This is one that I would emphasize – and not just for the recommendation letters, but also for the advice to both the high school student and parents about what schools might be potential targets for application, what success students from the high school have had at particular schools, etc. OP – does your daughter attend a public or private high school? I ask because if the former, she might have to make more of an effort to get face time with a guidance counselor, especially on multiple occasions – which is what both you and she should try to do (some advice – “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.”). If she attends a private high school, then there should be some established procedure for meetings of both the student and the parents with the GC (this is one of the reasons that you pay for a private high school); I know that when my kids were in their (private) high school, parents and child would usually meet once together with the GC and then separately on other occasions over the course of the school year to discuss potential schools for further research and investigation. If your daughter’s high school has a software program such as Naviance, the GCs can help you/her in navigating the access and use of such a software program. Further, GCs can (or should) let your daughter know when representatives of different colleges and universities might be visiting your daughter’s high school, so that she can meet with them (this might have to wait until her senior year); this can be important for those schools that consider “demonstrated interest” in applicants. So, be nice to the GCs, and get them on your side – they can be very helpful!
There has already been some good advice given about college visits. I would only add that you should try to schedule a visit when your target school is in session, so that your daughter can see her potential future classmates, and get a vibe about the school; try not to visit more than one school per day, even if the schools are close together, because a visit can be both physically and mentally exhausting; and, as a parent on a visit, try not to ask too many (or any) questions yourself on a college visit, and don’t pump your child for his/her thoughts and impressions about a visit – they will let you know on their own timetable what they thought/felt about the school.
A follow-up point about letters from guidance counselors to colleges and universities: If your child has a possibility of getting merit aid from a college/university – especially a competitive merit scholarship, such as the Jefferson Scholars at UVA or the Morehead-Cain at UNC-CH – then you should be aware that there might only be one student from the high school that gets a letter of recommendation or nomination from the high school to that college or university; and the GCs will probably act as the gatekeepers in deciding which student will get the letter of recommendation or nomination for the competitive merit scholarship. At my kids’ school, for example, the GCs sent around an interest form to students early in their senior year to inquire about what scholarships/schools the students might be interested in applying to; and based on the responses to the forms of inquiry, the GCs decided who would get the high school’s nomination to a particular scholarship.
These are all spot on great suggestions. I think as far as visits - we will focus on the safeties/likelies and targets. I want to make sure that at least her safeties are places she would like to go if the others don’t come through. And visiting some of those targets will hopefully make it a little easier to write the ‘why this school’ essays. But your note about not missing too much school to visit schools is a good one.
OP here --she is in public school. But thanks to my daughter’s frequent requests to do ‘weird’ things with her schedule --we have a long standing relationship with her academic counselor (in a good way —she’s done some interesting things). We also have a college counselor --but we haven’t met with them. Probably time to set that meeting up. They have a TON of students to work with --so I’ve been trying to save that visit until we have solid questions to ask.
For anyone reading this post — the RPI is selected JUNIOR year. We looked at it -but even with the RPI medal -the cost is still a little high -so I thought that we wouldn’t ask about being nominated. (Why risk taking it away from someone who would be a more serious candidate.)
UPDATE!!! Looks like some are occasionally selected Senior year! Check with your school for the most accurate info!
This is really smart. One of the mistakes that many first time parents make is to take their child to a high reach as a first visit. The kid falls in love and all the other schools fail to measure up. A great state school or match private school is a much better benchmark to set for the first visit or two.
what worked for us was to have our first visit be a local school that I knew that my daughter wouldn’t want to attend - it’s a great school and gave her a sense of a college campus, what she liked/didn’t like… I called it a “burner” first visit and highly recommend it.
I actually did not have the foresight to do that intentionally, but we ended up doing it inadvertently. Very helpful!
Not really fair, but one of the easiest ways for S24 to communicate a school was coming off his list was just to say it reminded him of that first college. Message received, on to the next.
what worked for us was to have our first visit be a local school that I knew that my daughter wouldn’t want to attend - it’s a great school and gave her a sense of a college campus, what she liked/didn’t like… I called it a “burner” first visit and highly recommend it.
Same here. Also if your kiddo is nervous about talking to admission officers or navigating the visit process, a session like this is a non-loaded way to do a “dress rehearsal” of what the process is like before going to a school that matters much more to them.
