Ivy League Universities Ranked PHONETICALLY

Colleges & Universities Princeton University
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<p>This is one of my all-time favorite posts, originally written by “JazzyJeff.” It deserves the occasional reprise.</p>

<p>Okay, let’s forget about educational quality, graduation rates, student happiness, suicide rates, alumni giving and US News rankings. Instead, let’s focus on what’s really important. For the rest of your life, people will ask you where you went to college. </p>

<p>What sounds best as your response? I don’t mean what’s most impressive from the standpoint of prestige. There are enough other threads on this board about that unimportant stuff. Instead, I mean what SOUNDS best? What is going to be pleasant coming out of your mouth? You’re going to be saying this word a lot for a long, long time. It should at least sound good. </p>

<p>Here are the eight Ivy League colleges ranked phonetically.</p>

<li> BROWN</li>
</ol>

<p>I’m sorry. The short, blunt sound. The soft “br” consonant and the round “ow” diphthong vowel. This is the clear loser in the Ivy League. “Brown” is also hurt by the fact that it’s a color – the fact that the color is an unattractive one – the fact that the unattractive color is associated with a personal human function. I mean, if the school in Providence were called “Aqua” or “Chartreuse,” that would be awesome. But “Brown” just doesn’t cut it.</p>

<li> PENN</li>
</ol>

<p>From a phonetic standpoint, all the one-syllable schools are at a disadvantage. Just too curt. Brusque. If you weren’t paying attention, you’d miss them entirely. “Penn” ranks above “Brown” because it’s not a color, but it’s still hurt by the fact that it’s a word. And a pedestrian word at that. Any word for an object that people don’t really mind losing does not connote value. The folks in West Philadelphia have long complained about the confusion with Penn State. I say it’s time for an upgrade. Let’s go for two syllables. Why not aim for the top? Rename it “Porsche.”</p>

<li> YALE</li>
</ol>

<p>By far the best of the one-syllable names by virtue of the fact that it’s not also a word. But starting off with a “y” is not as sharp as, you know, a real consonant. “Yale” almost sounds like half of a name. Now “Vail” or “Shale” would sound cool. Even “Bail” has a certain positive tough guy sound. Sadly, “Yale” doesn’t get there.</p>

<li> COLUMBIA</li>
</ol>

<p>A huge step up from the one-syllable names but “Columbia” almost goes too far. It’s so long that it almost sounds like a sentence. How about this exchange? “What did you do last night, Bob?” “Columbia.” “I see.” But it does have a certain flowing, almost mellifluous quality. Like I said, “Columbia” draws the dividing line between the bad Ivy names and the good Ivy names, and it’s on the good side of the line. </p>

<li> CORNELL</li>
</ol>

<p>Now you’re starting to get to the high rent district. The two-syllable names are long enough to have a personality but still short enough to be strong and powerful. But “Corn” is a weak way to start off the name. Again, a bit too pedestrian. Suggests “Soybean” or “Wheat.” Neither of these two would be a good name for a university.</p>

<li> HARVARD</li>
</ol>

<p>Some people consider HYP to be the Big Three, and therefore Harvard is a two-time winner. It’s also in the Phonetic Big Three. The “v” is a unique, clearly identifying consonant. However, like the round “ow” sound in “Brown,” “Harvard” is hurt a bit by the round “ar” vowel. Not just once, but twice. And don’t even get me started about pronouncing it with a Boston accent. But still no apologies for “Harvard.” A distinctive, strong sounding name.</p>

<li> DARTMOUTH</li>
</ol>

<p>Extremely difficult to differentiate among the Phonetic Big Three. The “D” is an excellent, sharp consonant to start off with. The “t” is also a superb ending consonant. Very resonant. Trails off after that, though, to the slightly weaker “mouth” at the end. Not a great sound, especially the way it’s pronounced “meth” in this context. But overall, ranks right up there.</p>

<li> PRINCETON</li>
</ol>

<p>Ladies and gentlemen, your winner. A very close call over “Dartmouth” and “Harvard.” But gets the nod due to the strong starting “Pr” consonant package and because “ton” is the sharpest and best of all the two syllable names’ second halves. Bonus points because “Prince,” like its namesake, simply sounds regal. There’s a reason “The Princeton Review” is not called “The Brown Review.” Crisp, clean and refreshing, “Princeton” has it all.</p>

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<p>love the part ‘There’s a reason “The Princeton Review” is not called “The Brown Review.”’</p>

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<p>Overall, seems accurate.</p>

<p>However, Cornell NEEDS to be ranked last. It reminds me of corn stool.</p>

<p>Brown and Cornell should switch.</p>

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<p>Well, you’ve got to remember that any ranking system has its flaws and must be taken with a grain of salt. Just because a school has the best name does not mean that the school is great. There are plenty of state schools out there with nice names, and remember, when choosing a school, name isn’t everything… ;)</p>

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<p>I think Yale and Columbia are underranked here.</p>

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<p>Clearly, the ranker is biased against Yale in not considering the positive connotation with “hell Yeaaa”. Consider this thread officially boycotted!</p>

<p>I like Columbia even above Princeton, but that’s probably due to my accent. Coll-ahm-beya.</p>

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<p>Columbia is severely underranked here. It should be ranked above Cornell and Harvard.</p>

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<p>I would say</p>

<p>1 Princeton
2 Yale
3 Cornell
4 Dartmouth
5 Harvard
6 Brown
7 Columbia
8 Penn</p>

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<p>Can’t we all just agree that Princeton sounds the best ;)</p>

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<p>1 Dartmouth
2 Princeton
3 Brown
4 Columbia
5 Harvard
6 Yale
7 University of Pennsylvania
8 Cornell</p>

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<ol>
<li>Princeton</li>
<li>Columbia</li>
<li>Cornell</li>
<li>Harvard</li>
<li>Yale</li>
<li>University of Pennsylvania</li>
<li>Dartmouth</li>
<li>Brown</li>
</ol>

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<p>if you translate Havard into chinese, it sounds much better than any the other ivys. </p>

<p>maybe that’s why chinese people are so hung up on harvard ;)</p>

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<p>Harvard = 哈佛
哈 means “smile” and 佛 means “Buddha.” It seems to be a nice fit for many Buddhists.</p>

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<p>haha see! :)</p>

<p>Princeton is just too long in chinese, no offense I LOVE Princeton.</p>

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<p>the chinese love HPY the most. then columbia. i don’t think brown and dartmouth are even known. LOL. Penn is “becoming” very popular (maybe b/c of wharton) and Stanford is very well known and it’s not an ivy. MIT is okay… but every1 pretty knows that u have to be good in math</p>

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<p>^^^ Umm, read the thread title. This was a phonetic ranking.</p>

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<p>Hahaha…I think the conversation is veering off the original topic.</p>

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<p>Changing Penn to Porsche would be fun and the trademark-infringement lawsuits would be a boon for Penn Law (err, Porsche Law), but changing the whole uni’s name to Wharton makes for a very phonetically pretty name…harvard, princeton, wharton…it fits ;)</p>

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<p>But you have to also remember that the first syllable in Wharton sounds uncomfortably similar to a pretty disdainful word. They are money grubbing whores, after all ;-)</p>

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<p>well since we’re going far too into this, i should point out that the phonetic distinction between Whar- and whore depends on one’s accent. Some English dialects will clearly differentiate between the two…others make them sound the same</p>

<p>fittingly, i think that of The Donald is in the latter ;)</p>