<p>Son’s parked car was hit by another car. No witnesses, no note of course. By looking at it, it really isn’t something he could have done himself and lied about.</p>
<p>Husband is insisting that Son use his Christmas and birthday money (and more) to pay the insurance deductible to have it fixed. Son doesn’t pay any other car expenses. We pay for gas and insurance; the car is more of a convenience for us than something he really lobbied to have.</p>
<p>I think making him pay the deductible is unnecessarily punitive. Husband doesn’t believe that accidents happen. When I walked into the parking garage late one might and found the rear of my car smashed in, Husband’s comment was “How badly were you parked that it caused someone to hit you like that?”</p>
<p>missypie,
I’m with you on this one. I wouldn’t make my son pay for this, and I’m generally known as a mean mom. Maybe you can find a shop which is willing to take whatever the insurance company offers. That’s what we’ve been able to do.
Edit: S#1 did have one accident when he was 17. He hit an open door of a parked car because he didn’t roll down his window and ask the car owner to please close her door. That one cost him three weeks standing on his feet, working at a retail job. We did make him pay since the accident was caused by his laziness. He hasn’t had an accident in the 6 years since then.</p>
<p>If your son really wasn’t at fault, or even made an honest mistake, then he shouldn’t have to pay. It really is punitive to use Christmas and birthday money. When we allow our kids to drive, don’t we expect that there may be some bumps along the way? If it actually was a hit and run, there’s nothing your son could have done and paying that deductible would really hurt him on top of how badly he already feels. I vote for the parents to take the hit, not the kid.</p>
<p>MEN!! I would say that if the son was negligent, then yes. In this case, unless your husband is unable to pay for it financially- he needs to get over it and pay the deductable. My husband can be the same way at times…and at other times…the complete opposite. When my kids scraped the side of the garage pulling in…my husband said- it’s the first of many…don’t get it fixed. However, the were just hit or should I say smashed into on Monday and so we are without the car for 1 month. It is a major inconvenience to me.</p>
<p>When ZG got her license, we bought a new car and I was wild about it. We understood that there might be dings. About six weeks later, the two girls were in the car and D2 opened the door into a tree while D1 was backing up. Twisted the door out of shape. We didn’t make her pay because it was the honest mistake of a new driver.</p>
<p>In husband’s mind, there are no accidents, no honest mistakes. Things don’t even break on their own. When the ancient VCR finally stopped working he said, “What have you kids been doing to this VCR to make it stop working?” In husband’s mind, Son’s car would not have been hit if he had not done something wrong.</p>
<p>If your son gets sick, does he have to pay the deductible on your health insurance?</p>
<p>Edited to add: Why don’t you accuse your husband of failing to teach your son how to park properly? That means it’s his fault, and he should pay.</p>
<p>"Husband’s comment was “How badly were you parked that it caused someone to hit you like that?” – geez – that was my Xs atitude too, thank you for making me feel better about the divorce. </p>
<p>Zooserman – when my DD has got her license she also learned how to do minor body work (repair dings, and small dents that can be manually pulled and paint work). And she always keep jumper cables in car.</p>
<p>Well, it wasn’t your fault either. Depending on the financial capabilities of the parties in question, I might split the cost. In our case with my son totally financially incapable I would probably pay it, in acknowledgment of his generally good driving record. </p>
<p>You have my sympathy!</p>
<p>My wife once parked on the street legally to do some volunteer work. When she returned to her car - parked directly across from a car dealer - she found her car pretty badly hit and damaged in a way that strongly suggested a large truck was the culprit. Of course her inquiries to the car dealer (who made deliveries to you this morning?) went nowhere and our deductible is $500.</p>
<p>I am a fifty something Dad with two teenagers.</p>
<p>I would pay the deductible myself and B17#$ about it (a lot). LOL</p>
<p>From the perspective of a victim, accidents happen but always because someone made a mistake.</p>
<p>I am an engineer. The VCR thing is lame. Any machine with moving parts wears out eventually. The motion of mechanical parts generates particulates which abrade bearing surfaces and cause failure. Any rotating machine will only rotate so many times before it fails. Proper maintenance, including lubrication (change your oil!!!) postpones the inevitable and thus decreases the cost of ownership.</p>
