour was OK with them.</p>
<p>Your comment in post #9 also indicates to me why your parents were so angry at you.</p>
<p>Sorry I didnt mean to come off that way. Im just upset. I realize I should have called and Im responsible for my actions. But I just think they as parents have some responsibility as well. They said when I came home I had to be back at 11 that isnt that late and my dad could have just walked half a block. Also they have the number to the home and they could have called the house. It just seems like Im the kid so it should be expected I screw up from time to time but I feel they failed in their responsibility as a parent in this situation. </p>
<p>By the way I realize this sounds incredibly conceded and it is not meant to be at all. Its just the best way I can think of describing my feelings.</p>
And you could just as easily have walked home and asked if you could stay. Feet, as well as phones, work both ways.</p>
<p>You’re obviously looking for parents to say “Oh, poor baby! How could your parents be so unreasonable?” Wrong forum for that, my friend. </p>
<p>You knew you had “a” curfew. You just didn’t know what it was. You should have called and asked. Period. If you want to be treated like an adult, start acting like one. It is your responsibility to know what the rules are.</p>
<p>I’m with all the other parents. I would never think of staying over somewhere overnight without having the courtesy of letting the people who care about me know where I was – and I’m the adult in the house. Good grief.</p>
<p>Communication, communication, communication. I have 3 kids and have been through this various times. As parents, we worry! As younger folks, you want your freedom. (Are you going to college next year?)</p>
<p>We have told our kids to just let us know what is going on. A text, voice mail or phone call is all we ask. The least you can do is let your parents know where you are. I suspect you did not want to be told to come home. If you are going away to college next year (ie, in a few weeks), you might want to point out that you will have no curfew at college and that maybe 11:00 is a bit too strict. Try to negotiate. As I said --communication.</p>
<p>sorry, bud. You **may **have been technically correct in taking literally what your parents said or didn’t say (or what you heard or didn’t hear). But I suspect that you “knew” that 2 am was stretching things. Courtesy requires a call. Whatever rules or expectations that are in place in your home have requirements, too.</p>