@twoinanddone, GF has a shared apt with an absentee roommate, so she pays half. The roommate had a mental breakdown and has since left the unit. She still pays her half, but is looking to sublet until her lease is up in June. I’m sure GF would be happy if DS would pay that half and be done with it. Since we’re already paying dearly for a quad apartment for DS there is no way we’d consider paying half of GF rent to solve this problem.
@DeniseBee. Got it… A real gaming PC… I was envisioning like a laptop… But still the girl wins out… Lol…
Even with all our suggestions, you are holding firm on your decision and I respect that. I also don’t believe kids this age are “ready” to be full adults. I think it’s our duty as parents to help them “become” adults. I have gotten push back a bit here and there on these forums but so far with two kids in college so good.
Your son has no leverage here anyway. You will also still pay for his rooming regardless where he stays at night or if she stays over.
I would be impressed if they make it through the summer. Isn’t your son applying for internships for this summer? If so, he might not be in the same state with her. Then they will see if this even survives.
For half of my college I did not stay in the dorm or apartment my parents paid for. I was usually at my dh’s apartment or at another friend’s dorm (because my roommate had her boyfriend move in our one room apartment and would not move him out!). I never told my parents and everything was ok.
Now today, my Junior S who is 21 lives in a frat house. His gf is there most of the time. She goes back to her sorority house sometimes but is usually there. Just before Christmas they broke up after dating 2 1/2 years. She luckily had a place to go. Now they are back together. I keep wondering when they may decide to ask to live together. He will be starting vet school in the fall and she will be a senior and then she will be going to PA school at the same campus. After this breakup I wonder what her parents would say. I’m not sure I would use a silver bullet on saying no for him. I would tell him all the pitfalls. Now her parents … I somehow think she will just keep an apartment with roommates like she has set up for next year and not say a word to them.
I wouldn’t stop paying for you S’s education but you can decide what housing you will and won’t pay for. If he uses it fine, if he doesn’t oh well. If you do decide to let them live together I would write up a document stating exactly what would happen to the apartment if they broke up and have both families sign it. Kind of an apartment pre-nup. Make them think through who would stay, who would go, who would pay for what etc.
@momocarly , good idea on the apartment pre-nup if we were willing to let him do it on our dime. We won’t withhold his college funding, but I think he’d find keeping up with 1/2 rent, utilities and various expenses, while having an insane amount of studying, might make it not so attractive…and of course he’ll end up living with her most of the time once we’ve paid for his housing anyway. It’s kind of a no win situation for us.
@Knowsstuff , you’re right. He is applying for internships, but I suspect he’ll be trying to find one as close to school as possible to be near GF who lives in that town full time. He has the opportunity for a great internship with a solid company that would be in one of three distant states if nothing else pans out. I think I’d go for that one to keep him from staying local for the wrong reasons.
If he gets an internship- couldn’t he afford the rent and utilities? I guess the lease would already be a done deal by then. If he really wants to live with her, he will save his money and “live” with her now and officially move in next year. At least by then the relationship will not be so new.
It sounds like you are really concerned about the time they spend together, but he has to spend time with the fraternity. He has built in friends and a life outside of her. It seems like maybe you like her- but you think him having a GF is holding him back??
I really hope he lets it go and realizes that other than the pain to find an apartment- he can just keep spending every night with her. I really think from their perspective, that they were trying to solve a living situation. Try very hard not to mention “if you breakup” - that’s negative thinking that will not be well received. Even if I don’t feel it’s a big deal, I do understand why you do. Ugh- parenting is sooo much fun.