<p>Questbest – I really feel for you. From this and other posts, it seems like you are going through an unusually long lasting, difficult time. As you said, life is unfair, and some people just are luckier than others, or maybe that’s how it seems on the outside. In my experience, people who really want everyone to think their life is perfect don’t always have it so perfect in reality.</p>
<p>But some times, everyone feels like they’re operating under their own personal dark cloud. Every day, some new bad thing happens. All I can say is, at some point, that cloud will move a little to the right, or a little to the left, and the sun will peek through, and you’ll feel like you can finally say to yourself, “maybe…the worst…is behind me?” And it will start to be true.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the encouraging and understanding words. I really appreciate it! It’s nice to hear from people who understand…many people who I know in “real life” continue to tell me all about how well things are going for them even tho they know how tough things are for my family.</p>
<p>I will try yoga…any suggestions on tapes or classes in a particular style that promotes relaxation and stress relief? What have you found to be most beneficial from yoga?</p>
<p>Yes, some families do “glide rather easily through life.” Others only appear to be. We went through a horrible personal crisis a couple of years ago in our immediate nuclear family. I did not tell anyone in my family about it. They would probably have described my life as easy and happy. They would have been wrong.</p>
<p>^^same here. I once heard someone describe my family as the “Leave it to Beaver” family.
What they don’t know is that we’ve been through a lot of “bad stuff” and are still in the midst of something pretty bad right now. We just don’t tell others about it.</p>
<p>So many people talk about “positive attitude and positive thinking.” I used to believe that if you were kind to others they would be kind to you. NOT TRUE. Many people take advantage of your kindness. I used to think that if you lived a good honest life, good things would come back to you. NOT TRUE. Bad things happen to good people. Now there is talk about “sending out positive waves and what you send out comes back to you.” NOT TRUE. There are kind people who are filled with difficulties.</p>
<p>I guess life is random and you really do have to be somewhat lucky. Unfortunately, some families filled with wonderfully kind good people are forced to deal with tough life issues.</p>
<p>The families who have little to no challenges seem to be the ones who “believe” in these theories of putting out and getting back. It is easy to believe when you do not have to cope with such grave problems.</p>
<p>So what do we teach our children? I do not want to present a negative, worried attitude about life…but there really are no guarantees no matter how well you live your life. As a matter of fact, it seems to me, in my experience, that the more selfish, nasty, self-absorbed people are luckier in life. They expect things to go well, and they do!</p>
<p>*So many people talk about “positive attitude and positive thinking.” I used to believe that if you were kind to others they would be kind to you. NOT TRUE.
*</p>
<p>No. I try my best to be thoughtful to others, because that is who I am- not because I expect something in return.</p>
<p>As a result, some people might look at my life & think I am incredibly lucky, or you could be like my mother who would sigh " poor emeraldkity", when she compared me to my siblings or her friends kids.
I chose to want what I have.</p>
<p>From a speech given at my older daughters high school, by their biology teacher. ( who was fighting cancer at the time)</p>
<p>*So what do we teach our children? I do not want to present a negative, worried attitude about life…but there really are no guarantees no matter how well you live your life. *</p>
<p>What my children have * taught me* is that, just by virtue of living in the US, during this time in history we are all incredibly lucky.</p>
<p>If my oldest had been born 10 years earlier, it is unlikely she would have lived to come home from the hospital.
My youngest has lived on three continents ( besides North America), two of which, she often lived in places that did not have running water, let alone electricity.</p>
<p>How lucky are we , to have a national health care crisis that is * obesity*, not starvation?</p>
<p>I think what the OP is trying to ask is, how can someone who has been given “much more than her fair share” of illness and devastation feel positive about life?</p>
<p>I think what the OP is trying to ask is, how can someone who has been given “much more than her fair share” of illness and devastation feel positive about life?</p>
<p>Get out of thinking about yourself & get involved with " the big picture".</p>
<p>I tutor elementary school kids- many who come from families with a lot more challenges than mine.
I also work toward restoring the health of our local waterways " through education & action".
I hope to be trained in fixing biosand filters so I can help others bring potable water to their communities.
[Friendly</a> Water for the World](<a href=“http://www.friendlywaterfortheworld.com/]Friendly”>http://www.friendlywaterfortheworld.com/)</p>
<p>surround yourself with inspirational people.
Appreciate the gifts you have.
Instead of saying " why me", recognize that accepting " why not- me", and then getting on with your life will get you farther.
Ask for help if you need it.
Read inspirational works. I’ve often found * The color purple* to be very uplifting.
