Hello, I need help analyzing my situation. So my parents are very protective and use as much control as they can. I got accepted into Texas A&M and want to move in this fall. However my parents are trying to stop me from going for two reasons. The first and foremost reason is that they don’t think I’m ready to live on my own because I’m gay. I am a vey diligent student and I am succeeding in my school and work. I even got moved to the hardest position at work with only a month working there, which is very unusual and shows my diligence. The only reason they say I’m not ready is because they don’t want me dating and living my authentic life. I am homeschooled, so they are very protective. They are so opposed to me going to college that they didn’t even let me take a bus to go to Aggieland Saturday, which is a tour. They say that I have to spend two more years with them, and that I should just do a “super senior year” and do a bunch of dual credit classes like I am doing right now. This brings me to the second reason, which is money. However, I am not asking to go to Harvard, I’m asking to go to A&M, which is 33k a year including all the expenses. However, they have clearly not thought of this as a priority because they made a lot of money last year and didn’t invest a dime in my college education. I can’t even get any FAFSA aid because of how much they made. They say the only way I can even visit the college is if I move out. My uncle says just stay and save money, but honestly we are having blow ups all the time, primarily because of my sexuality, I really don’t want to live here until I’m 20. Plus, the college experience is a once in a lifetime experience. What do you guys advise?
For starters, I’d advise you to change your username
Are you working? Do you think you can support yourself? Sadly, you wouldn’t be the first LGBTQ kid (and probably not the last) to leave home.
Yes sir I am, but I don’t think I could leave right now because I live in the country and need a car to go places, which I don’t have yet. Like where I am taking dual credit classes in is an hour away. I was thinking with moving in with a relative in the summer, but I would have to find a new job and quit it soon when I move to college.
Got it. But as I understand it, college in the immediate future isn’t in the cards. No?
First, I would sit down and think hard about what it would mean to defy your parents and move out on your own. Assuming your parents are serious about kicking you out (mine were), how do you feel about having to find housing and a way to support yourself, above and beyond tuition? It’s not easy, and will impact your college experience. And then there’s the emotional whammy of losing those family connections, even if they are difficult and controlling. Only you can decide whether the cost is worth it.
I would also do some research into whether/how you can be declared independent of your parents, which could allow you to apply for financial aid based on your own income/assets, not your parents’. I was able to do this 30 years ago, but I don’t know what the rules are now. You can likely call the financial aid office at A&M and see if they’d be willing to advise you.
If you do choose to go it alone, try to have a plan in place before you make any irrevocable decisions. It may not work out entirely, but it helps to have a sense of next steps, alternate plans, etc.
And FWIW, I’m sending you some encouragement. Having been in an analogous position myself at your age, I can tell you that sometimes it is 100% worth it to take that leap. My experience was scary and difficult, but also among the best decisions I ever made. Good luck.
That’s correct.
Yes ma’am I have thought about this. I was thinking of working part time and also being an R.A. as well. But I do not think I could bear another high school year, especially when my grades are as good as they are. Thanks for the encouragement too.
And about filing as an independent, I have looked into it and I do not qualify. I have to be either 24 or married, or can get an override if my parents are abusive, which physically they have not been. This puts me in a bad position for sure.
Are your stats (GPA, ACT or SAT) high enough to get a full ride merit scholarship somewhere?
(Edited, PVAMU application deadline was December 1 for fall frosh.)
Well my sat is 1330, and my GPA is 3.9. I’ll look into that link!
I would follow @Momof242729 's advice and really nail down what it would take to be declared independent of your parents. Maybe, in some perverse way, this is a good opportunity for you. Homeschooling is always a tricky thing to line up with conventional college admissions but having parents who refuse to participate in the process pretty much means taking that last step toward adulthood. Make some money and buy a car.
I called the Financial Aid office and they told me I could not file as an independent. I have to be 24, married, have a dependent, or part of the military.
Full ride scholarships that may still be available:
Scholarships | Tuskegee University (Scholarships for Incoming Freshmen)
Scholarships - Alabama A&M University (Presidential)
I’m so sorry to hear that. It sounds like the rules have changed considerably.
Thank you ma’am.
Please don’t count on becoming a RA as part of your financial planning. At most colleges getting a RA position is extremely competitive and generally are not available to freshmen.
I wish you luck moving ahead.
I won’t, thank you.
A few things:
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FAFSA doesn’t give you money. It gives you access to a very small amount of loans
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College costs - not every parent is willing to pay - and $33K is a lot of money. You may be right about why they won’t pay - but regardless, many parents are unwilling. There’s no crime here. Their money, their choice.
So options:
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Like many, you can live home and go to community college
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You can attend a college that is less than $33K all in - they are out there and some, like Central Michigan, in less restrictive LGBTQ states W Carolina is also much less and there are likely in state or adjacent state schools for less. Given the political bias against a gay lifestyle, are you ok staying in such a state like Texas or an adjacent state?
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Get a job at Starbucks and go for free (but online) through Arizona State.
I understand the personal situation - you don’t want to stay there, you all fight, and they are trying to tone down your sexuality.
But in the end, college has a cost - and your parents are unwilling to pay. How much money they make is not relevant to that.
So you either comply or you move out - but if you move out, you will have to be fully self supporting - and at 18, that sounds easier than it is.
This is just the reality of the situation.
I feel for you but this is how I see it.
The other thing that concerns me - going from home school to such a large school - but obviously you feel you can adopt to that.
Good luck.
Would taking a loan and working a part time job be okay as well?