<p>On the other hand, when my son was in grade school he was justly criticized for terrible handwriting, so we bought a computer program, “Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing” and told him we’d buy him a baseball glove if he got to 25 wpm. Three weeks later, he was typing at 40 wpm. Outcome: he made all-league in baseball in his senior year, and his handwriting is still terrible.</p>
<p>This reminds me of an article I read when my D was around 3 that said instead of saying “great job” all the time to compliment them on the colors they chose to draw a picture, for example. So, armed with my newfound knowledge, the next time my D drew a picture I told her how much I liked the colors and she responded with “What’s the matter, don’t you like the picture?”</p>
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<p>Amen, Kluge. I’m so tired of facile theory-making, but you phrased it better than I could’ve.</p>
<p>Kissy,
We have gone through the candy “reward” syndrome at both the elementary and middle schools. Unfortunately that doesn’t work well for a kid like my daughter who has Type 1 diabetes. I casually mentioned something to one of the teachers at the middle school about this last year. They still distribute candy and other junk food rewards in many of the classes this year. My daughter has learned to take the “rewards” and throw them away when she gets home! She didn’t want me to make an issue out of it, so I didn’t…</p>
<p>Last week she came home with the Krispy Kreme award for winning some academic quiz contest in one of her classes. Before I even said anything, she said, “Don’t worry Mom, I’ll give it away.” I don’t even know what the Krispy Kreme award is. I assumed it was a donut. Hopefully it wasn’t cash or the promise of a scholarship! LOL</p>
<p>LOL about the Krispy Kreme award! I’m surprised to hear that a teacher would offer candy rewards to a child with diabetes. Fortunately, your D sounds like a bright and mature young lady who knows how to deal well with the issue.</p>
<p>As a kid, I have to say there are some points on this thread that I like and others that I thought were a little off.</p>
<p>My two cents: I think schools (and parents) should take some time and thought and find a way to emphasize all the many different ways someone can be “good.” There should be a standard for, say, honor roll, and not everyone will meet it. But that shouldn’t be how intelligence is defined, and honor roll kids should not be the only ones rewarded. There are so many different TYPES of talents and intelligences out there that have not been traditionally recognized. Kids should be praised for being TRULY good at whatever it is they’re good at, rather than given fake compliments because someone somewhere decided that grades and athletics were the only accomplishments that mattered.</p>
<p>Also, my junior high did no-cut 7th grade sports (before budget cuts, anyway), and then had tryouts for 8th and 9th graders. There are also quite a few sports (tennis, golf, football, wrestling, swimming) that are no-cut all the way through the high school level. Those with the most skill will letter, compete at state, play in important games, etc, but everyone has the chance to at least participate.</p>
<p>There is a great article in Scientific American this month or last on the “Myth of Self Esteem”- a critical review of the literature and the findings.</p>
<p>Surprise surprise…self esteem does not breed success; success breeds self esteem.</p>
<p>Now if people could agree on a definition of success…</p>
<p>“self esteem does not breed success; success breeds self esteem.”</p>
<p>Amen and Amen! well…actually, I think that it sort of works in a cycle. True success, which comes as a result of determination and hard work, brings about self esteem/self confidence—which in turn, brings about more success driven by hard work and determination.</p>
<p>In my opinion parents and teachers shouldn’t praise a child for minimal or casual effort, even if it results in “success”. I’m now in the process of dealing with this very thorny issue with my 14 yr old son. I am encouraging him to compete only with his “best self” by testing his own limits. I tell him he should feel good about any outcome that is borne out of his VERY BEST personal effort. And this can only be done by looking within and honestly assessing his commitment to a given endeavor. He knows I’m not very impressed unless I believe he has puts forth his best effort… </p>
<p>Kids should be given to understand that they CANNOT always be the best at everything—or even most things. There will, sooner or later, almost always be someone who is smarter, faster, more talented, etc. But they can always be the best at being THEMSELVES. And that person should be someone for whom his own personal growth and contribution to the greater good is seen as most important.</p>