Don’t watch tv.
full of depressing news, shows about dumb people who have more money than they need.
listen to music
exercise
get enough sleep.</p>
<p>But how can someone look beyond themselves when they have one problem/illness after another?</p>
<p>Some of that may just be how you are wired.
One problem after another may be insurmountable for some, but others may consider the same thing to be inspiration to generate positive energy.</p>
<p>However, I have already mentioned, that there are times when life is just too depressing to go on, at these times, there is no shame in getting help, either with professional therapy, medication, or a combination- whatever works.</p>
<p>We all can get involved with something larger than ourselves- especially through bad days- I find faking a better mood, often results in my spirits changing for the good!</p>
<p>I like the idea of faking a better mood, which leads you to feeling better, emeraldkitty. Does it really work? </p>
<p>Can you fool yourself into feeling better by smiling even if family members are ill and other things are going wrong? Like the OP talked about cancer, early death, and floods all happening one after another. Could the OP just act as tho everything was fine?</p>
<p>But then you are not allowing yourself to really feel how you feel. I am kind of confused! When I am upset or worried about family health issues or my own illness plus other stuff, how can I act as tho things are okay? Then I am not being true to myself, am I?</p>
<p>Depends on what your goal is, is it to get through your current challenges and find joy in the small things, making peace with the outcome even if it is not as desired, or is it to wallow in your struggles and blame “luck” for your misery?</p>
<p>I am bi-polar and on the spectrum, I dropped out of high school, have not been able to work full time for 20 years because of health challenges. My father died suddenly @ 43, my mother suffered from schizophrenia, my husband struggled with substance abuse & domestic violence issues, both of our kids were in the neonatal intensive care nursery when they were born, our oldest for 8 weeks( & she came home before she weighed 4 lbs!), we have had long periods of un/underemployment, making ends meet by mowing grass & dump runs.
About the only thing we haven’t dealt with, is that we haven’t actually been homeless.</p>
<p>But I mentioned tutoring children above, as one way I get out of myself.
It is very rewarding & inspirational.
When you hear what some kids have been through, but they still are " children", they still can find joy & life in living, you have to be crazy to hang on to your own sense of hopelessness.</p>
<p>That struck me. It’s probably true for most people who are surviving or even thriving in spite of tremendous challenges.</p>
<p>I was going to suggest to the OP that he/she try volunteering in some kind of program where you read aloud to small kids. I know a woman who does this. It’s pretty hard to remain “inside yourself” for too long when you reach out to others in this way. From what I understand, she gets back a whole lot more than she gives.</p>
<p>My nursing career has gotten me through tough spots many times. It’s a great distraction, helping others in pain.</p>
<p>The OP has posted earlier and similar threads where she received the recommendation for support/counseling/therapy, & I would agree. Therapy can be very helpful, whether you use it for validation, for a place to dump your stuff, an avenue to find additional supports or just a different perspective.</p>
<p>Going to a counselor doesn’t mean you are going to turn into Woody Allen and require psychotherapy 4 x a week. It just means that you are taking the empowering step of saying you would like some help & then getting it.
I have had the most success with therapists who have a masters in social work/MSWs, &/or with those who are trained in cognitive behavioral therapy.
It was really helpful last winter when my mother was very ill, I hadn’t yet had my fibromyalgia diagnosed, & I was drowning with my school schedule.
The counselor helped me break things down into manageable pieces, which I couldn’t do because I was overwhelmed.
( now if I could only get him to come to my house!)
;)</p>
<p>I guess I tend to wallow in my struggles rather than to find the small joys when I can. I find it hard to be happy and enjoy anything if everything in my life is not going great (and how often does that ever happen?)</p>
<p>Something to think about! Any suggestions on how to do it?</p>
<p>It’s kinda small minded- but I find I always have a few friends, whose lives suck * much more* than mine does.
( Married to a complete a$$hat- stuck in a low level retail job, … they often have great senses of humor though)</p>
<p>But mostly, it is just acknowledging that nobody, has total control over their life or always makes the " right" choices.</p>
<p>For example, a friend of mine had been a vice president at a big advertising firm in NYC.
She just couldn’t take it( the pressure & hours) anymore & she and her artist husband moved to the northwest about 12 years ago.</p>
<p>His career wasn’t going as well as he hoped, but still had solid work & while her current small business took way more time than she wanted to spend, she still had money from her previous life & she was very good at what she does, she anticipated gradually slowing down & spending a nice retirement with her husband- with possible grandchildren some day. ( Her husband has a couple kids from his first marriage who live on this coast- one nearby)
But then about 5 days ago, her husband died suddenly.
Big shock. Very sad.
However, I know that she is a smart woman, with many friends & that with help, she will land on her feet. * xxxxxxxxxxfingers*</p>