<p>I think your H is too harsh. Of course when someone hit my car in a parking lot (and thank you, it was parked perfectly fine, within the lines etc.), there was no deductible fairy to pay for me, but I an an adult with a job. If I had no money, I probably would not have fixed the dent in the bumper (which cost less than the deductible to fix.) Of course if I had taken a spot furthest away, where no one else parks maybe it would not have been hit…</p>
<p>If your son’s finances are such that he can pay for it without causing him problems in important areas (you’ll have to be the judge of that), it might not be a bad idea for him to contribute to the payment as this is a life learning experience. It depends on the kids but my knuckle heads are having a devil of a time understanding that they have to suffer for many things that are not their fault.</p>
<p>I have a 25 year old who has my car right now, and a similiar situation occurred. Who should pay for this? He seems to think that since it was not his fault, I should. Not really teaching him the responsibilities of borrowing someone’s car. He is also the sort that needs things spelled out for him. My 15 year old is the sort that intuitively knows that you often pay for things despite the fact they are not your fault at all, and routinely picks up the tab for things that I would gladly pay. No lessons needed for him, but my oldest sadly needed patterning in that department. </p>
<p>It’s not just the money, but what they need to learn that comes into the equation. If this were my situation, I would have S pay half the cost unless it causes more problems than not for him to give up the money.</p>
<p>We are all products of our upbringing. It’s hard to fight. When Husband and his siblings were pretty little, his dad got them lawn mowing jobs. By the time they were 14, they were working pretty steadily. All the kids worked a lot. Each totally paid his/her own way through a state university. When they went to California on family vacation (camping all the way, of course) FIL said they couldn’t go to Disneyland unless the kids earned enough money for the tickets. They were an extremely frugal family (not poor at all, just almost comically frugal). FIL still values a kid’s part time job above any possible EC. </p>
<p>So you bring it to the next generation. Son works a few hours a week but I think school work is way more important. We don’t *need *the money he makes in his job and we don’t need his money for the deductible. I think that ever so often it just feels *wrong *to Husband that we pay for so much for our kids, while his parents paid for little more than food and shelter.</p>
<p>As for things never breaking on their own, no idea where Husband got that idea. As cheaply made as many products are these days, it’s a source of irritation for us all to be blamed every time something doesn’t work.</p>
<p>Same thing happened to my D, car swiped her side window right off.
We paid the deduct. Personally i think HS kids have a lot of pressure right now if they are looking to go to college, its hard for them to make enough money to pay for accidents like that.
Also men for some reason need to be in control of EVERYTHING, even car accidents!</p>
<p>Well, I think Husband would be content to just take all of his Christmas and birthday money and call it even, so no PS3 that he’s been saving up for. They’ve really cut back on hours at his job, so it will take a long time for him to save up that much.</p>
<p>I guess “bad things happen that aren’t your fault that you stil have to pay for” is an actual life lesson. I think the life lesson Son will actually learn, however, is “Dad is mean.”</p>
<p>Here’s what I would say about this: insurance is designed to protect against unexpected harms. Your family probably has car insurance, homeowner’s insurance, health insurance, maybe other kinds as well. These kinds of insurance are a family expense, and cover everybody, including the minor children. What level of deductible to have was a decision that, presumably, was made by the parents. Accordingly, in my opinion, this accident is something that happened to your family, not to your son, just as a lightning strike on your home would be. If the costs of maintaining the car for the son to drive were covered by the family, then this is just part of that cost.</p>
<p>I agree that he should contribute something. The car was out on the stree bcos he drove it there. If he owned the car, he would have to pay it in full. Why should Dad (and mom) pay 100% just bcos they can?</p>
<p>Driving is a right and that comes with the repsonsibility for some of the costs.</p>
Maybe you can find a shop which is willing to take whatever the insurance company offers. That’s what we’ve been able to do.