Re: word limit - I’m pretty sure the common app cuts you off at the word limit. Perhaps the one shared in the papers was a slightly different version of what she submitted via common app
@pizzagirl How about we all go back to “congratulations!” instead of picking her apart?? This is somebody’s CHILD here.
Well said! I 100% agree.
and for all the detractors out there, spend some time on the Essay threads on CC, read a few of those. Too many fancy words or not - this essay is better than most by a long shot
Exactly, @wisteria100. That was my hypothesis as well (post#117)-- that whoever gave the essay to the Business Insider gave a different version of the essay. Most students write multiple versions/drafts (as they should), and its likely that this was a longer one. Its the good eyes of some readers here, and other college consultants that picked up on the fact that it was over the word count!
The common app does cut off words at 650, so obviously this was a previous draft. And at the risk of wading in here, I always have trouble with these articles that suggest that the essay is somehow the most meaningful component of an application or that it got a kid into the 5 Ivies etc. I personally thought that the essay didn’t particularly answer the question, and her language choices were questionable. Although it did have some vitality and there were some clever things in it, overall it was overwritten and I have certainly read better essays. I strongly suspect that her stats, her accomplishments, and her URM status far outweighed the essay in the admissions process - and frankly that’s as it should be. It seems clear to me from reading this essay and the one last year from the kid admitted to all eight Ivies, which was cliched and not particularly well-written, that much as some people might want to subscribe to the idea that a good essay will be the main factor in getting into a competitive college, that is probably not the case. Essays can be a tipping point, one way or the other, but they simply are not the major factor.
This^. Well said, @midatlmom.
These articles are written for the average public human interest who finds “8 Ivies” (what are their namea again, I don’t know, but sheesh, she must be one smart chick) and “essay about Costco” (Well who’da thunk, I thought you’d have to write about some fancy subject like Shakespeare or sumthin’) to be things to catch their eye.
They are not written to provide guidance to future students and they are not written for the benefit of those of us on CC who are knowledgeable about the process.
I was thinking the same thing!
Yes! Agreed. And in publishing it I’m sure they didn’t expect the kind of response and analysis they are getting in this thread. LOL!
“I think a lot of people are trying to figure out the magic recipe that made this kid so successful with regards to acceptances.”
Yup. Please don’t think there’s something so special to be gleaned from this essay.
This is my reaction- she got in, okay, and to some mighty fine colleges. But purely in terms of someone thinking they can copy her approach–
Tell me what that essay shows adcoms that’s relevant to a top college class. I cringe every time someone starts with when they were an eensy teensy. It’s full of “I” and telling, not showing (not in the present, and long about Costco.) She only ties it to academic and other curiosity at the very end, barely.
Add me to the folks who don’t think the essay was any kind of capper. And those who feel uncomfortable with the misleading publicity.
Has this article been linked in this thread yet? http://qz.com/657374/a-high-schooler-was-accepted-to-five-ivy-league-colleges-with-an-essay-about-costco/. It’s her (and the author of the Quartz article’s) response to the controversy the essay has raised on social media.
Forgive me for being cranky but I shake my head at the notions adcoms swoon over a riff on Costco.
“…it also provides insight into a mind that takes creative risks and thinks with expansive originality.” Really? Anyone think you can write anything and adcoms are supposed to measure the originality of the topic choice?
@midatlmom ‘some people might want to subscribe to the idea that a good essay will be the main factor in getting into a competitive college, that is probably not the case’
I agree with you - the essay is not going to get you in if the rest of your file is not up to par. But with so many qualified applicants a good/unique/clever essay can help you stand out.
@jym626 Thanks for sharing that link. I think she was spot on when she said many people think you have to write about adversity or tragedy and wouldn’t think of writing about the mundane.
But in info session after info session, I heard adcoms saying they don’t want to read another essay about the service trip, about the big game, about the dead grandparents - they say it is often the simplest thing that can make the strongest essay and this falls into that category
@lookingforward - I disagree that the essay told and did not show. Reading her essay, made the goings on in a Costco really come to life. That’s showing not telling. To me, telling is what you get a lot on the College Essays threads and perhaps someone would write:
I’m a curious person. Sometimes when I go to the supermarket I look into people’s shopping carts and learn about different cultures. I even learn about physics by watching carts piled high…And that’s why I want to become a scientist.
