Gavin de Becker seems to be saying to me a few very reasonable things for keeping kids safe: if you are lost and need help, find a woman to help (preferably with kids); yell and tell, especially if you’re told don’t yell and tell; yell “You’re not my dad,” if a male is trying to take you away.
We did teach our kids to yell, “You’re not my mom or dad,” but weren’t sure our easy-going gregarious D paid any attention until one day when she was strapped into the car seat and the mechanic tried to back up my car and she screamed at him at the top of her lungs, “You’re not my mommy or daddy!” The mechanic was startled and I gave her a big treat later for doing what she had been taught!
It’s great advice. But yes, do assume that the child will use this against you when you keep them from climbing into the fireplace or otherwise exercise your tyranny. My oldest sister decided that her name was Alice at some point during preschool, and she wouldn’t answer to her real name…which presented quite a problem when my parents were trying to collect her at “lost children” at the amusement park!
Yes, I bing-watched and read a lot by Gavin de Becker on the internet. He grew up with a cocaine-addicted mother in a culture of violence and was a keen observer for survival. He is a fascinating figure and has built a very successful protection agency and has a free MOSIAC program on his website to predict the level of threat in various scenarios.
I agree with him that the media has done a lot to create these high profile killings by giving the killer(s) notoreity that raises them from their lives of quiet desparation and that the best thing media can do is having them quietly be arrested and be locked up forever, anonymously. The media has to stop giving them a platform and spotlight. Am glad that in the recent Oregon CC case, very little media attention was given to the slayer (but still more than he should have received).
Fortunately, our kids never abused the rules about yelling, “You’re not my mommy or daddy,” so we were spared that. They also always answered to their names. One time when we took D to a birthday party of a neighbor child, we looked high and low for her but couldn’t find her. She had gotten tired so just curled up and fallen asleep on the floor in one of the bedrooms and couldn’t hear us searching for her.