<p>There are a number of people who think I’m overreacting by saying that invitations issued at the school that are restricted to just one sex–and condoned by management–create a “hostile work environment.” Consider, if you will, the consequences if the “private party” were limited to only those employees who were white. </p>
<p>The showers at my school were usually held at school. It was easiest to do this as everyone is already there. On occasion, a shower is held offsite. But not very often.</p>
<p>dmd77, what do you think about “Women’s Initiative” events? At my law firm and at every other big law firm I am aware of, there are women-only retreats, leadership training for women partners, “working mothers” meetings, holiday dinners for women attorneys, summer associate events for the women summer associates, etc. The guest lists for those events are exclusively female. We also have networking events for women clients (usually in-house lawyers at corporations); male and female attorneys at the firm are invited to those (although it is generally only the women lawyers who attend). </p>
<p>There are lots of high-powered employment lawyers at these firms who have signed off on the legality of these events. </p>
<p>However, unlike at the school the OP describes, women partners are in the substantial minority at almost every large firm. The events are an attempt to strengthen the pipeline so that more women advance to partnership (and stay after they make partner). Things may be different in workplaces where women make up the majority of professionals. </p>
<p>Based on the guys I know you would be more likely to field “hostile workplace environment” complaints if the male teacher WERE invited. Inviting all the women seems like an attempt at inclusiveness and unless the staff is very large and the expecting teacher’s circle is very small you would kind of have to so as not to hurt feelings. It’s better to be invited and decline than not be invited at all.</p>
<p>Personally, I would do one or the other. I enjoy getting together with other women so I would choose the shower and bring a gift. If asked for a contribution for the gift card I would simply say “I am going to the shower being held for so and so.” Then I would not give it another thought.</p>
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<p>You mean there are still workplaces where showers only involve women? </p>
<p>At my office, we have parties for prospective brides, prospective grooms, prospective same-sex spouses (gotta work on the vocabulary here), prospective mothers, prospective fathers, and prospective retirees. And everyone of both sexes is invited to all of them. </p>
<p>I kind of thought this was universal now.</p>
<p>^^^^No, it’s not universal.</p>
<p>It sounds like the parties are nonstop at your workplace. I’d go broke if I worked there.</p>
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It sure does sound like too many parties. Tell me, are you a fed/state/local govt employee? I’d hate to think of all this partying being arranged and perhaps happening on the taxpayers’ dime and time.</p>
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<p>You wouldn’t go broke. For each celebration, a card is circulated, along with a large envelope. You put as much or as little money in the envelope as you like as your contribution to a group gift. You’re not obligated to contribute anything. Nobody has any idea how much each person contributed. You sign the card regardless of whether you put in any money. </p>
<p>There is a bit of a problem with the calories, though. The People Who Like To Run Parties get very tempting junk food for these occasions.</p>
<p>I think it would be nice to invite everyone, perhaps there are a couple of men who would like to go, especially if they are close to the mother to be.
Our entire department (about 200 people) received an email from a coworker hosting her own shower with instructions for where she was registered. Now that was a head shaker. It’s not her first child, she’s rather unstable with the men in her life but has been trying to get pregnant for some time, and only works with us part time. </p>
<p>That situation would not bother me. I think inviting all female employees is also a way to help each expectant mother feel included too, even if they don’t have a lot of close friends at the school.</p>
<p>I think societal norms for showers are shifting, initially due to an increasingly mobile society and probably additionally due to changes in gender roles. I’d contribute/participate as I felt like and not think about it too much.</p>
<p>I would explain why I wasn’t going. </p>
<p>In my opinion:
- it is not fair to only have it for women who are expecting and not expectant fathers (how about people who are adopting?), if the inviting and the party is at the workplace
- it is not fair to invite women and only women if the inviting and the party is at the workplace</p>
<p>The flip side is that these women think they are doing something nice, something extra, but they are excluding a lot of people.</p>
<p>I applaud that you are concerned about it and have not been attending, but it sounds like high time to talk to the VP and give the two “girls” an ultimatum - you either invite all staff members and have baby showers for men whose wives are expecting too, or you do all your communication and have the party outside of work.</p>
<p>That is, it sounds like this is all done at work, which is the onerous part of it. The “double-dipping” aspect doesn’t bother me too much, it’s the exclusivity of it. Conversely, it forces women to be “part of the gang” or not based on whether they can go to the baby shower.</p>
<p>(personally, work baby showers beyond maybe bringing in some lunch and giving out some small gifts and a gift certificate would be verboten where I work. And for the expectant mother - does she REALLY want to talk about having a baby with co-workers she might not even know? Either her friends will have a baby shower for her or not.)</p>
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Easy way for her to crowd fund! Would be interesting to know how many people participated.</p>