@jym626 It’s several years now since I worked in admissions, but we’d ignore essays that ran over the word limit if they were interesting and compelling (in previous years the Common App allowed you to exceed the limit and until recently many universities still accepted paper applications).
In my experience, a truly interesting essay was rare. Each year we’d have 5-10. They were almost invariably admitted. One or two still stand out in my mind.
@widgetmidget What did you think of this essay?
Who cares about the goings on in a Costco? For a tippy top college admissions review? You don’t get in because you can describe Costco. The show not tell applies to what she shows about herself.
“I adopted my exploratory skills, fine tuned by Costco, towards my intellectual endeavors. I probed the realms of history, dance and biology, all in pursuit of the ideal cart-one overflowing with theoretical situations and notions both silly and serious. I sampled calculus, cross-country running, scientific research, all of which are now household favorites…”
That’s telling. A good example worked in would have been surer.
Look, she got admits. I’m just saying not to be so sure there’s some formula in there.
@lookingforward I don’t think the essay is about Costco. She is surely using it as a metaphor for her interests. Costci makes for a good sound bite on the news, but its about her not a store. She could have easily written the same essay about a board game
As I said, my main point is don’t read more into this, considering the many factors the colleges considered.
Wisteria, it’s not a writing contest, what’s on the line is your college admissions. No English teachers come rate the use of metaphor.
She is telling us, I was so curious, I this, I that and then I… About Costco. And then, at the end, “I sampled calculus, cross-country running…” That’s telling. I can say more, but kids should be careful before copying it.
@widgetmidget,
To clarify, you are saying you’d ignore the fact that the essay was a few words over the word count if it was interesting and compelling-- not that you’d ignore the essay if it was over the word count, correct?
There is obviously a reason there is now a hard limit on words. The poor readers must be up til 3 am with a row of 5 hour energy drinks by their bedside! In your opinion, if this essay needed to fit in the word count, isn’t there a throwaway sentence that could be removed, or a few extra words that could be easily clipped without affecting the tone or spirit of the essay? IMO there is a lot that could be trimmed without losing the spirit of the piece
At an essay-writing workshop at a college open house we attended, there was a similarly-styled essay presented as a winning essay in the opinion of the adcoms. Just like this one, it was a very well-written creative piece. However, in my opinion that essay broke the “rule” about making sure your treatment of the theme tells about you, not just about the subject. An example they always give to illustrate that principle is the typical essay about how influential grandma was in your life. They often joke that now they want to admit grandma but not necessarily her grandchild. Indeed, all that particular essay told me was the girl was a creative writer and had big feet. I think the Costco one is far more successful at telling the reader about her personality. That said, I think adcoms often ignore their own “rules.”
PS–I beg to differ that she was a “competitive cross country runner” as the article states. She’s quite mediocre. When D1 was in high school, I tried very hard to keep her out the newspaper because they’d invariably make mistakes or exaggerate her accomplishments or ignore the rest of the team (which made her seem snotty), and then she and I would have to deal with the comments from people. I don’t think publicity about a young person brings as much as positive as it does negative.
@jym626 In my experience, you can tell from the first paragraph when you are reading something special or unique.
As for eyestrain, the average time spent reading an application is a little over 4 minutes. That said, each year you usually are lucky and have a number of applications that really stand out. I can still remember a number I reviewed. Incredible individuals, and I’m not talking about test scores and grades. I was often in awe.
Agree @widgetmidget, that the first paragraph tells a lot about the writer, the writer’s ability and the essay quality. The first paragraph of the essay should catch the reader’s attention and make the reader want to read more. IMO it should be intriguing, compelling, clever, whatever. But my question remains- since the author says it was a response to the first prompt of the CA, and we all assume this is a different draft as it is over the word count, aren’t there at least 5 words that could be removed, and those made up words that are really 2 words but she made them into one (presumably for the word count, but who knows) broken down correctly (requiring a few more words to be edited out) so the writer stays within the required word count, like they, and everyone else, is supposed to? They, and their essay aren’t so special that they get to violate the rules, IMO.