<p>
mezzomom~
And now YOU have prompted ME to order some additional cards! Thanks for reminding ME to do the same!</p>
<p>
SouthJerseyChessMom~
That’s awesome!!! I hope that you get the same positive feedback. Sometimes I feel SO helpless in light of this huge h.s. and college problem. Giving these cards out may be a small thing, but it can have a BIG impact! Keep up the good work!</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>Good job berurah! I’ts true that a lot of kids will listen to another adult more intently than their own parents sometimes. Maybe it’s the control and independence issues between parents and kids. Or the fact that they have heard the same ideals from them over and over. Ultimately what WE (the parents) teach them ( and lecture on endlessly ;)) WILL have a great long term impact, but the caring acts of other adults really help the cause! It’s advice without the baggage and another way for the village to help raise the child. Even though your adson has an open line of communication with his parents, he’s searching out additional perspectives from you, and that’s a compliment to your ability to relate. Congrats!
BTW, How did your D enjoy prom?</p>
<p>Berurah, that is totally cool, the way you connect with kids. </p>
<p>You know, I just made the connection.D’s school had a mock car wreck at school on Mon., and Jr. Prom was last night, I guess the timing was not a coincidence! --sometimes it takes a while for the nickel to drop here-- anyway, perhaps the enactment had an impact on someone, kept safe out of trouble last night.</p>
<p>can we all in cc call you mom 
i would love to have a cc mom lol hahaha 
you will be known as not “da mom”, but “thee MOM” :D</p>
<p>The message about the danger of alcohol poisoning can NEVER be repeated enough. It is admirable that people take the time to talk their own family, but even more laudable when the message is shared with friends. </p>
<p>One of the hardest part about sharing this is the typical attempt from organized group to trivializing the issue, or shove the responsibilities back to the victim and his or her family. However, a few families have found the courage to set aside their grief and forgo the anonimity and privacy of their loss.</p>
<p>These Children Died of Alcohol Overdose, So Their Parents Started Foundations:</p>
<p>Taylor Webster’s memorial foundation. Taylor died of alcohol poisoning at age 19-- Now his family and friends are working to get the message out, telling their stories and providing information on alcohol poisoning and the signs and symtoms of alcohol poisoning in hopes that lives will be saved.
<a href=“http://www.t-dub.org/[/url]”>http://www.t-dub.org/</a></p>
<p>Bradley McCue’s memorial foundation. On November 5, 1998 Bradley turned 21. . He celebrated his birthday in a way that has become increasingly popular, drinking “his age in shots”. That amount of alcohol was lethal and he died that night of alcohol poisoning.
<a href=“http://www.brad21.org/about_us.html[/url]”>http://www.brad21.org/about_us.html</a></p>
<p>Samantha Spady’s memorial foundation. A 19-year old student at Colorado State University, Spady died of alcohol poisoning on September 5, 2004, “an unintentional tragedy.” The Spadys say the SAM [Student Alcohol Management] Spady Foundation will develop peer-to-peer counseling and other services meant to reduce the risk of alcohol abuse.
<a href=“http://www.samspadyfoundation.org/[/url]”>http://www.samspadyfoundation.org/</a></p>
<p>Gordie Bailey’s memorial foundation. (1) to educate the public about alcohol poisoning; (2) to identify steps parents and students can take to
prevent such tragedies; (3) eradicate fraternity hazing in any form. trategies</p>
<p>The Gordie Foundation will be dedicated to the following efforts to achieve our mission: </p>
<p>Target students in middle and high school before habits are developed which may lead to long term negative consequences. By promoting information regarding the consequences of alcohol abuse we hope to reduce the costs in terms of lives and dollars. </p>
<p>Develop and maintain public education programs that warn of the dangers of under-age drinking and the signs of alcohol poisoning; and to identify practical steps parents, students, universities, fraternities and sororities can take to prevent future tragedies. </p>
<p>Establish alcohol awareness programs on all school campuses at a national level that are informational and interactive. </p>
<p>Produce and distribute creative public service announcements that spark conversation at home and in the work place. </p>
<p>Provide advocacy at a national level to promote awareness among the general public, educational institutions and legislators about effective alcohol policies and programs. </p>
<p>Make parents aware of high-risk college environments by ranking the safety of campuses across the nation based upon campus crime rates, university policies, hazing incidents, alcohol abuse, and general student safety issues. </p>
<p>Provide resources to establish peer support groups on campuses across the nation and develop toll free hotlines providing guidance and an anonymous system to report incidents of hazing needing investigation.</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.thegordiefoundation.org/home/default.asp[/url]”>http://www.thegordiefoundation.org/home/default.asp</a></p>
<p>Kimberly Ostien’s memorial foundation: “With binge drinking on the rise, we feel it necessary to get the message out on the danger of alcohol, especially excessive alcohol consumed in a short period of time. Students are educated on drugs and alcohol but they will continue to experiment no matter what. We want to educate on what to do when a friend falls down or passes out from drinking. Often we want to put that person to bed to sleep it off and that is when the trouble can begin.” The card lists the information, above.
