Ivy League Ranked Phonetically

CautiousPessimism · February 20, 2006, 11:33pm

I found this from the old CC forum, written by jazzyjeff. Good stuff :).

Okay, lets forget about educational quality, graduation rates, student happiness, suicide rates, alumni giving and US News rankings. Instead, lets focus on whats really important. For the rest of your life, people will ask you where you went to college.

What sounds best as your response? I dont mean whats most impressive from the standpoint of prestige. There are enough other threads on this board about that unimportant stuff. Instead, I mean what SOUNDS best? What is going to be pleasant coming out of your mouth? Youre going to be saying this word a lot for a long, long time. It should at least sound good.

Here are the eight Ivy League colleges ranked phonetically.

<li>BROWN</li>
</ol>

Im sorry. The short, blunt sound. The soft br consonant and the round ow diphthong vowel. This is the clear loser in the Ivy League. Brown is also hurt by the fact that its a color – the fact that the color is an unattractive one – the fact that the unattractive color is associated with a personal human function. I mean, if the school in Providence were called Aqua or Chartreuse, that would be awesome. But Brown just doesnt cut it.

<li>PENN</li>
</ol>

From a phonetic standpoint, all the one-syllable schools are at a disadvantage. Just too curt. Brusque. If you werent paying attention, youd miss it entirely. Penn ranks above Brown because its not a color, but its still hurt by the fact that its a word. And a pedestrian word at that. Any word for an object that people dont really mind losing does not connote value. The folks in West Philadelphia have long complained about the confusion with Penn State. I say its time for an upgrade. Lets go for two syllables. Why not aim for the top? Rename it Porsche.

<li>YALE</li>
</ol>

By far the best of the one-syllable names by virtue of the fact that its not also a word. But starting off with a y is not as sharp as, you know, a real consonant. Yale almost sounds like half of a name. Now Vail or Shale would sound cool. Even Bail has a certain positive tough guy sound. Sadly, Yale doesnt quite get there.

<li>COLUMBIA</li>
</ol>

A huge step up from the one-syllable names but Columbia almost goes too far. Its so long that it almost sounds like a sentence. How about this exchange? What did you do last night, Bob? Columbia. I see. But it does have a certain flowing, almost mellifluous quality. Like I said, Columbia draws the dividing line between the bad Ivy names and the good Ivy names, and its on the good side of the line.

<li>CORNELL</li>
</ol>

Now youre starting to get to the high rent district. The two-syllable names are long enough to have a personality but still short enough to be strong and powerful. But Corn is a weak way to start off the name. Again, a bit too pedestrian. Suggests Soybean or Wheat. Neither of these two would be a good name for a university.

<li>HARVARD</li>
</ol>

Some people consider the Big Three to be HYP, and therefore Harvard is a two-time winner. Its also in the Phonetic Big Three. The v is a unique, clearly identifying consonant. However, like the round ow sound in Brown, Harvard is hurt a bit by the round ar vowel. Not just once, but twice. And dont even get me started about pronouncing it with a Boston accent. But still no apologies for Harvard. A distinctive, strong sounding name.

<li>DARTMOUTH</li>
</ol>

Extremely difficult to differentiate among the Phonetic Big Three. The D is an excellent, sharp consonant to start off with. The T is also a superb ending consonant. Very resonant. Trails off after that, though, to the slightly weaker mouth at the end. Not a great sound, especially the way its pronounced meth in this context. But overall, ranks right up there.

<li>PRINCETON</li>
</ol>

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner. A very, very close call over Dartmouth and Harvard. But gets the nod due to the strong starting Pr consonant package and because ton is the sharpest and best of all the two syllable names second halves. Bonus points because Prince, like its namesake, simply sounds regal. Theres a reason The Princeton Review is not called The Brown Review. Crisp, clean and refreshing, Princeton has it all.

hotpiece101 · February 20, 2006, 11:37pm

hahahhaha…

bobbobbob · February 20, 2006, 11:58pm

personally, columbia, harvard and dartmouth just sound ivy league.

Coquettish · February 21, 2006, 6:39am

Poor Brown :-(

FreshElephant · February 21, 2006, 4:21pm

I will admit, Princeton sounds so… elite or something Good kind of elite

machiavelli · February 21, 2006, 4:24pm

lmao that was… refreshing :)

zoogies · February 21, 2006, 5:32pm

Yale: “Bail” is also a word.

