She made some good points…it not as if she really knows her class of 5000 or so kids. And while she does have pride in her school…the hours long ceramony seems sort of tedious and unnecessary. Gown and crap is an expense. She says it really doesn’t mean much to her. She says having a celebratory dinner with members of her lab will mean much more to her as far as her personal attachment to her university goes.
She just wants to pick up her diploma, get a job, live life, and celebrate having her degree with friends and family casually.
I’m kinda shocked…but finding it hard to argue. I want to say I’m a little disappointed, cause i’d like to “watch her graduate”…but then I think of the ACTUAL day and how completely boringly and impersonally it’ll play out…and I feel kinda relieved not to have to go, too. And yep, I feel kinda guilty about feeling that. But hey, what matters is what she wants, right?
Is there any real reason I should encourage her to graduate with a cap and a gown and a boring speaker instead of just picking up her diploma and throwing a bash with family and friends? If that’s her strong preference, would it be disrespectful to try to talk her out of it?
How would you react if your kid didn’t want to go to the ceremony?
Highschool was a little sentimental because it was kids she grew up with…it was the first big transition into adulthood.
But college graduation seems like an empty formality.
Does anyone have seriously sentimental feelings about their college graduation? Anyone wish they’d given it a miss?
I did t go to my own college graduation…or my masters college graduation. One of our kids did NOT go to the big graduation from his university but did go to the departmental one.
Is there a departmental graduation at your daughter’s college? Lots of larger schools have those.
To be honest,.i had no gripes to make since I didn’t attend any of my own college graduation ceremonies.
This can vary greatly by individual in both the case of HS and college.
I’ve known several college classmates who skipped their HS graduations because they started college early(after sophomore year of HS), never attended HS*, and/or detested the HS environment/most of the kids there so much they refused to attend graduation…or any subsequent alum reunions.
Heck, quite a few of then never bothered to return to their hometowns after HS graduation(especially those from heavily religious/politically conservative rural parts of the south/midwest).
Also knew a few friends/colleagues who refused to attend college graduations or weren’t able to.
One was a HS friend who wasn’t big on graduation ceremonies so once he graduated with his BS and MS in CS from CMU in 4 years, he literally picked up his diplomas and went home for the weekend before starting his post-college job the following monday.
Personally, I do find meaning in graduation ceremonies as with many others, but not everyone feels the same way.
Would there be any issues from the rest of the family? Just wondering as most aunts/uncles in my extended family would be puzzled and a bit upset if their kids chose to forgo college graduation ceremonies as they regard it with much more significance/meaning than HS graduations or even college admissions.
And in a few cases, skipping one’s graduation isn’t an option…such as those of some HS classmates/friends in the Federal Service Academies.
The college classmate who graduated from my LAC with high honors at 17.
He literally went straight to college from middle school after the regional school admins/school board concluded his maturity/degree of being advanced academically was such that forcing him to continue on the standard K-12 track would be seriously detrimental to his further educational/social development. .
I didn’t go to my college graduation. I finished at the end of summer school and could have walked either at the spring ceremony (three months before I had all my credits) or the winter ceremony (four months after). I didn’t feel legit in the spring, and the thought of walking in December seemed anticlimactic. I don’t regret not going. But I’m glad I participated in my law school graduation and I really enjoyed my own daughters’ high school and college graduations.
I didn’t go to my college graduation and have never regretted it. D went to hers and all of us went up. The main difference is that I paid my way through a commuter college while my D had 4 years away. My parents wanted to go to my graduation and I told them to go ahead but I wasn’t going to be there. They charged me rent and board and didn’t pay a penny towards my schooling. I was darned if I was going to watch them kvell with pride as if they had anything to do with it. I went to work the day of the graduation. I never found out if my parents went.
I hate ceremonies like that. I asked not to go to my high school and college graduations, but my parents asked me to do both. They told me I could skip my grad school’s if I insisted. So I did. My mother really enjoys the irony that I have to attend high school graduations every year now in my job as a public school administrator!
Both of kids graduated from school with 14k+ UG students. I was very proud to be there for the large graduation ceremony, and their small departmental graduation was very personal. Both of their majors had fewer than 30 students. The department chair introduced each graduate and they had a small reception for the families afterwards. I was glad to be there.
Hey, after paying all that money, I wanted to get something out of it.
I went to my law school graduation but not my undergrad. Our kids both attended their undergrad. My sibs were mixed about attending their undergrad or grad/pro ceremonies. Some did, others couldn’t wait to leave and just didn’t bother. Same with nieces and nephews–mixed.
Graduation marks the close of a important chapter in a person’s life. It can be celebrated in more than one way. Both of my kids were excited about their graduation ceremonies and we were happy to attend – but if your D doesn’t want to go and you are fine with that then it is all good. Let her have the party with her lab members. But I would want to celebrate her accomplishment in some fashion so maybe have her agree in advance to do something as a family (a party at home, a nice dinner out or something along those lines) and let her know she should expect that you will be taking photos of her with her diploma to have as a keepsake.
