OP: Taking advantage of the opportunities offered at these elite out of state schools may position you to help your family in the future, financially and otherwise. In that sense it is not a selfish decision at all.
Sometimes eldest siblings, with very good paying jobs, help younger siblings with college costs, or are able to provide support to parents when they need it.
OP should probably talk to a financial aid officer at one of her desired schools. If the FA package is already on the table, then presumably it’s a done deal for freshman year and nothing else is needed.
During freshman year OP will likely turn 18 if she isn’t already, and won’t need parental permission to do anything. In her shoes I’d just confirm with the FA office that parental signatures on forms for future years aren’t necessary, and verify that she can be considered by the school as being financially independent after a year with no parental support. Also confirm that the full-ride offer is for all four years, of course.
Personally, I’d happily accept the package, pack my bags, and hop a bus for Penn or Hopkins.
Yes, they are very controlling, but you need their financial information if you want to claim those scholarships. If you’re looking at becoming a doctor, then it’s really about your grades and MCAT scores. If you have top grades and MCAT scores, then it won’t matter which university you go to. It does suck, but sometimes when you get a lemon, don’t just make lemonade, make a gourmet lemon mocha frapicchino with sprinkles. You’ll be fine.
Ideally, with the help of respected community members, your father will come around and you will be able to go without unnecessary drama.
Clarify the need for parents’ input in subsequent years with the colleges, explaining the family situation.
If it is feasible, just go.
You will be helping your family, especially your siblings. You will be opening doors for them even if things are bad for a while. In the long run, it will be for the better.
If your father does not come around, see if you can get therapy or connect with a support group to deal with the possible fallout. It’s not a great situation, but if the finances allow it, please go and break the chains.
OP, I agree that you should not pass up this life altering opportunity. Now is the time to be super focused. You want to go away to one of these excellent schools and you want to do it without completely severing ties with family if at all possible. Those are both reasonable goals.
It sounds like your dad is the one to convince. Study him and think about how he thinks, what he values. What is in it for him for you to go away to Hopkins. Talking to your guidance counselor is great advice but if your dad won’t consider the GC a trusted expert it might not help.
You mentioned church. Is there a pastor/leader your dad respects that might be on your side. Think carefully about this one because it could work against you if the pastor backs up your dad.
A trusted Uncle or Aunt? Again, it’s about identifying someone your dad trusts and respects.
What do you think your dad is scared of happening if you leave? How can you address and calm those fears?
For example if church is really important to your dad you can talk about how the quality education you will receive will enable you to really serve God in the future and give back financially to the church and community that means so much to you. You can identify student ministries you can participate in while at school. You can talk about how important it is to you that other students see people of strong faith like yourself. Don’t lie if none of those things are true at all but don’t hesitate to spin it in a way that makes him see the upside according to his value system whatever that value system is.
Good luck. You are in a difficult spot.
Also you might look up whats available in the way of Christian groups on campus. (And I guarantee you that you will an entire range of religious groups.) That may help assuage some fears as well.
You mentioned that you are active in church. Are your parents also active in this church? If so, could you involve your clergy in this discussion? Your pastor/minister/church leader could help mediate and may also know of church activities to connect to at your desired college. Knowing you had the support of a local church structure at college might reassure your dad that you would have the support you needed to be successful.
I would second the advice above and enlist the assistance of an adult your father trusts. It could be someone from your church or a relative or even one of your current teachers or your GC. You shouldn’t give up the great opportunities that are available to you. Since your mother signed the papers and provided the financial information you needed for FA, is it possible that she could try to reason with your Dad? Are you afraid that your father would not let you live at home if you make the decision to go to JHU?
@Animegirl2018 - I agree with other posters about finding a trusted adult (grandparent, uncle, clergy member) to try to talk to your father. You should work on enlisting your mother’s help (although she may be reluctant to take on your father for her own reasons, that may include her own physical or emotional well-being – or yours). If it is at all possible to reason with your father by reassuring him that you value your family and will not shirk your familial responsibilities nor will you turn your back on the church and will, in fact, seek church membership and religious-based clubs at school, would suggest going that route. If you are afraid that your father will no longer let you live at home if/when you commit to school, is there a friend or a family member that you can stay with?
You’ve got two amazing offers: UPenn and JHU; it would be insane to not do everything in your power to take advantage of one of them. Airfare from Miami to Philadelphia of Baltimore can be had for under $100 each way (bus fare is not any cheaper and much less pleasant). Most schools – including UPenn (and I’d imagine JHU) – have dorms open over winter break for students that can’t travel for logistical or financial reasons.
I would talk to both the admissions and FA officers at both schools and explain your situation. You can inquire about what steps you might need to be considered financially independent so that you will not have to rely on your parents’ consent or cooperation in this or future years.
Once you get all of your ducks in a row, you may need to give your father an ultimatum and let him know in no uncertain terms that if he wants to continue a relationship with you and have you come back for summers, breaks, etc. he needs to accept your life and educational choices. If you can’t come home during breaks, you’ll likely be able to find other students moving off campus that you can live with and work during the summers, or seek summer stipends to cover living expenses.
It sounds like you are getting thrown into the deep end of the becoming-an-adult pool. Take comfort in knowing that you will be able to float, swim, tread water, or any combination thereof, and that you will be to care for yourself and get the education you deserve.
If you are over 18, you are an adult here in the US and you have rights, no matter if you are male or female. You will have to weigh what is best for your future and make your own choice. Your father does not have the legal right to decide what you do. If you choose to go to one of these schools, you will find supportive people there. I am sorry you are in this position.
