I used to go to SUNY Fred updtate and stayed there for two years under the guise of getting a bs in biology. It turned out to be a major that I wasn’t any good at, and I ended up changing my major several times. I was seven hours away from home and I was having a lot of instability concerning my mental health. I transferred to liu which was a bad start because of it’s extremely high tuition. I was drawn in by their geography b.a and equine science minor. At first, the first semester of my junior year was good. I got good grades. However, the school messed up my core classes because they kept putting me in the geology major and not geography. When that was finally resolved, it seemed to get worse from there.
The second semester, I didn’t do as good. I had to drop my equine science minor because I wouldn’t be able to graduate on time since the minor was so new and classes were spread out. Then my geography major got cut. There weren’t enough classes for it and I had to make substitutions. We already had to pay 50K a year for this school. My family grew concerned about my major because it seemed like a dead end major. Especially for “someone of African american descent and as a woman.”
I began to listen to my family because I knew they were right. I had no plan as far as a career path and took this on a whim. It was at this point I had told my therapist on campus that I had tried to kill myself on campus grounds. They sent me to a psych ward for two weeks, and with documentation, I was able to get back into school. Last semester (my first senior year), I was on academic probation. I was really motivated to do well. I was socializing more, I studied and spoke with my professors if I had a problem. My depression wasn’t getting in the way. I ended up with an A, C, C+, C and a D. Not enough to pull up my GPA…I am again on academic probation for my possibly final semester and I hate myself because of all the debt I’ve put on my family due to this expensive school. My best wasn’t enough last semester. I’m too far into my degree to change my major- a major that I don’t think I’ll do anything with and I’m constantly reminded of it.
I work part time and have worked in the past, but I’m so anxiety ridden to be thrown into the ‘real world’. I’ve given up working and my minor that I loved in order to work harder on school- but what if my best isn’t enough like last semester? I’ve given up everything, my depression is coming back and taking a semester off is too late now, School starts in a few days. I’ve ruined my academic life and possibly my financial one. I feel like such a failure- like everything I do is mediocre no matter how hard I try. I have to push past this though. I have no choice.
You haven’t ruined anyone’s life so take a deep breath.
Please try to take care of your mental health and don’t be so hard on yourself. While this may not be the path you would have chosen, you will get through this.
Big huge hugs from this mom are coming your way. Be kind to yourself.
Thank you…
I try to think positively but it’s difficult given the circumstances. I feel like I’ve come a long way, but the road ends at a cliff instead of somewhere pleasant.
This is too much for you to handle on your own. Can you talk to your counselor and come up with a plan? Your mental health comes FIRST.
Life is not a race. Take care of yourself! You can succeed but you need to pace yourself. I have three kids who have struggled with some type of mental illness, so I understand a little of what you’re going through. Therapy and meds have been an important part of their progress, but it hasn’t been easy for any of them. A lot more people than you realize feel the same way you do. Hugs!!
It sounds like you love horses. You don’t need a degree in equine science to work with horses. You can consider doing this kind of work for a while and then going back to school to get another degree. While it might seem now that you’ve wasted your college years on a geography degree, you can’t really know what knowledge may come handy in the future. Maybe it will end up being useful. And if not, no big deal either, people switch careers all the time. My boss has a degree in music and now works with computers.
I think most people have this feeling at least sometimes, that everything they do is not good enough. Don’t let it stop you, find what you like to do and you will become better and better at it. And in the meantime take care of yourself and get a lot of academic and mental health help. Good luck!
I feel so sad for you. My son is actually at Fred now. We couldn’t afford LIU, although he got in.
I am unclear as to what your current major is. My feeling is that you should continue in counseling and finish up your degree. You can look for a job doing something you love - just having a college degree will help. If you love horses, maybe you can work at Belmont or get a certificate to work as a vet tech or assistant. There are also a couple of places where they give horse riding lessons to kids with disabilities on the Island.
Meanwhile, you are almost done. Don’t worry about the student loans now. You have a deferral period of six months after you graduate and you can try to consolidate them or work something else out.
Thank you all for the support. I just have to figure something out in this little time I have. I’m going to try my best this semester- I’m really hoping I make the grades to bump up my gpa. I was thinking of splitting the class load I am doing into another semester, but there might be a problem getting the needed financial aid. I’m going to speak to my advisers.
Just a thought - can you take anything pass/fail? If you can, that might alleviate the pressure on you GPA wise. Do you need to bump it up for a particular reason or do you just need to graduate?
Put one foot in front of the other and finish your degree. Take it one day at a time. Use stress reduction techniques when things go haywire. You will have a BA or a BS. Most people’s jobs have little to do with their major. BTW it is almost impossible to make a living working with horses. Better to ride in your spare time. Hugsz
Continue with your mental health professional first and come up with an employment/educational plan that you can live with. If you are mentally in tatters, taking another 15 units will be torture.