<a href=“http://www.kimsawareness.net/[/url]”>http://www.kimsawareness.net/</a></p>
<p>PS If you know of more efforts to share the message, please add them to the list.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>luckysmom~
I totally agree with you here…I mean, how many times have we ourselves looked back on what our parents said to us and thought, “AHA! <em>NOW</em> I get it!” It’s just that getting that message through at the time we need it to be heeded that is the problem <em>lol</em>. And you are right…THAT is where unrelated others can come in handy, precisely because of their relative distance and greater amount of objectivity (and of course, the absence of “baggage”).</p>
<p>And thanks for asking about prom!! I will pm you!</p>
<p>
mstee~
<strong><em>ROFLMAO</em></strong> OMG, the nickel would NEVER drop around here were it not for my kids tossing it down right in front of me!! I didn’t even NOTICE the totaled car until my middle D pointed it out on one of our errands. In my defense, I don’t usually take my kids to school anymore as my oldest D drives, so I really HADN’T seen it!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>BestMiler~
Awwwwwwwwwww, sure sweetie! I’d LOVE it–I share some really fun and nice relationships with several CC kiddos! And there’s always room in my heart for more, so…WELCOME! And don’t worry, Da Mom works just fine!!! PM me anytime if you need/want anything! <3 <3 <3</p>
<p>
Thanks, xiggi. And I also want to thank you for giving all of those links…I wanted to do that but had neither all of the information I needed nor the time to research it. I think it is a very healing thing when a senseless tragedy can somehow catalyze a positive event. I hope that none of the young people you listed will have died in vain and that all of their parents’/families’ suffering can be somewhat ameliorated by the good that will come of their sharing their painful stories…</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>Thanks for posting the web addresses Xiggi. I’ve already visited Gordie’s website, (so sad 
), now I’m off to order some Sam Spady cards. If we can stop just one kid from drinking too much…</p>
<p>Brava, diva!</p>
<p>My younger d. works as “Treasurers’ Intern” for my Friends Meeting. Basically, because her best adult friend is the Treasurer. He is a former football player, former narcotics user, who, 20 years, messed up his upper body totally in a drug-related motorcycle accident.</p>
<p>HE delivers the message, just by being who he is (but he talks, too!) I never have to say a word. </p>
<p>So I need to find another kid to pay it forward! (shouldn’t be too hard…)</p>
<p>Thanks for sharing.</p>
<p>Berurah! Great story. But your message was received because of the foundation you laid…friendship and mentoring from a trusted and valued adult. I tip my hat to your relationship building skills and warm ways which opens doors for heart to hearts and allows for advice to be given.<br>
xiggi never tire of posting your links…new people lurk on these boards every day.</p>
<p>I often think that parents should set up some kind of teenage exchange program just for this purpose. I once knew of a boy, brilliant but a real slacker in HS, who heard his parents talk til they were blue in the face about the importance of a good education. The parents said all the right things, but the kid wasn’t ready or willing to listen to them. Along came a family friend, who had the opportunity to spend a little time with the kid. Years later, as a successful professional, he still attributes his turn around to the one conversation with the family friend that always stuck with him, to the effect of " an education is one thing that nobody can ever take away from you." Now, the kid’s own parents had said the same thing for years and gotten nowhere, but the words from the adult friend stuck with the kid, simply because they made sense, and they were not coming from his parents!!</p>
<p>Good work, berurah!</p>
<p>
mini~</p>
<p>I think it’s wonderful that your younger D has a friend/mentor like that! Like I said, I would LOVE for my kids to find a local “outside” adult to “adopt” them! And you’re right…your D’s friend’s message, both spoken and unspoken, is loud and clear. As far as paying it forward? Well, your commitment to public service is more than admirable, so I’m sure that you HAVE paid it foward–many times over! :)</p>
<p>
Excellent point Faline…you’re right about the essential nature of trust to these relationships. And sometimes, that trust takes a great deal of time to build. Also, I think that some kids are more naturally prone to reaching out to other adults. I’ve noticed that not only in my real life, but on CC too. Maybe just an individual personality difference…</p>
<p>
roshke~
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…wonder if I can get someone to take THREE of them (four in June when my fourth turns 13!! <em>lol</em>)???