This may be one critical factor in why some parents/older relatives may insist even if the soon-to-be college graduate balks at attending his/her college graduation.
In the case of the HS classmate who literally left campus after perfunctorily picking up his BS and MS diplomas before leaving ahd thus, skipping the graduation ceremonies completely, he was on full FA/scholarship package so his parents couldn’t use the “we paid for your college” gambit against him kinda like @techmom99.
I would love to skip the expense and bother of ds2’s graduation next week, but I think I’d be sad if he didn’t want to walk because it would feel like he didn’t have much of an attachment to the place … and I hope that he had a good enough time there to want to feel nostalgic at his leaving.
We’re kind of traditionalists; I bought 25 announcements so my mother could send them to all the people she wanted, and I sent seven out, I think. Well, she didn’t get to send them to EVERYONE she wanted because I put my put my foot down.
ETA: DS is getting a departmental award at a fancy restaurant the Monday before graduation so too early for us to be there. I don’t see anything on the schedule for his specific dept, like there was for ds1, so I’m a little bummed that it’ll be kind of difficult to meet his closest profs … from either of his majors. His separate college graduation will still involve hundreds of graduates.
I had two years to order photos of D’s graduation and never got around to it. I am totally not a picture person. I don’t even know if there are any photos of her graduation. We did celebrate at a restaurant and took some of her international friends whose families couldn’t be there out with us. There are no photos of that, either.
“How would you react if your kid didn’t want to go to the ceremony?”
Two reactions:
Relief. I don’t need to go either.
Pride. My daughter is a lot like me.
It seems to me that she went to class, did the homework, studied, took the exams, … I think that it is up to her. I would have a party for family, as long as daughter is willing.
Thinking back to my own graduation, the ceremony was boring as expected. What I enjoyed about the day was seeing all my friends and having a chance to say goodbye. If you’re not particularly interested in either the ceremony or giving your friends one last high five, then I don’t see much point in going. For the student of course, for the parents and relatives it might be a big sentimental milestone.
Oldfort, I know the graduations you attended. I attended for my D1’s undergraduate ceremony and another time for her boyfriends PhD graduation. They always remind me of the Olympics opening ceremony. Very exciting and grand!
One way I’ve kept myself occupied and somewhat amused during slow/particularly boring college/university graduation ceremonies is to imagine how many ways an enterprising prankster could plan various pranks during the convocation/graduation…whether its placing whoopee cushions under the seats of the President/senior admins/trustees with a few mics hooked up to the PA system to someone releasing the animal mascot of a particular university onto the graduation stage(Huskies at NEU/UConn, Lions at Columbia, etc*).
Maybe in the case of Harvard, we can have someone** dressed up as an irate pirate chasing John Harvard the Pilgrim with a fake cutlass while waving the Jolly Roger around the stage....
My daughter has already announced she doesn’t want to do all the graduation stuff. I’m tired of fighting with her about it. She’ll have senior night on her team and may or may not want me to go to that.
I do not care. My parents care, but they are too old to travel anymore.
I think it is short-sighted. Of course you never miss it, if you don’t know what you’ve missed. Yes, parts are boring I agree. DS graduated in December and would gladly have missed his spring commencement. DH and I wanted to see him walk though, so he went along with it. He did complain once he wouldn’t know anyone there. I said big deal, I didn’t sit by anyone I knew.
So, the graduation had its boring moments , and good moments. But here’s what made it worthwhile to him ( a feeling he didn’t anticipate): At the end, they called the classes one by one to stand…to great applause. The president confers all his official stuff which sounds so impressive and important. That moment, I know, fills them with such pride. Pride for themselves and pride to be in front of their loved ones. It’s just 30 seconds, but it’s a once in a lifetime 30 seconds. Sort of like a wedding vow, right.
Why do you think that after a 2 hour boring ceremony, they come out with their eyes dancing and chest puffed out a little more than when they walked in? All of a sudden, they don’t mind having their pictures taken. My sons attitude leading up to the day and his attitude after the ceremony were 180 degrees.
There are few times in life where accomplishments are celebrated in ones life, and the graduation ceremony is one of them. I encourage all parents to ask their children to attend.
Starting with D1, I made a house rule that everyone had to attend one of their graduation ceremonies. She didn’t go to HS, so her first was the BS. All family gathered and it was a lovely weekend. She skipped all others after that.
D2 eats that stuff up. Middle child syndrome? We’ve sweated through HS, BS, and grad school graduations for that kid, and were happy to do so.
S is graduating from college on Saturday. This will be his first. Along the way I also have insisted that each sibling attend one graduation ceremony of each sibling. All are gathering this weekend. I am thrilled that I was so smart several years ago because this has worked out very well for ME!
