<p>I can see the a parent’s view of being caught between wanting your child to experience what the trip has to offer (and paying for it), and the desire to have a child who leaves home with a “hunger” to go after life.</p>
<p>My inclination would be as others have noted: No skin in the game - no trip.</p>
<p>
Usually, the students are picking up all the travel costs & salary for the faculty chaperones. U thought the teachers were paying for it themselves? </p>
<p>My kids were “offered” these kinds of opportunities in HS. We found the cost was ridiculous. They throw in “educational activities” to try to make the parents feel better, but I really do think they are cash cows for travel agencies. Disclaimer: D did go on a couple, but she contributed her own money.</p>
<p>A much better experience for us was CISV, which is a non-profit. My kids travelled with them from the age of 11 through HS and experienced all sorts of programs from a summer camp to a home-stay exchange (D travelled to Italy one summer, her Italian partner visited us the next summer). Incredibly educational and relatively cheap. But limited availability of slots. </p>
<p>I would not pay that much money for such a trip. </p>
<p>Not sure why yo would ask her-- perhaps its better to tell her, if she intends to go this is where the funds will come from. You are not a bottomless money pit.</p>
<p>GMT, give it a break. I acted as a teacher chaperone on some trips, and totally paid my own way. </p>
<p>Priorities. If you gave me the same choice right now, I’d react the same way as your DD has, though it wouldn’t be a matter of asking for gifts from family, since that’s not a money source for me. But right now, no. I am not willing to try to come up with $3k for a wonderful trip. If someone gave me one on a platter, yes, I’d likely go with bells on, make the arrangement to take the gift, but I’m not about to try to scrape up the funds for one Heck I can come up with reams of paper filled with lists of things I’d rather spend my $3K on. </p>
<p>
That’s your school. At my kids’s private schools, the practice is as I described. The cost of the teacher chaperones is borne by the students.</p>
<p>^^^And at the public high school my kids attended here in CA, the situation is the same. The cost of each teacher’s trip is paid by the students. The explanation being this is a working trip for them, not a sightseeing vacation. </p>
<p>Yes, most of the trips I"m aware of also include the cost of the chaperones to be borne by the students attending. I believe it is a common practice. Our S went with his band to Australia for a similar price–we were happy to pay and he was happy to contribute. He had never been there before and the band played in the Sydney Opera House. They stayed in standard hotels throughout their trip, in beds (not sleeping bags). They all had a great time!</p>
<p>While I basically agree with what others are saying, I do think that the following is not an entirely rhetorical question:
A possible–and to me, pretty reasonable–answer to this question might be, “Because you have loads and loads of money, and I have very little.” OP may or may not be a bottomless money source–we don’t know that. So, while I agree with the opinions expressed in this particular case, I wouldn’t apply it to all situations, especially when the parent has plenty of dough and the expenditure is something highly beneficial for the kid (not really the case in this situation). Personally, I’ve never liked the financial “skin in the game” idea, and in our family we have focused more on demonstrated work ethic than cash.</p>
<p>I do wonder if there might have been another motivation behind her initial refusal to sacrifice the upcoming gifts.</p>
<p>I’ve made that sacrifice before myself, and while it was worth it in the end, it did feel a little bit sad and awkward to open a greeting card with a check inside on Christmas Day when everyone else was opening shiny new stuff. Nowadays, I actually prefer not to receive stuff (who needs more of it?) but back then part of the price was a subtle sense of not fully participating in the joy of the season.</p>
<p>Maybe she really doesn’t care to go on the trip all that much, but I do wonder if she might have been willing to sacrifice toward the trip if it was a sacrifice that didn’t have that emotional element attached to it.</p>
<p>The world may never know, because once a kid has gone into “Meh” mode, good luck ever finding out what they were really thinking. :)</p>
<p>I agree that the trip is just not that important to your daughter. No need to pursue it any further. Our kids all wanted to do Spring trips in High School and we told them to just wait and do a study abroad in College. Sure enough, each of them did that and spent three to five months in a foreign country for less than the cost of a High School two week abroad. </p>
<p>Sounds like you should let it go, and probably not bring it up with her any longer. She expressed her opinion, and you should respect it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her being honest about rather having gifts than that experience. It reminds me of a conversation I recently had with my college son, who is pretty frugal. I took him and his roommate out to dinner. At some point I asked him if he’d like to go back to the place we went again. His response was “sure, if I don’t have to pay for it.” He is not at all ungrateful, and said thanks for taking him multiple times. It’s just not what he would choose to spend his money on. The same son wanted a “better” computer than I was willing to buy him for college, and he was perfectly happy to pay some of his money to get the computer he wanted. </p>
<p>I’d let it go, too. She isn’t that interested. </p>
<p>The only exception would be if you think it would be good for her. I insisted on sending kids on a couple of school trips because I thought it would be good for them to have to fend for themselves, without momma to help out. But in that case it is what you want, so you ought to pay. </p>
<p>Consider offering to pay half. </p>
<p>In 2008, DS wanted to go on a very worthwhile music trip… 16 days, 6 countries, run by teachers that had been refining it over 30 years. The cost at the time was about $4400 including airfare, hotels, land transportation and most meals. We told DS we would pay half. He had a lot of money saved from years of birthday/Christmas checks and agreed. But he was THRILLED when my Dad offered to cover half of his half , leaving DS with just 1/4 of the bill. </p>
<p>After this, we started to send our much younger nieces/nephews $100 each Christmas. We still send a modest gift for their birthday (which for 3 of them is in the same timeframe). Our hope is that they will save it to use for travel money in hs. </p>
<p>Seems like an easy solution. Tell your daughter how much you are willing to chip in. </p>
<p>For example: “Daughter dearest, that sounds like a wonderful trip. If you would like to go, we are happy to give you $1500 to cover half the cost.” (or whatever figure YOU are willing to pay.)</p>
<p>No need for long conversations. </p>