I disagree with the placement of Harvard and Dartmouth. Mouth is such an ugly, ugly sound, even pronounced meth. Dart is too blunt and brusque. The ‘round’ ar sound isn’t bad at all - in fact, it could be easily translated into affected French snooty laughter (a very guttural haaaaarrrr, as in ‘excuse me while I cough up some spit upon your pitiful self’) or produced in the old Boston, colonial way (hahhhhhh). Either way, it’s a very authoritatively sounding name.

Princeton definitely does take the cake though.

I would rank them Princeton, Harvard, Cornell, Yale, Columbia, Dartmouth, Brown, and UPenn. UPenn is just too complicated. Its full name is University of Pennsylvania, and it has to be abbreviated, and then there’s the question of Penn or U-Penn?

This is a supremely cool list, though. Props to jazzyjeff.

IVYPoison · February 21, 2006, 6:05pm

wharton sounds goodie good tho.

Coquettish · February 21, 2006, 6:13pm

Dartmouth makes me think of fish, smelly ones with big mouths…lol.

bobbobbob · February 21, 2006, 6:20pm

but those in the know dont pronounce it dart-mouth…we pronounce it dart-muth.

sounds good.,

system · February 21, 2006, 6:42pm

Nice way of saying:

Princeton>Other Ivy League Schools!

I’d put Columbia a little higher though… it has the most syllables. :)

Brown, not an attractive name at all for what turns out to be a sweet university!

Coquettish · February 21, 2006, 6:53pm

Oooh, I don’t pronounce Dartmouth DART-MOUTH…I use the “meth” pronounciation just like the rest of the world. However! The name makes me think of green trout…no idea why. Whatev…I got into Wellesley!

SEWcurious · February 21, 2006, 8:38pm

This is the funniest thing I’ve read on CC

masamune · February 22, 2006, 12:51am

For me, it’s:

<ol>
<li>UPenn</li>
<li>Brown</li>
<li>Columbia</li>
<li>Dartmouth</li>
<li>Cornell</li>
<li>Yale</li>
<li>Harvard</li>
<li>Princeton</li>
</ol>

amnesia · February 22, 2006, 7:41am

dartmouth sounds the coolest imo

i agree, Brown U is pretty crappy of a name… doesn’tmatter, it’s a great school!!

JTC007 · February 22, 2006, 9:26am

Lol that list is hilarious. I would have switched Cornell and Columbia because, as much as I like Cornell, it still starts with the word “Corn” :p

crimsondreams · February 22, 2006, 9:45am

I think Harvard has the strongest sounding name, but it’s probably just me. I hate the name Cornell, it makes me think of corn too :o

Goldfish · February 22, 2006, 11:13am

Another reason why I don’t want to go to Dartmouth/

takeme2cali · February 22, 2006, 11:22am

my personal ranking:

Princeton - no need to explain this one
Harvard - short but sounds prestigious
Columbia - it’s a good name, and I lke the flowing quality to it
*2 and 3 are interchangeable, esp. since I live just outside Boston… so when the Bostonians get speaking… it’s not far from fingernails on chalkboard
Cornell - nice round sound, the “nell” part finishes it off nicely
UPenn - the U in front ads a nice touch - I like it.
Yale - Plain… but not painful to the ears
Brown - bad connotation, yet… still not painful to the ears
Dartmouth - painful to the ears, as well as a pain to speak, plus it seems like no one can agree on how it’s pronounced either. For the record, I say Dar-meth with emphasis on the AR because who actually pronounces the “T”?

JTC007 · February 22, 2006, 11:38am

Most people do pronounce the “t”, but it is a very soft one. It doesn’t break the flow entirely…just enough. I think it is a very nice word–I don’t think of fish at all :p

Lol it is funny that one’s ranking of the phonetics is still based on their preconcieved notion of the school. For example, Oxford sounds very prestegious and scholarly to me, but that is only because it is. If it were Oxford Community College, it might not have that ring. Nonetheless, I think this is an amusing analysis.

Ivy League Ranked Phonetically

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