That is an interesting story about the young boy who responded so differently to the message from a family friend than he did to the same message when it came from his parents. Aside from being delivered by a different person, it may also have been that the TIMING of the message was “just right.” I know that there have been several times in my own life when someone’s words just hit me in a very profound way, despite my having heard those same words before in different contexts. I wonder if there is a “readiness” element that contributes to the success of a message being taken to heart? </p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>Arghhh. I posted a nice long response this morning, and it isn’t here! I’ve now had too much coffee to be that eloquent again.</p>
<p>Anyhow, in summary – Sure I’ll take your kids, B! And who knows, maybe even move to Kansas. :)</p>
<p>This is so inspiring Berurah, but no surprise. Your home just seems like a gathering place, that anyone can come home to. It takes a special person to create such an atmosphere, and only one so infinitely giving as yourself could do it. </p>
<p>Alcohol is such a scary and addictive drug. By your influence on adson, you have saved many others who could possibly have been affected by adson. </p>
<p>I have 1 adson and 1 addaughter too, but their problems are of the heart. So we stop washing the dishes, and listen, right? The girl has literally walked out of arguments at her house, and shown up at my doorstep at midnight, with a pillow!!! It is more than a little awkward when I run into her mom the next day.</p>
<p>Berurah: Great story. The Sam Spade cards are a great way to start a dialogue with kids’ friends. The more they hear it the better! :)</p>
<p>Xiggi: thanks for posting those links.
Roshke: your idea of a teen or other age exchange is an interesting one.
Berurah and others: I don’t know about you all but our family is one that is not unusual in one respect, at least. Neither my wife nor I am from around here (California). The result is that our S has no relatives anywhere near us. Now that he’s at school back in the East he has had a chance to meet some of his relatives, but only once in a while. And while growing up (at least up to 18) he only had them when he went back to visit for the summer, and then while he became sort of close with some of his cousins, with one exception (an older cousin) he did not become close with any of the adults .</p>
<p>One result is that he has grown up without having any uncles around, or any aunts either. Now, as everyone knows, the function of an uncle is to tell you not to believe that everything your parents say is really so, and that some things your parents want you to do are really overkill. Having an uncle or two around makes it possible for the parents to take principled positions on important issues, knowing that the uncle can undo any damage resulting from overkill (OK, mothers, please stop throwing those rotten tomatoes). And as Berurah shows, the function of an aunt is to listen to stuff the kids don’t want to or can’t tell their parents (the uncle’s job is to listen also). So I find that in giving advice to my S or listening to him I feel that no matter what, I can’t really do as well as if there were relatives here. So Berurah, if you’re able to “adopt” other kids or act as an “aunt”, that’s fantastic.
But I’m afraid that I’m too much older than you for you to be my Mom, and too far away to be an effective relative.</p>
<p>
binx~</p>
<p>Oh, I’m sorry that you lost a long response that you took the time to create…I’ve also had some problems lately with this site, so right before I go to post something, I copy it. Then, if it somehow doesn’t go through, I can “paste” it somewhere else!</p>
<p>And thanks for the offer to take my kidlets! We should GET so lucky as to have you move here!!! :)</p>
<p>
choc~
So, you have some “ads” too!!! How wonderful that you have provided a safe haven for some kids who need a warm shoulder and some TLC. I do know what you mean about the awkwardness around some of the parents…my D’s bf has a less than adequate home situation, so he spends enormous amounts of time over here. I always feel a little bit awkward around his mom. Thanks for the kind commentary about my home–it’s definitely “lived in,” but ALWAYS open–we typically have 2-5 extra people for dinner every night (and I have the grocery bills to prove it! <em>lol</em>).</p>
<p>
weenie~</p>
<p>I agree totally! The cards are “evidence” or “proof” to back up what we as parents/concerned others say. And Sam Spady was such a tremendously stunning young girl…the image of her gorgeous face on those cards leaves such an impact–She becomes more than just a name or a statistic.</p>
<p>
dadofsam~
Your post really, really hit home for me, and I coudn’t agree with you more. Like your S, my kids have grown up with NO extended family around, and due to many complicated circumstances, they do not have close relationships with any family outside of us or their sibs. This huge void overwhelms me sometimes, especially as we live in a small Kansas town where it is not at all unusual for parents and their adult kids to live down the street from each other or for teachers to have taught at least two generations of the same family. I don’t think my kids feel the void as deeply as I do on their behalf YET, but I think they will when they see what kind of grandmother (G-d willing) <em>I</em> will be!! <em>lol</em> At that point they’ll look back and feel pretty cheated, I’m sure…<em>sigh</em></p>
<p>I do feel like it would be such an advantage to have aunts/uncles/grandparents around who could share in the lives of my kids and could provide that extra shoulder or voice of reason upon occasion. And yes, I feel very blessed to be able to provide this sort of support to others, kids whom I love as if they were my own.</p>
<p>And about this…
No problem. I am also a very good FRIEND! ;)</p>
<p>Thanks for the thoughtful post…</p>
<p>~berurah</p>
<p>berurah, after reading your post, I decided to order 10 Sam Spady cards. As a current high school student, I know that one day these will come in handy for me. The cards came in the mail today. Thanks for sharing your story!</p>
<p>kchen~</p>
<p>Wow! What an astute and thoughtful high school student you are! Though I hope that neither you nor your friends will ever have to know what to do in case of alcohol poisoning, if you DO find yourself in that position, these cards are a wonderful resource and really help to put a beautiful face and a name to someone who COULD have been just one more tragic statistic. </p>
<p>I wish you all the best for a bright future, and I thank you for posting!</p>
<p>fondly, ~berurah</p>