Before the “burner” visit I also talked to my student about how to carry yourself in group situations, e.g. when the admission officers are giving their presentations: take notes on paper, not your phone. The perception of what you’re doing reads very differently to the adult at the front of the room, and they don’t know that someone is taking notes or just texting friends or playing games.
Little things like that my student was able to pay attention to in that visit, as some kids were on phones and others were taking notes on paper or just listening attentively. Eye contact, shaking hands, chatting with admission officers during the day - it all was made easier by taking the stakes out of the first college visit and he felt far more confident about how to carry himself moving on to his selected list.
Also, make notes immediately after visiting the school - if you can go to a coffee shop or chat in the car straight away - that’s valuable as things can run together. (And talk first about the things they enjoyed - set the tone, and help your student recognize that there is also no one “dream school” - there are lots of schools that they can and will enjoy, and will be great fits for them!)
I implore first time college parents to urge/encourage their kid to find SOMETHING to love about each school they visit. Even if the overall visit is a dud… there is a long way between August and April. There should be at least one positive takeaway from every school you bother to check out in person.
It can be the fantastic ice cream in the dining hall. It can be the “lending library” of stuff- sewing machines, pasta makers, maker-space type supplies, bike repair equipment, etc. available in the student center with just an ID. Whatever it is- try to find something positive.
I know kids IRL who end up at the “I hate this place” college. Sometimes the family’s financial situation changes midway and the el cheapo commutable college is the only viable path to a Bachelor’s degree (no shame in having financial constraints). Sometimes it’s for health reasons (I have a cousin who was diagnosed with cancer early in the kid’s senior year of HS. There were siblings at home- too young to drive, needed someone to supervise dinner and homework after school. The eldest made the mature decision to stay local -dormed, but local to provide stability during the 18 months or so that the parent was undergoing aggressive treatment.) Sometimes the “unthinkable” happens- and the kid is shut out of every college- but voila, the “I hate this place” college is fortunately still accepting applications in early May.
But whatever transpires during senior year-- it is very disheartening for the kid to have been trash talking (or hearing trash talk) about a college which for whatever reason could become a realistic option if other stuff falls apart.
My kids resented me for this- but it became a game and they got good at it. Every college has SOMETHING pretty or fun or cool or positive going on. Find it- and if the unthinkable happens, your kid still has an option. You may need the back up. You don’t know. None of us do.
And for everyone saying “well if that happens my kid will just take a gap year and reapply”- understand that if that DOES happen, unless your kid cures cancer in the first three months of the gap year, your kid will be looking at an entirely different set of colleges the second go-round. Once Northwestern or Duke rejects you, the likelihood that your “new and improved” application is going to do the trick is extremely low. All the more reason to find something to love at your backup college.
so much to like about your post @blueberriesforsal (and your handle name!!!) but wanted to echo the notes piece - a wise friend with older kids told me not to say anything about the school when we got into the car, but to let my kid take her own notes, and then I’d say, neutrally, what did you think?
When I did college visits with my kids, I never asked them afterwards what they thought about the school we had just visited; I would talk about anything else during those long car rides home, knowing that eventually the kids would talk about the school, and I wanted to hear what they had to say. (I didn’t want to come across as favoring or disfavoring any school, I just wanted them to experience things on their own and allow them to get their own impressions about the different places.)
Actually, my wife told me after I had visited my alma mater with my daughter, that my daughter said to her in a very puzzled voice, “Daddy didn’t say anything about his school!” My wife reassured her that I was just trying to avoid putting my thumb on the scales.
I found one of those questionnaires online and had my kids fill out one for every school, most of the time they kept it private and we only discussed stuff when they brought it up. Those questionnaires were really helpful when no one could remember which school had which cafeteria or which dorm room, some of them are really detailed.
We are making video ‘reaction’ videos to each college -that way it has body language and tone built in. No trying to figure out what “fine” meant! Haha.
We’re doing the same thing! My daughter just does a very simple video that describes what she liked, what she didn’t, and really importantly, how she felt about the school (what vibes it gave, etc.)
We’ve only been to two fairly local places so far, so she doesn’t have firm opinions, but I think the video might help as a reminder of that vibe.