<p>I would like to know if any parents have advice regarding college aged son (sophomore). This summer I have noticed that he has become increasingly judgmental and critical of others (mostly strangers) and of things here in our town and home. If you have gone through this with your children and have any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it.</p>
<p>College changes a person’s perspective…sometimes that results in kids coming home on a soapbox, looking down on where they came from and/or wanting to change the world. Usually they get over it. </p>
<p>It’s kind of like that phase where they think their parents are clueless and don’t understand anything. Later, when they need your wisdom and expertise as they navigate getting a grownup job, buying a used car, negotiating a lease, dealing with income tax, etc., they suddenly realize how smart you are again.</p>
<p>I guess the bottom line is, you can’t necessarily change his behavior but you can control how you react to it. You can say, “I don’t like hearing you being so critical of our town and home. Can we talk about something else, please?” or “I prefer to assume the best of people I don’t know, not the worst” or just “We’re going to have to agree to disagree on that.”</p>
<p>Normal behavior.</p>
<p>My going to be a college senior step-daughter is very judgmental - especially of us. Every morsel of food that enters our mouths is commented on, not to mention the critiques of every person she sees on TV, etc. It makes me crazy but I remember knowing everything at that age . . . although I don’t remember being quite so verbal about it all!</p>
<p>Not being her mother, I usually keep my mouth shut unless I find something very offensive. But in my head . . . that’s another story!!</p>
<p>Looking forward to mid-August when we have our house back!! And I can eat what I want without commentary!</p>
<p>I remember coming home the first summer after college and being appalled at how OLD, and how POOR everyone looked - I grew up in a relatively poor area, that is even poorer and older now than when I first left. I was used to college in a very small college town where the college enrollment was twice the permanent population of the town - professsors were the oldest people I saw regularly, and everyone was about middle class.
Now I laugh at how stupid I was.</p>
<p>Between the beginning and the end of her undergrad years my daughter made the swing from being incredibly judgmental of everything to do with her well provided for suburban life and anything associated with it (including her mother) to an amused tolerance that I believe is a front covering up a certain level of enjoyment at coming home to a pleasant town, having cable on demand and not having to pay to do her laundry. Any judgments she is making at this stage of the game she is mature enough to keep to herself.</p>
<p>If my experience and the reports of my friends are anything to go by, the behavior is normal, normal, normal.</p>
<p>If this means anything, I was ten times more critical of where I grew up (Ohio) before moving away to Boston. I HATED it while I was there, and now I enjoy visits back. I like how it looks like a quilt from above when I fly in, how simple the roads are, how much friendlier people generally are… the list goes on. </p>
<p>However, I wouldn’t want to move back at the stage I’m currently at in my life, so that may make me seem critical of it. I wouldn’t be happy there, and THAT’S OKAY! Not really wanting what Ohio has to offer is healthy for me right now… I’m on my own and experiencing new things… and frankly, any disdain I have for Ohio is far less than the disdain my Ohioan relatives would feel if they were told they had to live in Boston. One made a comment like, “This is just like block after block of Highland Squares,” when she was here - Highland Square being a young, hip (and consequently awful, in my relative’s opinion) and liberal downtown sort of place near where I grew up. I was disappointed that she could not see how wonderful it is here, but then she was always disappointed that I couldn’t see myself being happy in Ohio for the rest of my life. </p>
<p>But if your child is really being judgmental of your town and the people in it, and you find it cruel or mean-spirited of him, I would say it’s a normal stage… and I think/hope he will get over it. It’s not appealing when someone feels they are above their roots, and I think most adults come to realize that needing something different from what they grew up with should not mean they reject and hate what they grew up with.</p>
<p>I second everyone who says this is completely normal. I did this, now my kids do (I only deserve that 
).</p>
<p>Sounds normal to me.</p>
<p>I agree that it is normal but IMHO that doesn’t mean you have to listen to it 24/7. My mama used to say “If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut.”<br>
I personally don’t want to live around someone who is verbally judgemental and negative all the time. I have definitely told my kids how I feel.</p>
<p>Teenagers know everything and have no reluctance to let you know it.</p>
<p>In our pediatric office, a sign was hung: “Teenagers, quick, move out while you still know everything!”</p>
<p>Is it possible that he is right, at least to some extent, in his criticisms? </p>
<p>I took my D back to her preschool before she went to college. She was amazed at how small, how old, and how strange it all was. </p>
<p>Your son shouldn’t share each and every observation, and have a bit of graciousness about his stay there, but you know, maybe he is seeing his hometown for the first time, with a totally different perspective, and he may just be clearer and feeling a bit sad by what he is seeing and experiencing.</p>
<p>However, he should just keep that to himself.</p>
<p>One of my favorite expressions: “Zip your lips, your stupidity is showing”</p>
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<p>In total agreement. There was a period of time when I was constantly telling my D to rephrase what was coming out of her mouth.</p>
<p>But again, what if the kid is right? My mother grew up in a state that she would never ever go back to and escaped as soon as she could. </p>
<p>Is the OPs soon feeling that same way perhaps? </p>
<p>My daughters thank me everyday for living in a place they can’t wait to get back to. </p>
<p>The son may not be stupid, he may just be frustrated by what he is seeing, not handling it well, but to disregard and dismiss his feeling and observations is unfair…its not recognizing that he has changed. He isn’t handling it well, and should be more aware of the feelings he may be hurting, becuase that is what he is doing, he is hurting the OPs feelings by dissing what the OP loves and where the OP lives.</p>
<p>That doesn’t necessarily make the OP’s son wrong in what he sees. </p>
<p>Is the OP’s son complaining because its a small town, where things haven’t changed, where its just sad? Does he comment about the clothes people wear, how they spend their time, is it a big city he is going back to and he dislikes the garbage, the crowds?</p>
<p>I have lived in numerous places all over this country, and some places I would rejoice in going back to , in others, I would very likely have the same reaction the Son is having. </p>
<p>He may be critical of strangers because if he was critical of people you know, that would be worse, in his eyes, so he goes after someone you don’t know. Maybe not fair, but again, maybe he is right.</p>
<p>About that age, my D went through a very snotty phase as well. She’s sort of over it 
I bet your S will too. Meantime, have no scruples to call him on his judgments: do it laughingly, lightly, and I bet he’ll get the message.</p>
<p>Thank you all for the kind responses. It does help to know that son’s attitudes are normal. I will follow your suggestions and then hope he comes to a more accepting place of others.</p>
<p>Yeah, completely normal. My Mom did her four sons a huge favor with her standard retort “If you can’t say something nice please don’t say anything at all.” It took two decades for this wisdom to sink in, but eventually it did. Thanks Mom.</p>
<p>My mom used to say the same thing to me. Wise moms!</p>