ivy college jokes

[conwoman]

<p>How many Princeton students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two -- one to mix the martinis and one to call the electrician.</p>

<p>How many Brown students does it take to change a lightbulb? Eleven -- one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.</p>

<p>How many Penn students does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but he gets six credits for it.</p>

<p>How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb? None -- New Haven looks better in the dark.</p>

<p>How many Harvard students does it take to change a lightbulb? One -- he holds the bulb and the world revolves around him.</p>

<p>How many Dartmouth students does it take to change a lightbulb? None -- Hanover doesn't have electricity.</p>

<p>How many Cornell students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two -- One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.</p>

<p>How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb? Seventy-six -- one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb's right to not change, and twenty-five to hold a counter-protest.</p>

[qtip]

<p>I don't get the brown joke.</p>

[mr_sanguine]

<p>cause brown is the liberal, hippy, spiritual, go barefoot (or if you want naked) ivy. </p>

<p>At least thats the stereotype :)</p>

[hannanaq]

<p>ROFL!!!!!
those jokes were awesome
hahahhahaha</p>

[vivaldi87]

<p>Hilarious, although I disagree with the Yale one. I can appreciate the architecture better in the daytime. Or at least in the evening. ;)</p>

[masamune]

<p>LOL the cornell one is hilarious.</p>

<p>cornellians are over-worked :(</p>

[sucharita]

<p>Princeton's obviously found the sensible way of doing things :D</p>

[UCLAri]

<p>These are great, I'd like to add a couple of West Coast ones:</p>

<p>How many UCLA students does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. -- One to hold the lightbulb, one to whine about it, and one to hire someone else to do it. </p>

<p>How many Stanford students does it take to change a lightbulb? One, dude.</p>

<p>How many CalTech students does it take to change a lightbulb? -- Two. One to do it, and another to explain how they did it as well as the MIT students.</p>

[qtip]

<p>This stuff is based on the following premesis. The year is 2020. College tuition is sky rocketing (let's say 80,239 per year). Colleges come up with slogans to get kids to come to their colleges...</p>

<p>BROWN: Hey kids! Is half of your head shaved? Do you have a nose ring? Are you terribly progressive and do you have a lot of empathy? Are you sick and tired of silly things like grades and majors? COME TO BROWN!!! </p>

<p>COLUMBIA: Hey kids! Do you like Harlem? Do you like commuters? Are you planning on transferring to another Ivy school after your freshman year? COME TO COLUMBIA!!! </p>

<p>BRANDEIS: Hey kids! Were you a loser in your high school? Are you ugly... and fat? Do you love soap operas? Do you want to live in one? Do you like to study your ass off and never get good grades? Are you Jewish? Are you willing to convert? Well, if you are, then COME TO BRANDEIS!!! </p>

<p>VASSAR: Hey kids! Did you get rejected from Brown? Hey! So did we! Are you gay? Do you want to be? Aren't you dying to know if that SPIN article was true??? (women- Of course it wasn't!.....men- aww yeah!!!) Come help us put the "ass" in Vassar! COME TO VASSAR!!! </p>

<p>PENN: Hey kids! Did you like high school a lot? How about four more years of the same? Are you dying to visit scenic West Philadelphia? Does the concept of rigorous academics scare you? COME TO PENN!!! </p>

<p>CORNELL: Hey kids! Do you hate intimacy? Are you interested in jumping off high places? Have you ever wanted to converse with future hotel managers? Do you like bureaucracy? Do you like archaic forms and the chance to stand in lines with the best and brightest? COME TO CORNELL!!!</p>

<p>M.I.T.: Hey kids! Are you a freakish nerd? Do you want to be? Do you hate doing anything that doesn't involve math? That's right, math! Math, math, math, math, math! COME TO M.I.T.!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!</p>

[thinkjose1]

<p>Those were all great/</p>

[lki]

<p>dude, 80k a year is pretty optimistic.
If you take stanford's current comprehensive costs of 44.5k, and assume 4.5% growth over 15 years (which is actually BELOW the historical average), that's 87k+ in 2020</p>

[arp6487]

<p>haha........those are great</p>

[tycew]

<p>Here's a list I saw recently of Ivy League wake-ups. It's by memory, so forgive me the paraphrases:</p>

<p>Brown -
Wake up, smoke breakfast, say prayer for no grade system.</p>

<p>Harvard -
Wake up, bathe in glow of undeserved reputation.</p>

<p>Penn -
Wake up, give Bob the bum a dime, check transfer papers.</p>

<p>Yale -
Wake up, floss teeth, come out of closet.</p>

<p>Princeton -
Wake up. Feel like a geek. Dress the part.</p>

<p>Cornell -
Wake up. Sober up. Cry.</p>

[qtip]

<p>Wait, I thought Cornell kids just jumped off bridges...they drink too?</p>

<p>And I don't get the Yale one...lol. I'm really bad with jokes that are based on stereotypes.</p>

[anisky]

<p>The Yale one= "One in four, maybe more"</p>

[barski222]

<p>Yale used to be known as the "gay ivy." The joke is pretty out of date now (though I've heard that there is an active lgbt community). </p>

<p>Surprisingly, for me PERSONALLY the "grass was greener" at Yale than Brown (I was even at Brown on 4:20!). Then again, my host at Brown did have some greenery growing in his closet. So I guess it goes both ways?!</p>

[Praguer]

<p><a href="http://www.SafetySchool.org%5B/url%5D"&gt;www.SafetySchool.org&lt;/a> </p>

<p>Check this out</p>

[sucharita]

<p><a href="http://www.gradeinflation.org%5B/url%5D"&gt;www.gradeinflation.org&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>wonder who owns this one :p</p>

[sucharita]

<p>
[quote]
This stuff is based on the following premesis. The year is 2020. College tuition is sky rocketing (let's say 80,239 per year). Colleges come up with slogans to get kids to come to their colleges...

[/quote]
</p>

<p>here are Harvard, Princeton, Yale and Dartmouth :p</p>

<p>HARVARD: Hey kids! Do you hate teachers? I mean really hate them? Do you
never want to have another teacher again? And what about a social life? Do
you hate that, too? COME TO HARVARD!!!</p>

<p>PRINCETON: Hey kids! Do you have any idea what the hell an eating club is?
Are you pompous? Can you learn to be? Have you always dreamed of living in
the great state of New Jersey? COME TO PRINCETON!!!</p>

<p>YALE: Hey kids! Do you want to get shot? COME TO YALE!!!</p>

<p>DARTMOUTH: Hey kids! Do you hate civilization? Looking to get away from
stuff like culture and people? Do you like to drink? Do you like to drink
some more? Do you like to continue to drink? And what's your feeling on
drinking? COME TO DARTMOUTH!!!</p>

[conwoman]

<p>LOL...i like the harvard/pton/yale/dartmouth one</p>