Not jealous that you are married to their son, but just jealous of other women. My MIL is 20 years older, and since I was a young bride had been jealous of me. I’ve seen her stand in the shadows looking to see what I’m wearing, etc. She can’t compliment to save herself…even at 77 now. She was like this with my SIL too, but unfortunately they divorced. After decades, it gets tiring.
I have another relative like that =not my MIL. If the conversation turns to anything complementary towards me or my kids she practically runs away. Or interrupts to tell a story about people we don’t know.
Yes…those are the things she does, among others!
Not my MIL, but my mother. Long story. She’s been gone 32 years, and my self-esteem has gone up quite a bit in that time.
Funny, I was going to say not my MIL, but my mother also. Glad I’m not the only one. I’d say “LOL” at the situation, but it isn’t funny at all. Damaging…very damaging.
I’m in that boat with you @conmama. It does get tiring. After 40 years, I just feel sorry for my MIL. Her self-absorption has alienated her from so many of the people she wants desperately to love her. Instead, she is politely tolerated. In her case, her behavior stems from low self-esteem.
I have a SIL like that.
I was once given a gift by a family friend and I commented, “How nice of them to think of me.” My SIL was quick to reply, “They didn’t do it for you. They did it for (MIL).” I couldn’t believe it. I knew this person didn’t have some deep feeling for me, but still, to go out of your way to strip bare what (she thought) their intentions were. Wow!
I make it a point to limit my interactions with her and people like her.
My MIL is the same way. She will do whatever she can to make me feel inadequate. And EVERY single time I see her, she reminds me that she was Homecoming Queen at her school - sixty years ago.
I get being annoyed by the lack of compliments, but the line about standing in the shadows to see what you are wearing just sounds paranoid to me. Maybe I’m missing something?
Sometimes it’s all in the way you look at things. My dh’s brothers wife is as far as I can tell a perfectly nice woman, but she’s not very invested in our side of the family. My brother’s sister thinks she’s really controlling and evil - I really don’t think that’s her intention at all.
Mine was. Jealous, competitive, manipulative. Ugh. I didn’t expect it. I was used to people being more straightforward and supportive of each other. I had to pull back from her because any time I tried to get close, she would use what I said or did to hurt me.I wanted to have a good relationship with her and still feel bad about it.
i know that kind of person…just a “little ray of dark shine”…mine if out of my life at this point, but wow did it hurt at the time. live and let live, women!!
My older S is like this with me. My H and I show enthusiastic interest and support in her and her kids, but it’s not reciprocated at all. She never asks about anything our kids are doing and even leaves the room or physically turns away when anyone brings up my kids’ accomplishments in any way. You can even see her expression close up. It’s not like we brag about them or anything, either. We do with my parents, of course, because they want to hear it and are equally as proud, but we don’t do this around others. Wouldn’t she want to be proud of her nieces and nephews? I’m proud of her kids, and I show it. (Although she does show interest in my youngest for some reason, and will say nice things about her ability in one hobby they share, she does not want to hear about what she’s doing outside of that one hobby.) She knows nothing about what I do in my day-to-day life.
Several years ago, I found out that she had severely misinterpreted things I’ve done and said since we were young. That really hurt and was eye-opening. It seems so deep-seated now that I don’t have much contact at all with her outside family events. At those events, we get along fine; in fact, anyone would think we were close. I know it’s actually just an act, though; it’s superficial.
It’s really sad, and it’s not how I wanted our relationship to be. I love her. When someone is that insecure, though, it translates to jealousy and twisted thoughts, and how can I be close to someone like that? She wouldn’t let me, anyway.
@myloves, my relationship with my sister is also strained. She didn’t attend any of my kids graduations nor has she invited to any of her kids events. She always thinks I’m comparing her kids to hers. It’s just sad.
That’s what my sister thinks, too! I was completely oblivious that she thought this way until several years ago. It’s so much the opposite of how I think that I was gobsmacked, and it’s why I was so oblivious.
I’m sorry that your sister is also like that, @lilmom . It’s painful.
I can kind of see how this sort of thing happens with siblings, but a mom or MIL? That’s odd.
My half-sister. She’s 5 years older than me and has been jealous of me for most of my life.
She now blames my parents and I for every thing that has gone wrong- ever- in her life and has basically cut us out of her life. I’ve tried playing peacemaker, but I’m giving up. It’s not worth trying to reason with the unreasonable.
I’m pretty sure she’s convinced that everything I’ve ever done (marriage, college, etc) has been to be more successful than her. It makes zero sense but her bio mom was mentally ill and I’m pretty sure she has inherited quite a bit of that, unfortunately.
I don’t think it’s abnormal for sibling jealousies. My sister is like this, a whole other set of problems. Its the generation above that irks me.
Getting older doesn’t mean getting less dysfunctional. 
Actually, it can mean the opposite.
@ChoatieMom , your MIL sounds like a narcissist, like mine. She has something critical to say about everyone, and has been a “victim” of everyone’s mistreatment. She also has borderline personality disorder, which makes holiday gatherings a delight.
@doschicos …but she was like this when I was 18 and she was 36. I can’t imagine being jealous of mt DS girlfriend. But I get what you’re saying. An insecure person is that way no matter the age…just gets worse.
Sounds like she was an extremely young bride and mother. Do you think that plays into it - insecurities, missed opportunities and choices, etc.?
We can’t change people and how they act towards us but sometimes it’s easier to take when we think about what manifests their behavior because it often isn’t personal. It can still be irritating, but I usually find it easier to shrug off, personally.