Some here are making this thread quite confusing. Chances are OP will need her parents to produce both the Fafsa and CSS in subsequent years, for Penn or JHU. Telling her she can just walk doesn’t get her one step closer to her goal. She will not be independent for aid purposes, simply by turning 18. She can’t afford this without FA.
And financial aid standards require equal treatment of all kids in various circumstances. Fin aid 101: they can’t change the rules or make big exceptions just because parents are uncooperative or under informed.
The help she needs is in how to approach her parents. The GC doesn’t need to say she’s calling to convince them. Eg, she could call to “congratulate” them on their daughter getting into among rhe best colleges- the honor- and the scholarships awarded, and offer to answer questions. We don’t know if the clergy are better informed about JHU or Penn. Or if this is a conservative situation where clergy also feel girls should stay home.
Attending community college in Florida makes no sense for you, academically or financially. If you were going to stay in Florida, you’d likely be able to go to UF, NCF, or one of the other four-year public U’s for free. Once you enroll in community college, you forfeit that free ride. Starting at Miami Dade would slam doors shut for you that you could never re-open.
If you cannot see a path to enroll at Penn or JHU this year, then I think your best compromise-option would be to commit to the one you prefer and defer admission a year. Work for a year, volunteer in a field of interest, save up some money, and apply (or reapply) to the top FL publics if you want to have an in-state option. Do NOT take community college classes - you’re not allowed to attend anywhere else during a deferral year, and you do not want to give up your freshman-applicant status at UF/NCF/etc. if you decide you must stay in-state. Tell your parents that you truly believe attending JHU/UPenn is the right choice for you, but you are taking the gap year because your family is important to you and you want to work through this with them. (Who knows, maybe your willingness to do this would give them a foot in the door to consider letting you go this year rather than delaying your education.)
Good luck - you’re in a tough spot, but in the long run, taking a breather wouldn’t hurt you, whereas getting rushed into a bad decision surely could… so if you feel like you can’t resolve this in the next few weeks, defer! Time is on your side, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
@aquapt - as far as I am aware Bright Future scholarships are transferable between eligible post secondary education within the state of Florida. Are community colleges not eligible post secondary colleges?
The idea of community college is horrible. This top student needs to be with her academic peers. Finances mean some students go to their CC but those like the OP get the scholarships to go to elite four year U’s. It would b a shame to settle for an average education after a presumably high level HS one. Think- elite student, not just a top for HS one. OP NEEDS to have a challenging freshman year with a lot more material presented than in the average college. UF or better, not CC.
Op was accepted into UF, though?
I think everyone agrees that with Such choices as Penn, Brown, and JHU, MDC makes no sense.
So, you must go to one of the three - in particular because, as the eldest, you’ll set the path for your siblings. And if you do well, you’ll be able to help them (I see that all the time - eldest child then helps youngest siblings with college, connections, etc.) If you don’t go, how likely is it that your siblings will even want to seek a similar opportunity and if they do, will be allowed to go (“I didn’t allow your sister to go so it wouldn’t be fair if I allowed you to” has actually been used ). Do this for yourself and for them.
Some points:
If you attend community college, you will have to pay for years 3+4 at the public universities. If the legislature keeps Bright Futures as is you’d have a scholarship that covers tuition, but room and board + other expenses will be 10-12k a year. Where will that come from?
Even if your parents think Penn= JHU= UF, certainly free v. 20-24k should matter. And no, there’s no special extra aid for students - Bright Futures is already very generous. You will NOT get a full ride as a transfer. It WILL be more expensive to attend college in Florida.
Read up on Christian groups on campus. Contact them. Know when they meet, how often. If there’s transportation to church every Sunday. Be ready to use that information.
Be able to compare crime rates on campus at MDC and your other choices. Just in case, learn about the neighborhood too. Know about the system people whose it is to walk you back to your dorm or anywhere. All the safeties measures. Don’t bring it up but have it at the ready. (all three universities have better security than MDC because they have lots of money).
Make sure you know if one of the three has single sex housing (guessing your dad won’t like co-ed dorms so have your facts so he can’t use that against you), substance free housing too. Don’t bring it up unless he does though as he might not have thought of that ;).
Enlist not just one but perhaps several trusted adults who can help - prepare them before they go talk to your dad. They have to be clever and diplomatic.
I agree with the phone calls from school officials all congratulating your parents for such a smart daughter, such an honor for the school, the community, a full ride scholarship to the best universities in the country. What if your school published the story in the school paper with it sent to the local paper? (Once it’d be public, it’d be hard for your dad to tell congratulating neighbors " ahem she’s not going").
@flmom26 , I will defer to the experts on the FL system… but the parents I know in that system have not made it sound easy to transfer the Bright Futures deal. OP should make 100% sure she knows what her transfer options would be and what the financial picture would look like - get it from the source, not from anybody on CC.
^ in any case, Bright Futures is NOT a full ride.
You can get a merit award on top of Bright Futures to be used on expenses at the institution. In other words, I think the merit money could be used towards university provided room/board but it can’t be applied towards off campus housing. Bright Futures discounts tuition/fees. I am not an expert on BF by far. If Op has specific questions about the program she should probably ask about it over in the Florida Schools forum. I don’t think that Op has mentioned whether she qualifies for BF or not or what level she qualifies for. It may not be an issue for her.
Bright Futures alone is not a full ride… but getting to a full ride at UF is possible with high enough stats (NMF, etc.). And the same deal is not available, so far as I’m aware, through the community college transfer route. However, as I said, I defer to the FL experts.